? bringing my son into public womens bathrooms?

This is a tough one. My son is also 8 and he refuses to go in the women's restroom. If his dad is not with us, I will let him go in the men's, but I stand DIRECTLY outside the men's room door and as he goes in I announce LOUDLY, "Now, if you aren't out in 2 minutes, I am coming in after you." And I have done it, too! Only to his immense embarrassement, but oh, well! I always caution him not to speak to anyone and to tell me if anyone speaks to him. We've never had an incident, but it is sad that we have to instill fear in our kids to keep them safe.

Susan is mom to Alexander, Isabel, David and stepmom to Eric. She does community outreach for arizonamoms. Be sure to enter the Back-to-School $1000 Giveaway every day July 4-31!

If I have a bad feeling about my son going to the bathroom by himself then I take him in the womens restroom with me. He is almost 7 and if we are at a crowded place or somewhere new and I am not sure of he can reach the sink, soap, etc then he always goes with me. If we are in a place where there is not a lot of people and he has been there before then I wait outside the door for him. If we are out and his younger sister has to go to the bathroom and I am not comfortable with him being unsupervised, then he goes in the womens restroom with me also. Maybe the lady at Toys R Us does not have boys and did not understand your situation. Well your son got a dirty look but at least he is safe!

It seems like more places are adding family restrooms. Doesn't Toys R Us have one as well? It's the only solution I can think of. If there is not a family restroom, I allow my 7 year old to use the mens room, while I wait nervously outside.

I think you did the right thing and that woman was rude. Obviously, your son was following your direction. If the woman had a problem with a boy in the bathroom, she should have spoken to you about it, not him. However, she took a very passive aggresive, nasty (and obviously, a cowardly) approach by essentially chiding/insulting your son.
I mean come on, what a bully to try to make a 8 year old feel bad for a decision made by an adult?!

If your instincts say that he needs to be with you (and at a Toys R Us - I would do the same thing!), then so be it.

Obviously, your son wasn't completely in disagreement with you - or he would have been objecting to being in the ladies room....and he didn't.

Happy2BMommy, is a stay-at-home mom who just turned 40 (argh!) with a 6 yr. old daughter and a 5 yr. old son, and is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Scottsdale.

I completely understand your dilema! My son will continue to go in to the bathroom with me. It is not a safe society we live in and it is just one more step as parents we need to take to protect our babies. I think you are to be applauded for protecting your child. The other mother should understand what if it was her husband who had to take the daughters to the restroom should they be made to feel embarassed bucause their father felt the need to keep them safe. Im sure her thoughts would have been different then! This is a good reason why all public places need a family restroom so none would be made to feel embarassed.

He is at an age where he can go to the bathroom by himself. I don't think it is such a bad thing if he goes into the mens room. My son is 4 and when we go to the library he wants to go to the bathroom by himself and I stand right next to the door so if he yells for me I am right there and he is fine. I think it is different when you are at bigger places like wal mart or something but other than that its okay. Who cares what other people say. Tell your son that he shouldn't feel bad about what other people say to him. Whatever you do for son is what you think is best for him.

Cruz Family Day Care
~Samantha Cruz

Mommy of 2 wild boys and love every minute of it.

That woman was lucky she didn't encounter me in the restroom with my son. Anyways, I would take my son to the restroom with me until he wants to go the the men's room at which time I will stand by the door and go in after him if I feel like it is taking too long. You can't put a value on your child's safety. You are doing the right thing! Geez, it's not like he's shaving and cruising for chicks in the bathroom!

At 8 years old I think it's ok to send them in just as long as you wait outside the door. My dad used to do that with me when he raised me. He used to have to take me into the mens room imagine that!! After a while you just have to trust that they did everything right wash up you know. I understand though. At some point my dad knew I had to switch over cause there were soo many questions.

Lisa - Mom to her spunky little Scarlette

I agree that this is a tough one. My son is just 6 but feels very uncomfortable going in the women's room with me. And I can tell that the girls feel uncomfortable with him in there. I've recently started letting him use the men's room. If we're with friends, I make the boys go in together. Otherwise, I stand right outside the men's door.

Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 7 and 3.

It's possible the woman was also giving a warning to her girls because they have a tendancy to come out of the stalls with their pants down or half naked in order to let their mom fix them up.

What you did was fine, I wouldn't worry over it.

This is a tricky issue. I encourage him to go before we leave the house to try and avoid the situation if possible, but have used the "I'm coming in there if you're not out..." outside the men's room myself. In general, I gravitate to the family bathroom solution which, thankfully, there are more and more of these days. In fact, when I can't find one of those, there's sometimes a special "handicapped" restroom (one room, one door to the outside) that I have him use if it's available, simply so I don't have to worry about others being in there.

I do think--usually after everyone's come out of their restroom experience intact--that it's rather horrifying how "normal" being paranoid has become for parents. It's expected, and in fact, encouraged to a point that I wonder when or if our kids will ever enjoy the benign neglect we likely had more of as children. It's just depressing to imagine that the world is so much more dangerous than it was for us growing up--maybe it's just that we hear so much more about it...

Do what you feel is right but be sensitive to others. From the other mom's perspective, it is uncomfortable to have an older boy in a women's bathroom.

Mom of teenage boys!

I agree that this is a tough issue for parents to deal with. Let's turn it around and ask how you would feel about a single dad bringing his daughter into a mens bathroom? Double standard? Or is it safer to send a girl into a womens bathroom alone?

sure, fine, whatever

I understand where Moms of boys are coming from. I really do. But, while stories like the ones you mention get a lot of press, 99.99% of people in public restrooms are in there on legitimate business.

We can teach boys to protect themselves from the other .01%.

Lesson #1: Normal guys don't hang out in restrooms. (They don't check out their hair and makeup in the mirror, or gossip about their dates in there). They go in, do what they need to do, wash their hands, and leave. If you walk into a restroom, and someone in there isn't acting like a normal guy, turn around and walk out.

Lesson #2: Use a stall toilet, rather than a urinal.

Lesson #3: Guys don't look at each other's equipment. If someone looks at yours, ask, emphatically, "What are you looking at?" I personally had a little guy who followed this instruction, and, before I could get in, a nice man brought him out to me, and the peeper had a black eye and a fat lip.

When it comes to more secluded environments (rest areas, campgrounds, etc.), I don't see any reason to send a kid into a restroom. Let them poop and pee in the woods. It's a valuable skill. If there isn't a tree, you can hold up a blanket (facing out) to shield them from flashing anybody else.

Now, in terms of you having to go, but not your son, park him. If you're in a restaurant, have him sit at the table. If you're at a store, have him hang on to the shopping cart around the checkout lanes. Kids just don't get grabbed in these scenarios; too many witnesses -- not to mention security cameras.

In the end, Jenn, almost always, nothing "lurks in the mens room" except for evidence that guys don't aim very well. I assume that they do at home, so I'm still pretty curious about why they can't in public -- when someone else has to clean up after them.

This is a tough one, because boys probably have a hard time at this age going into the ladies bathroom, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. If I was the only parent, then I would be taking him into the bathroom with me, or standing outside the men's door depending on his maturity. If I couldn't trust him to go into the men's bathroom and be out in 1 minute, then he would join me in the ladies bathroom.
Once I stood outside the men's bathroom at the mall when my 6 year old nephew went into the bathroom. I would crack the door and keep asking him was he finished. Just to hear his voice made me feel at ease.
Its just too scary. We never know what creep is hiding out in the bathrooms these days waiting for the opportunity to hurt an innocent boy.
I wouldn't care what look I got. Surely in the world we live in, the other parents must see the reasons behind it.

One Happy Mom in Arizona.

As a female and a mom to a girl, I think that 8 is way too old to be in the ladies room and would probably also be astonished to see it... having not raised a boy, I find it hard to wrap my head around how a boy in the 2nd grade would not be humiliated by having to go into the women's rest room... I would completely find it inappropriate if at 8 my daughter was with her dad and made her go in the mens room... I would go through the roof.. I think it is the older age that is the issue, though.. I wouldn't see a problem with a 4 year old.. but 8? What do we tell our daughters about that?