We talk a lot about what our kids learn over the years. What about us parents? I can definitely see that I have gained a lot of knowledge over the past seven years of being a mom, and yet most of it didn't come from a book. It just came over time, and lots of trial and error.
I remember the crazy and sleep-deprived state I was in after my first son was born. I refused to take my eyes off him, even for a second. I thought I could always have an ideal and serene environment for him. That pretty much changed after baby number two came along. Suddenly I was the flustered mom at the park who had to try and keep an eye on two kids, letting the older one mostly fend for himself. I was the one toting the sippy cup with a mismatched lid, the stroller that was squeaky and in need of replacement, and I never had enough snacks or diapers to go around. I balked at my new lack of perfectionism, and yet I think I am a better person for it, too. My kids have probably also benefitted from seeing that, while things are not always perfect, they generally work out.
For as much as I try to be a good mom, I cannot be great in every moment. I get tired, lose my patience, and sometimes lack creativity. I will always be able to think of things I "should" be doing more of with my kids, but that's ok. I have realized that for every short-coming, there is something to make up for it. For example, I probably don't play board games enough with my kids, but we read all the time. Everything balances out.
Sometimes one child demands more attention than another, which can generate some guilt. This, too, balances out. One day child number one may be sick and needy, but the next day I may get to spend alone with child number two on a special outing. They each, at seperate times, get to experience my devotion to them.
At the end of the day, what really matters is that our kids feel loved and secure. Even if that's all we manage to accomplish in a day, it's enough. I am glad I know that now.
Debbie Akers, a northeast Phoenix mom of two young sons, is a member of the Arizona Republic's Parent Advisory Panel.
Debbie Akers, a northeast Phoenix mom of three young sons, is a member of the Arizona Republic's Parent Advisory Panel.
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your awesome post!! I've recently made the transition from being a stay-at-home mom for 12 years to working full-time outside the home, and the guilt can be overwhelming at times if I let it. The key is not to succomb to it and beat yourself down (that's so easy for we moms to do!), but instead to have the courage to remember what you have just expressed so succinctly and beautifully in your post. I especially love your last line: "At the end of the day, what really matters is that our kids feel loved and secure...." That is so true and will become my mantra as I struggle with this transition. I know in my heart that my kids are just fine and that I am still able to give them the love and attention that they need.
DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your kind words regarding my blog. I am really glad you could relate to it. Good luck to you as you start a new chapter in your life as a stay at home parent!
Debbie Akers, a northeast Phoenix mom of three young sons, is a member of the Arizona Republic's Parent Advisory Panel.