My son is 10 years old and very depressive of late. I'm really concerned because he is only 10. I have gotten his teacher and school counselor involved in my concerns but my son is not very communicative about why he is so sad. Does anyone have any advice? My son says he isn't happy in school. He's not doing well at all this year. He's never been a high achiever but he is in gifted. The teacher believes he feels alienated from the regular students in his class. My son is a sweet kid. He has a bit of a temper issue at times and can be very bull headed if pushed but he is reliable and very loving. He has been sullen and moody lately and seems to cry a lot more than is his norm. I would appreciate any advice. I'm just a very concerned mom.
Take him to his
Take him to his pediatrician. Tell him exactly what the problem you're seeing is, and ask your son if he wants to talk to the doctor with or without you there. Some kids open up to doctors because they cannot relate specifics back to parents, only general, "It's a school problem", "he's feeling anxious", that sort of thing, not details of the conversation. Kids never want to disappoint their parents, and he may fear you'd be disappointed if you knew what the problem was (an irrational fear, I'm sure, but real enough for him).
Also suggest that your son get a complete blood workup. I know iron and B-vitamin deficiencies can lead to depression, for which there is a real fix, getting these #s back in line. Also, if blood sugar is out of whack, that can leave the child feeling lethargic, which can lead to depression. I'm sure there are others.
It's very possible that your son has none of these though. The dr is still the first place to start because they can also prescribe antidepressants and/or refer you to a qualified therapist.
Good luck.
What changes are going on in
What changes are going on in the home? Are there changes in school? Something is bothering him. I would give him lots of hugs and get him to speak out about what is making him cry and feel so sad.
If this was my son, I would continue asking until I was at the bottom of this problem. Is someone mistreating him? bullying him? Why is he not liking school?
When I hear my niece or nephew say they don't like school, I always try to reinforce how important school is and how I always enjoyed school for all different reasons.. Ask questions about his dislikes at school. Usually they say its boring.
He may be ashamed of telling on someone but needs to speak up so this problem can be corrected. Once when I was teaching Kindergarten, I saw a girl about 7 or 8 crying by herself and I went up to ask her why she was crying. She told me that her father had passed away and she missed him. It just broke my heart. Did he lose a loved one?
Hope he gets better.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
So many things could be at
So many things could be at work here. Gifted children often find regular school difficult. Years of going with the flow, but being unchallenged can zap any motivation and self esteem is inextricably tied to accomplishing in the face of a challenge. Gifted children often find it difficult to relate to same aged peers, as well. Does he have the opportunity to interact with older children in a similar interest area? Gifted children also tend to suffer as people around them assume a higher competence level in all areas, because of how bright they are, so "teaching" these kids how to manage their thoughts which control their feelings which control their behavior, falls by the wayside. Does he know, intellectually, that much of his feelings are under his control? Does he typically, actively manage his thoughts/feelings well and this is a sudden change, or has he always had trouble in this area (i.e. your reference to a temper)? Some counseling to teach thought/emotional management seems in order (for all kids, but particularly for boys and those who are depressed). Gifted boys this age also suffer more from the "boy code" - the societal expectations that boys must be stoic and tough and mask any "feminine " expression. Yet, boys LONG for connectedness and often don't know how to reconcile that. Also, boys most often "connect" through action, rather than words. Moms tend to ask a boy, face to face, "what's wrong? Talk to me", but boys find that physically difficult (perhaps the hard wired experience of the gender to view "face to face" as confrontational). But, side by side activity will often get boys to open up and talk - ask your son to help paint a room with you for a few hours. Everyone has problems/worries/concerns, but often the sense of connectedness is all that's needed to weather the rough spots. But, feeling disconnected emotionally (feeling the need to suppress anger, hurt, or sadness), makes it difficult to weather even relatively good times. We moms mean well, but we are not immune to the "boy code" either and we often subconsciously "encourage" our boys to fit in, by having the same expectations as the rest of society. We've been socialized on Princess movies too. We feel the need to prepare them for the big, bad world out there by encouraging toughness, and discouraging dependence (particularly if our husbands have joked/cautioned/complained about us "coddling" them), but many boys view that as isolating from the one person/place that they've ever felt safe enough to let their guard down. The world will teach them soon enough. Every boy should feel safe sobbing in his mom's arms, no matter how old they are. No matter how "sensitive" our sons may act with us, they will suppress it out in the world (I wish more dads would understand this, but I digress). Anyway, even a 10 yr old can have some heavy issues on his mind. I'd seek a counselor as soon as possible. Best of luck!
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
All of these suggestions are
All of these suggestions are very good. In response to my son being gifted, I completely agree with you that he has social issues. He has always had social issues of some form or another. I can relate to him as well because I understand how he is feeling and where. I don't quite know the specifics of his issues at school. I do know that he is different and picked on for that, but the teacher has said that he is a very friendly and outgoing child and she has also said she never sees him alone when they are at recess. Our whole family has had counseling and he has had behavioral counseling. As much as I feel that claiming that he's ADD is a copout, the fact is that he is diagnosed as ADD. I do NOT give him medication because I feel that most of his ADD is actually his being bright and gifted and unchallenged. My other son, his brother, gets wonderful grades and is very much the epitomy of ADHD. I think that I may have to get him back into a counseling program so that he can learn to manage his emotions and feelings. Maybe as a refresher course. Not much has changed recently in our home. My husband and I were married about a year ago, but we had been together for 2+ years prior to that and have always strived to include the kids within our family relationship. We have been at the same place and in the same school for the last 2 years now. I do know that I have serious issues with the district my children are in. We live in a lovely neighborhood but the schools in this district are terrible. I wish my job allowed for me to be able to get my son into a school that could cater better to his needs. I try to be active with his teachers and his school. The unfortunate fact is that I was unaware that he was having these problems until other behavior issues arose. He was doing a good job of hiding it. I try to be thoughtful and diplomatic about handling his problems. We don't let him get away with misbehavior but I never punish my kids unfairly and I always hug and love on my children. This child is my first son and he is also a momma's boy. I have no issues with this. He's not overly babied, but he prefers me to his father. I just want to do what is best for my son and get him the help and the direction he needs so desperately. I really appreciate ALL the feedback. Thank you!
I understand avoiding
I understand avoiding medication for ADD. MANY accomplished scientists, today, comment that they would surely have been put on ADD medication if they had been growing up today. I have heard that a chewale Omega-3-6-9 vitamin is helpful for ADD/ADHD. I know that there's a nutritional suppliment called "mindsmooth" for kids with ADD/ADHD, as well (the omega fatty acids, plus a few other vitamins).
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
This is wonderful news! I
This is wonderful news! I will most definitely check into this. I think it could benefit both of my boys! Thank you!
My son has ADD as well. And
My son has ADD as well. And I didn't want meds for him either.I did put him on omega 3s a year ago and it has really seemed to help. You should really try it!
You definately need to
You definately need to consult his doctor. This could be nothing to worry about or a serious mental health matter - it's too big a range to wait for the school to take action.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.
I am so your kid
I am so your kid fast-forwarded 35 years. Please don't let him wait until he's almost 30 to get help. I still battle the destructive coping mechanisms I developed to survive as a child, teenager, and young adult.
When I was 6, I got my first pair of eyeglasses. Until I put them on, I didn't realize what I hadn't been able to see before. At 28, when I first got medicine, it was the same ah-ha experience. If I had diabetes, I wouldn't mind taking insulin. Why should I mind taking medicine that helps me function on an even keel?
Please take him to a doctor. ASAP and before his next growth spurt. The hormones are going to kick in and make it all way more complicated. Don't not tell him what's going on: no shame; no blame. He'll most likely prefer to keep the diagnosis in the family, but at least he won't constantly worry about what's wrong with him.
It sounds like you are doing
It sounds like you are doing everything right. Life can be difficult at any age or stage in life. I agree with others who commented about giving the omega-3 fatty acid (fish oil) supplementation a try. When doing life - it sure helps to make the pot holes smoother along the way -
Dr. Joseph Hibbeln is a nutritional researcher and psychiatrist devoted to studying depression and omega-3 fatty acid deficiency. In 2000, major depression was identified as the fourth leading cause of disease burden in the world.
The gist of Dr. Hibbeln’s work is about omega-3 fatty acid deficiency during critical periods of development increasing the risk for depression.
Deficiencies of highly unsaturated fatty acids can impair neurological connectivity altering neurotransmission (which produces the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters; serotonin and dopamine).
Another issue to consider is the lack of situational objectivity that your son's teacher and school counselor may be capable of giving you. You seem to be highly intuitive. Perhaps this is not the right school for your son.
Pursuing another counselor that your son will like and open up to is another possibility.
Please let us know how it goes..
Jan Katzen-Luchenta AMI CFP
www.nutritionforlearning.com
www.iluminahealing.com
Jan Katzen-Luchenta
Author - Nutrition for Learning:Feeding the Starving Brain - Foresight nutritional counselor- Montessori educator - www.nutritionforlearning.com
Wow. If I wouldn't have
Wow. If I wouldn't have known better I would have thought you were talking about my 11 yr old. We are going through the same stuff. I have taken him to a counselor and I also talk to the one that is at the school. She told me today that it's hormones. Could be. They said he wasn't depressed. It's worth checking out. Talk to your sons DR and explain the issues/ I really think this is the age. With that being said I think it is still important for them to be able to talk to someone about "stuff". Try talking to your DR and also talk to the schools counselor. Maybe she can pull him out of class once a week and just chat with him about school and stuff. It might help.. Good Luck and let me know what works!!!
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.