So I was completely flabbergasted by something that my husband did this weekend when I was punishing my stepdaughter for breaking a toy and then lying about it. First off the toy she broke was a plastic slinky that my daughter got at a birthday party so when she said, "hey who broke my slinky?" it wasn't that big of a deal. I asked the girls which one did it and they all said, "not me." Well, I'm not dumb and since I knew who played with it last and where the other 2 had been the rest of the day, I knew which one broke it. So I basically put my foot down and said, "I know one of you did it, so you have until we meet your mother to tell me. If no one confesses then next weekend when you come you will not be allowed to play with anything that does not belong to you and you will be doing punishment." We then got in the car and drove to meet her. While we were driving, I did the guilt thing and the "if I were the other 2, I'd be very upset at the one who's lying because she got you into trouble" thing. Finally we stop and I hear the oldest whispering to the youngest, "You better tell Kim the truth. I don't want to be in trouble because of you." Well she did and she got the whole, "you should have just told in the beginning what happened and now you are in trouble for lying." So she got handed punishment of next time she came to our house she would have 2 extra chores to do. She started to cry and here's the part that made my mouth drop....My husband turned around and started "Baby, don't cry. It's not that big of...." I cut him off dead in the middle of that sentence and said the following, "What are you doing??? It is a big deal if she lies and why are you babying her?" I also couldn't believe my eyes when her very pregnant mom picked her up after being told what she did wrong and said in the same breath, "I'm not going to baby you after getting in trouble." Yes she was. So my question, do you baby your baby??? And if you do to what extent. My husband said to me that I was a little hard and she's only 5 (she'll be 6 in August). I said the only time I baby my kids is if there is a boo boo involved and that at 5 she knows better than to lie.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
I think probably all parents
I think probably all parents baby their children to some extent, come on it's your child your flesh and blood and you feel for them naturally!! However, when it comes to babying when you're disciplining that's another story. I don't baby my daughter at all when it comes to disciplining. How can you in one sentence be laying down the law about what they did wrong and the punishment for it and in the next sentence be all lovey dovey towards them .... talk about sending mixed messages .... I've had the same thing happen in regards to lying with my daughter who is 5 (6 in Sep.) I don't know if it's the age or if they're just testing the waters, but regardless a lie is a lie no matter how big or small and it needs to be dealt with as such to let them know that it IS a big deal and it won't be tolerated. I think half the time they do it because they are afraid of the consequence after they confess to it, but my take is if you're going to make the decision to do what ever it is you're going to accept the consequence.
Babying is one thing, lying
Babying is one thing, lying is another!!!
I think you did the right thing telling the 5 year-old that it's not what she did (breaking the toy) that bothers you most, but the LYING about it! Lying is a terrible habit and most kids who do it are not 'evil' --- they just see it as a way to protect themselves from consequences. And it works for awhile --- most of us are reluctant to mete out punishment unless we are SURE we know who did what --- but in the long run the habit of lying will be disastrous.
First of all, it destroys trust. As you said, most adults "know' who is lying even if we can't prove it, and we then start to blame the 'known liar' for everything, or at least suspect them in all wrongdoing. Teachers, babysitters, family, friends, etc. will pick up on this too. And no one likes to be lied to! It's insulting, like saying 'you're too stupid to figure this out, so I can say whatever I want and you'll buy it!'
Also, the other KIDS know who did what and they too will want to distance themselves from a lying child who not only destroys their things, but is constantly threatening to get THEM in trouble through the lies. So the liar is often isolated and 'punished' by siblings too, and this will make the lies get more malicious and bitter.
Last, lying is a VERY hard habit to break the longer it goes on. And sooner or later, the lies will collapse on themselves and the liar will be revealed as, well, a liar!!! So you're doing the right thing NOW by nipping it in the bud!
Give her the punishment, reiterate that it's not so much for the broken toy but the LYING and that you know she's a good girl who just made a mistake. Be supportive that you know she will use this a learning experience, and in the future when she does 'fess up' to doing something wrong, praise her for her honesty (even if the deed itself requires punishment.) That's not 'babying' --- that's good parenting! But protecting her from the consequences of her bad actions will KEEP her a baby --- and a deceitful one at that --- and she'll pay the price for that in the long run.
New to AZ --- still working out the kinks!
See that was my point also.
See that was my point also. How in the world do you "lay down the law" and at the time say, "but don't cry about it cause it's no big deal." I guess I baby in a different way. I'm loving and caring and if a kid gets hurt or has a bad day of course I baby them. But disciplining and being stern and sticking to my guns is what I feel makes me a better parent then those who don't. It's my job to raise decent human beings that don't lie, cheat, break stuff and steal. I plan on fulfilling my duties to the best of that. Oh and I did state when I was punishing that whoever broke it needed to fess up and apologize and when that didn't happened I got a little more tough. Maybe it is that age. Neither of my kids did this but that's only 2 of how many out there????
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
When my son was that age he
When my son was that age he lied ALL THE TIME, even about stuff there was no reason to lie about because no one really cared!!!! The rest of us KNEW he was constantly lying --- it was a bad habit like a kid sucking a thumb or carrying around a blanket.
It took a looooooonnnnnngggggg time and lots of work from all of us to get him out of the habit (although he still lies some times, I guess all kids do, but not as much because he doesn't want to get busted big time again!) And I don't know if this is connected or not, but now he's in Jr. High and has his heart set on being (drum roll please!) A LAWYER!!!! How perfect is that!?!?!?!?! When he first told us that's what he wanted to do, hubby and I both had the same thought: "at last, a productive use for your natural talent!"
I have no doubt he'll be a great success.
New to AZ --- still working out the kinks!
My goodness you've had a lot
My goodness you've had a lot on you plate lately! I agree with the last poster. I baby the hell out of my son (he is only 10 months though). My nephew, who I have had a big hand in raising has been babied by me as well. But like the last poster said....babying them during the time you are disciplining is different. My nephew is being raised by my parents and they baby him and let him get away with EVERYTHING. He knows that at my house he lives by my rules and bad behavior (especially lying) is NOT tolerated. I do believe it has something to do with the age. He is 5 going to be six in August. He does things he knows are wrong and lies about them to test how much trouble he will get into. With Grandma and Grandpa...he knows nothing will happen, with me, BIG TROUBLE.
The thing that would bother me the most is that your husband's actions are teaching your step-daughter to disrespect your authority. Is this the same daughter who threw the tantrum and kicked the recliner at you dad's house? I wonder if she is acting out to be disciplined. I know that may sound crazy, but some kids do that. It sounds like her mother and father give her her way a lot, one- because they might be compensating for them not being together anymore, and two-because she's the baby (I assume). She knows that Mommy & Daddy give her her way. You don't put up with it. My nephew does the same. He acts out because he knows I will discipline him which is attention, regardless if it's good or bad. Do you see where I am going with this? In my case my parents let my nephew get away with a lot because they don't really want to "deal" with the behavior (their thinking is, "we're the grandparents we shouldn't have to discipline him"..my thinking, they took on the responsibility of raising him , that comes with the fun times as well as times of discipline, but that's a whole other story) He knows that I care not to just "deal" with the behavior, but to use it as a teaching oppurtunity, which is what I am sure you are doing with your step daughter. I kind of ventured off of my point, but what I was trying to say is it seems she may be acting out because she knows you are the only parent in her life that will take care of it.
Good luck with everything. If you do ever want to meet for a drink, or just to talk without a keyboard (LOL) my name is Sabrina and my email is sbvdaisygrl@msn.com =o)
♥ "LIFE AIN'T ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL, BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL RIDE" ♥--Gary Alan
See I thought about that
See I thought about that aspect also and I think I'm concerned a little about that also. I think we do a pretty good job of spending quality time and doing family things with the kids when they are here and the only reason I wonder if that could be the case is because according to her mom she doesn't act that way at home. It's just crazy how bad it's been for the last few months. I will definitely keep your email also!
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
First of all.....you need to
First of all.....you need to speak with your husband regarding being on the same page as you and the two of you should determine what that page is going to be. Just not in front of the kids. Kids are smart and they will see just as any adult can see when people are not on the same page and play off of it.
We don't always no what "that page" is going to be when an incident comes up, but perhaps you and your husband can have a discussion on how to handle a situation like this in the future. Let him know how you did not appreciate his choice of words when comforting his daughter and how that made you feel.
On a side note....i give step parents so much credit for what they do!! It can be tough being a parent and then throwing step kids and an ex in to the mix, boy can that make it even tougher. Good Luck!!
just~me
Oh and just and FYI... When
Oh and just and FYI...
When my step daughter got out of the car, I stopped her before she left and said this...
"I want you to know that I love you very much and even though you got in trouble, that never changes. I want you to always tell me the truth and in return I will always love you for being honest."
Thanks for the step mom support. Some weekends it's very hard because you never want them to feel like they are just your step kid and you don't care.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Do you think that she broke
Do you think that she broke the slinky ON PURPOSE?
I DO NOT CONDONE LYING (let's get that straight!). However, you set her up.
You are in a unique position as a step mother. You put your daughter against a step daughter and demanded to know "who did it?!"....not, "what happened?" Any child is their right mind, would have guessed who's side you'd be on (from their perspective)
My guys were at my sister's house once and her husband got frustrated because someone took the nightlight out from the wall socket. Apparently, it had been an ongoing issue. Well, he called all of the children to the room, and as a group, demanded, "who did this?!"
I was pretty surprised by his black and white approach, but not at all surprised by the response of the kids. He demanded that they fess up. He looked each child in the eye, and tried to tell who was lying, based upon the nervousness. Well, my kids had never been interrogated that way, so they were pretty nervous! But, he guessed that it was one of his daughters because she giggled and sent her to her room. Ultimately, it turned out to have been his other daughter who wasn't there (she had already left for school).
When something goes wrong, you want to get to the root cause of why it happened. "Accusing" children will never get you to the root cause. It will set them up to protect themselves....tempting them to make a bad choice.
I have a hard time believing that the step daughter broke the toy on purpose, therefore, I think that your approach was misguided. Accidents happen, but I don't see anywhere in your explaination where you gave that compassionate understanding to the child(ren) as you tried to understand what happened. I think that a different approach on your part, would have yielded different results, allowing your step daughter the room to trust that she'd be understood, giving her the psychological room to make that right decision.
What might have happened if you had responded to your daughter's "accusation" of "Who broke my slinky?" with...
"Honey, I'm sure that it was an accident. Unfortunately, those plastic toys get tangled and broken pretty easily. Maybe it got tangled and someone tried really hard to untangle it, but it broke? Can I try to untangle it for you? Let me see...maybe the broken part is close enough to the end, that we can clip it and still use the rest?, etc."
What lesson might both girls have taken from that approach? I try really hard to use this approach and I wish that I had a penny for everytime that one of the boys jumped in and tried to help me fix it, and then explain how it got that way - on their own - "confessing", as it were. Without the unnecessary threat of punishment, kids really do tend to be genuine, honest, and remoreful about a mistake....
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
To Optimist......are you
To Optimist......are you kidding me? How did she set her step daughter up to lie? It's not like she handed her the slinky and said, "here, break this and lie to me about it". She didn't seperate the toys. She was allowing all the children to play with all the toys. She knew who broke it because she saw who had been playing with it last before she found it broken. It was also stated in the post that it had nothing to do with the slinky, it was the lying that was the issue.....so you're saying that she set her step-daughter up to lie? It wasn't her daughter who asked about the broken slinky. It was the mom. Maybe you should go back and read the post and comments because you obviously skipped the one where she stated that she told her step daughter that she loved her and that no matter what, that wouldn't change.
♥ "LIFE AIN'T ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL, BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL RIDE" ♥--Gary Alan
quote...." "so when she
quote...."
"so when she said, "hey who broke my slinky?" ...
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
First off, I wasn't mean
First off, I wasn't mean when I asked all three who did...Basically I said, "Whoever broke the slinky, you owe Megan an apology." That's when all three said, "not me." I'm very suprised at your answer. I never said I was interrogating them nor do I feel I was pitching my daughter over my step daughter. In our home, my kids know that they are to respect each others things and not lie to us (my husband or I). Things do get broke, and I felt an apology would have been a good enough consequence for what clearly was an accident. However, she hid the slinky in a bathroom drawer and my daughter found it when I told her to go comb her hair and then when it was found and she had a chance to be honest and tell me the truth and apologize she chose to lie about it.
I can tell you that this isn't the first incident and honestly, I could have been much more upset about this than I was. My step daughter (same one) also emptied out my daughter's piggy bank and has also broke things of my sons.
Being a step mom is really hard and I feel that I'm a really fair person (my older step kids will tell you that they love and respect me also). How I knew it was one over all the rest is my two other step kids and my daughter were parked out in the living room while it happened. And the lesson she learned...hopefully is was not to lie and be honest and admit she broke something and made a mistake and then apologize for her actions so everyone can benefit from this and hopefully if the tables were turned all the others will remember this, how everyone felt and do the right thing up front.
Sorry if it sounds like I'm being attackful but I honestly was more concerned about my husband babying her while she was in trouble than how I disciplined her. I'm more concerned about him entertaining that "I can get away with anything cause I'm the baby" attitude.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
I understand that it's
I understand that it's nearly impossibly hard to be a step mom. I'm simply asking you to see things from the step daughter's perspective, in order to gain insight into WHY the child made a bad choice. I have no doubt that this isn't the first offense.
I'm not saying that you were interrogating her - I may see what you said and how you said it, as perfectly reasonable - but I am an adult as well. How does the child see it? When you can understand that, then you'll be able to help her make a better choice in the future.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
The problem seems to be ---
The problem seems to be --- at least from my understanding of it --- that the 'baby' sees this as an opportunity to pit her Dad against her stepmom, and that is always a bad situation. She did break the toy, she did lie about it, but then she got the 'oh, there, there!' pity party from Dad. What lesson do you think a young kid will take from this?
I agree with the earlier post that said if "Dad" didn't agree with the punishment, he should have talked it over IN PRIVATE and away from the girls with his wife. That's true whether you're a step parent or just a 'plain old' parent --- kids LEARN very quickly how to play Mom and Dad off against each other, and that needs to stop for the kids's sake. Otherwise the kids will get the message that they don't have to respect any adults in authority because there will always be a parent to protect them from consequences --- and they will keep causing tension in the family with this 'enemy camps' attitude.
Perhaps the two could agree on verbiage such as "what happened" vs. "who did this?" but that is the LEAST of their problem at this point. The bottom line is --- if Dad is going against what his wife says and shows no respect for her authority, then why should the child do otherwise?
New to AZ --- still working out the kinks!
I am not going to focus on
I am not going to focus on the question of whether you should or should not have handled the situation with the kids that way, because I think it's really a secondary issue. There is a serious case of good cop/bad cop playing out here........I think the real root of the issue is Dad and the way he undermines you in general ......personally, since those are his kids, he should be taking the lead on discipline, and the two of you should present a united front......but he's taking the convenient and easy way out of letting you play the evil stepmom, and he remains golden.
I think that there is a huge power struggle going on between you and your husband......perhaps in part due to his convoluted state of mind, but I sense that he feels threatened by you because you are the primary breadwinner. Incidents like this are a passive/aggressive way for him to make you look bad & get back at you. Men are very sensitive about issues of respect, not saying that you are intentionaly disrespecting him, but just by definition your whole situation may feel like an attack on his manhood....from his perspective.
I am just going out on a limb, here.....what would happen if you told him that you wanted him to take the lead on such issues, and were willing to defer to his good judgement? Not that you neccessarily feel he has good judgement, but because you want to make him feel respected?
See that's the weird thing.
See that's the weird thing. When it was first discovered my husband started yelling and was P.O. that one was lying. I calmed him down immediately and said, "It's not that big of a deal, but whoever broke it needs to be honest and fess up." It honestly wasn't until she shed a tear that his attitude about the whole thing changed and he was starting to baby her bad behavior. That's why I'm questioning it a little also. I don't baby my kids (unless it's a valid reason like hurt or sick) and he doesn't baby my youngest or his other two just this one that is CONSTANTLY showing bad behavior.
The bad thing is if I let him take the lead on disciplining he would yell and probably spank or hit because that is 1. how he was raised and 2. too short tempered to collect thoughts pause and think about what to say next.
I'll be honest, had it been my kids that broke something I would have immediately scolded them and said, "apologize now." And honestly if breaking the toy was out of spite or anger, they would have been punished as well. My son can also tell you first hand that if he is caught lying he has extra chores and (depending on the lie) lost privledges, I just don't tolerate it.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Well then that is a bad
Well then that is a bad idea!!!
It seems to me the problems with him are the real crux of the issue....the first line of this post said how annoyed you were with what he did.....not so much what the child did, but what he did. And I definitely think he's pushing your buttons. When there is so much turmoil and tension coming from him, it just amplifies everything else.
Perhaps once he starts some kind of treatment and you begin working through everything so your relationship becomes more balanced, he'll be more able to take an active role in situations like this and you'll be better able to support one another.
You and I are not going to
You and I are not going to see eye to eye at all on this because you are the parent that thinks a child has a reason behind every action that they need to explain. There was nothing really needed to say from the beginning except for her to say, "I'm sorry, it was an accident," and then give my daughter a hug.
I think by showing her it's wrong to lie is going to help her make a better choices in the future. If I would have said, "now honey, that wasn't very nice," my daughter's feelings would have been hurt that someone broke her toy, my older kids would have seen zero spine and back bone and the next time she was here, I've completly given her a green light to break stuff, lie, and that I just mildly scold her and no reprocussions will happen.
To each is own in punishment, but I think I'll stick to my ways. 10 years from now I won't have to worry about my kids knocking off a 7-11 and then being upset when a cop catches them, asks them why they did it and then can't understand why they didn't let them go.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
I've never, ever, ever let
I've never, ever, ever let my kids get away with bad behavior. I don't need to worry about them knocking over a 7-11 either.
I think that we see eye to eye more than you realize, but I was simply pointing out another way - not a replacement way, an ADDITIONAL way, to tackle the situation, since it seems to be on going.
I do believe in getting to the root cause of a problem which entails looking at the situation from all viewpoints of those involved. I would sit down with my step daughter and explain a whole of stuff. I would explain that I've been thinking and that maybe there were many ways to address the problem.
The only thing that your daughter would learn by watching you address all aspects of the situation, would be how to be compassionate and analytical - fair.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
I'm with you Optimist. I
I'm with you Optimist. I understand what you are saying. Then it seems certain comments contradict themselves.
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
If my child falls and cries
If my child falls and cries real tears, then I will give hugs and wipe the tears.
If he was lying about a situation like this, then I would send him to his room until he wanted to tell me who broke the toy.
There is no way that I would baby him for doing something wrong.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
Well now that I've read all
Well now that I've read all these posts I'm going to answer one of the original questions.....Yes, I admit it, I baby my baby!!! I don't mean to. I don't do it on purpose. I try not to. But she is 14 years old and is the biggest baby on earth. I don't and never have done it intentionally. But she is my fourth and last....and there is definately a "baby" thing going on! Anybody else????????????????????????
Paz
I do thing that was a little
I do thing that was a little extreme for a slingy. As for lying, she should have been talked to about that in a firm way, but you seem to have gone overboard. It doesn't seem like she was babyed (if that is even a word, haha), but perhaps you went overboard. I would sit and talk about lying, being lied to, etc. Make it a learning experience, and yes possibly have an extra chore or two, but you were a little harsh on your words. Also, perhaps you should talk to your husband outside of the kids presence. They don't need or deserve to feel like they are the reason for you two disagreeing. I am a mother of a step-daughter so I am curious as to if it would have been different if it were your daughter?
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
I feel the need to clarify
I feel the need to clarify something especially after your response. This is not the first time she's lied about her actions. She took about $10 from my daughter's piggy bank one time and let her oldest sister take the blame for it. She has also taken other toys from my daughter and broke them and lied about it also. There has also been an incident where she rubbed silly putty into my carpet. About 3 months ago my bathroom cleaner was out and had been sprayed on clothes also and even though most recent event was at my dads a few weeks back where she didn't get in trouble after she got caught kicking a recliner chair for not getting her way. We have spoken to her on numerous occasions about lying and her behavior but I feel since my husband doesn't scold her because "she's just a baby," that my house is becoming a "I'll do whatever I want in it because I won't get in trouble" zone for her. Maybe I was a little harsh, but in my defense I'm sick and tired of her behavior and I'll get away with it because I'm the baby or I can blame it on someone else and no one will think that I did it cause I'm the baby.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Do you think her disruptive
Do you think her disruptive behavior might indicate a deeper and more serious problem? It sounds like she's 'acting out' on purpose and that is often a signal that something much bigger is going on beneath the surface. Could she be the victim of abuse by someone at her mom's home, or school, or church, or a neighborhood bully?
Maybe she needs to see a counselor or at least talk to someone --- preferably outside the immediate family --- about what is bothering her.
This wouldn't 'excuse' the lies and violent outbursts, but it might help explain them. And if she needs help, the sooner she gets it the better the outcome will be for all involved.
New to AZ --- still working out the kinks!
Thanks for clarifying,
Thanks for clarifying, however, I do think there are deeper issues that you need to deal with. If it is all you discipling and not your husband, that is something you need to address with your husband. You can not be the "bad guy" all the time with the kids, whether your and his kids. I don't like the my daughter, his daughter wording, seems like your not a "family". I have a blended family and we use our 8-year old, our 6-year old, etc even though the 6-year is my "step"daughter. We are one family. It doesn't seem you and your husband are on the same page with disciplining. There needs to be a common ground and boundaries as to your involvement and his. She is the innocent one that didn't ask to be brought into this world and needs guidance, love and support. Something must be going on with her if there is neverending behavior issues. Good luck!
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
Lying is a hard one to deal
Lying is a hard one to deal with.
When an adult lies it is a deliberate, conscious act of deceit and it feels like a betrayal when you are the one being lied to. Let's face it, we all feel deeply hurt when we are lied to.
Lying is very different for young children. They dont see it the way we do. I'm not saying it should be overlooked by any means but it needs to be addressed in an age appropriate manner.
This link shows how lying is perceived by children of different ages, it might help with addressing it in the longer term. It's an Australian link because that's where I am living right now but I'm sure you could find a similar American site too.
http://www.communities.qld.gov.au/family/parenting/children/lying.html
Excellent post - sometimes
Excellent post - sometimes it's easier to see the point when it comes from a panel of experts, who have vastly more experience across thousands of children....
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
I will definitely be looking
I will definitely be looking this over!!! I guess I'm at a lost a little about this in one sense because my 2 biological children never lied habitually UNTIL my son started doing it around age 10. Which now at age 12 is completely done (I'm the nipper in the bud type and took care of that behavior ASAP).
Thanks for the info and another insight!
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Aren't you being a bit
Aren't you being a bit hypocritical. I mean didn't you make a promise to your first husband... until death do us part? That's a pretty major lie if you ask me and kids can sense that something is not right long before they can put their finger on it. You and your husband are living a lie every day. Don't expect the kids to tell the truth.
I'm also appalled at the immaturity you demonstrated with the kids -- their reaction in the back seat was learning how to be political, not how to be authentic. This is why our culture and country is so despised by the rest of the world. Self-righteous selfish brats raising self-righteous selfish brats.
And so you come to a forum to get support (be babied) for a situation that you need to be punished for because you are not modeling the behavior that you are willing to hurt a little child for. My bet is that the child is more upset because clearly no one loves her. You dare to tire of her? Have you heard of patients and training. She's the child now, you had your turn. And why should she try to work on her problems, all the adults in her life bailed out of their marriages. Nice training.
EVERYONE hates Truth. The proof is in how you are feeling right now reading this post.
well there's not a lot of
well there's not a lot of constructive help here but there sure is a lot of venom!
I think your post is a little unfair to pheonixgrlkim1. Clearly she posted the incident and was seeking advice because she wasn't happy with the situation and was looking for advice and/or alternate viewpoints. I dont think she was a "self-righteous selfish brat" looking to be babied. I see nothing immature about recognising things didnt go well and wanting to improve her understanding of things so she can handle it better in the future. I mean where she was given an alternate viewpoint or advice she responded in a very genuine manner and if she were simply looking to have everyone say she did a wonderful job and there was no room for improvement then she wouldnt have responded the way she did to alternate views. I think her postings clearly show that she loves all of her children and wants to do the best by them that she can, hardly the postings of a self-righteous selfish brat raising self-righteous selfish brats.
To say that the daughter shouldnt work on her problems since all the adults in her life bailed out of their marriages is not logical. I dont even know where you were trying to go with that comment???
To be honest the only immaturity I saw was in your post which offered nothing constructive and only personally attacked phoenixgrlkim1. A mature poster would have offered their viewpoint without all the personal attacks and offered a suggestion for how they might have handled the situation.
As has been said before the whole point of the forum is that everyone comes from different backgrounds with different experiences thus we will have different opinions on different things. We all benefit from the combined experience of every member on the forum.
So with that in mind I'd love to hear how you would have handled it since you seem to feel you are far superior to phoenixgrlkim1. I hope that you can actually post something that is of benefit. :-)
Ok first off, I'm not a self
Ok first off, I'm not a self righteous brat and neither are my biological kids and my husband's other 2 children that do behave and do not steal and aren't "babbied." I also don't feel that I am being immature in the slightest way nor do I feel like I'm acting like a child.
Second off, how does my first marriage ending have anything to do with me being hypocritical towards my children. Yes, I did promise to love my husband till death do us part, and so did my current husband with his ex, but I was too young (21) to make a promise like that and his ex cheated on him throughout the 11 years they were together. Would you like to comment on that??? Oh and not to mention my husband's ex also stabbed him in the chest with a knife...do you think he should have stayed with a cheating, abusive wife.
As far as my step daughter not being loved, that is the most ridiculous statement of the year. To back up that comment, her mother is currently having another baby and I am the one that took vacation from my job to keep the kids while this is going on. She also gets "specials" just like any other child in our house hold does (she loves avacados, so last time I bought just her a couple). I love my kids all the same and honestly there are some days that I love my kids more than I love my husband. Me correcting a behavoir of lying is good parenting. I don't know any parent who would justify her lying and me not punishing her a sign of being a baby myself. However, I know plenty of people that would be suprised that I didn't scold and punish her.
Your posting reflects your intelligence which is lacking. It shows that you have absolutely no insight to disciplining your child. You're basing your opinion of our daughter thinking that because we bailed on our marriages (and my first marriage ended 7 years ago) is the reason to be ok with lying, breaking toys, and her constant stealing.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Oh and I think it's quite
Oh and I think it's quite funny that you have been a member on this site for about 7 hours and this old posting is the only one you have responded to. That makes me wonder if you have an ulterior motive about this site. Please if you do, take your negativity elsewhere. I'm sure I speak for the majority of the moms, dads, want to be moms and all other active members of this site when I say we aren't here in judgement we are a site to offer aide, guidance, insight and other values to others that have been in same predictaments. I value constructive critiscm given and others opinions but your's (as stated above) was a complete attack towards me and my posting so that makes me wonder what your real motives are or if you know me or this situation somehow and aren't giving a biased opinion.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."