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It breaks my heart to read
It breaks my heart to read about bullying at all, but even more so when it starts when kids are so young. Where do they learn this or how is it picked up? Have you approached the principal of the school? I would approach the principal and the teacher and would also try and figure out how you can approach the parent or parents of those who are partaking in this completely unacceptable behavior!! It's so wrong, kids are suppose to be nice, be friendly .... have fun and learn ..not be caddy, cliquey and mean .... :( good luck!!!
Girls bully by pretending to
Girls bully by pretending to be your friend, then using that against you. We've experienced it too --- girls who say they're buddies with my daughter, get her to tell them her secrets, then use that information to embarrass her or to lie about her.
The best way to deal with it is to confront the little "Queen Bees" head on --- they draw most of their 'power' from manipulating everyone and pretending to be innocent. If you ask them directly, "Why did you say Susie called Emma names?" with both Susie and Emma present. Or "Sarah said she liked Robert and not to say anything, but then you sent a text message about it to every kid in 5th grade. Why?" Make sure the QB's mom / dad is there too, because often the root of the problem is the parents.
You don't have to be mean or threatening, just politely ask for the information, but let the girl know that YOU know what's going on, and are keeping track. At least that way she'll know she can't prey on your child, and if enough parents do so, she'll lose her 'status' eventually.
I agree also to let the teacher / principal know what's going on. That way if it happens to another child, there is a record of the past bad behavior.
New to AZ --- still working out the kinks!
Thank you for these great
Thank you for these great ideas. We had a "i hate so and so" club in this class, that in a matter of 2 or 3 days grew to 19 girls trying to intimidate. It was started by one of two of the girls. Our school is now dealing with it, but I am unsure they will include all the parents involved or not. The guidance counselor emailed me and told me the principal was going to meet with some of the girls....hmmmm. I think this might be a bad idea. I like the idea of all the parents being on board and confronting the girls so it ends. Honestly, I grew up in the late 70's and I do not remember this happening until middle school. It is terrible for the self esteem of these girls. I feel so helpless as a parent.
I would love to see the school address it by having a speaker come...
I have written about my
I have written about my third grade daughter having problems with girl bullying that started this year for her. She is in a school that does not tolerate bullying so it stopped immediately when we went to the principal. I know that the girl that was doing the bullying has a lot of older sisters so that may be where it came from. My daughter had classmates that experienced this problem in first grade and second as well so it can definitely start young. I think the most important thing to do is keep the lines of communication open so that your daughter knows she can talk to you and you will listen to her. Take her problems seriously and be proactive. Do not think that it will "just blow over" because it doesn't. I think it is also important for girls to have friends outside of school such as church or clubs so they know that if things get rough at school, they have other friends they can count on for support.
I know I was amazed when my
I know I was amazed when my daughter was subjected to bullying at a very young age. Fortunately, our problems worked themselves out when the main instigator left the school my daughter was attending, but it was amazing that the child who was the biggest problem continued to try to call her and even e-mail her (sending things to my account because she was too young at the time to have an e-mail account). I really could not believe that the parents thought their child's behavior was acceptable and even reenforced it by calling her controlling and manipulative behaviors "cute". They loved how she always seemed to get what she wanted and they continually reenforced the behavior. I finally had to contact the parents and respectfully ask them to have their daughter stop contacting my daughter.
If she had stayed at the school my daughter was attending, I would have definitely approached her teacher(s) as well as the counselors and principals if things did not improve.
This particular relationship was many years ago and my daughter is now 15 years old, but it amazing how she processed those experiences. They truly made her stronger and she to this day goes out of her way to help anyone that she feels is being isolated. We have always reenforced with her to try and walk in other people's shoes and not to judge others but to always try to treat them the way she would want to be treated and I truly could not be more proud of her.
I know it is a difficult thing to experience, but rest assured if you keep communicating with your daughter and teaching her the values you want her to have, it will get better.
Take care.
JuneSlager is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com, raising three children (ages 15, 14, & 11) in Northeast Phoenix.
If this is happening at
If this is happening at school - like the other comments have noted - report it to the school immediately. By state law, the school has to follow an immediate procedure of talking to the bully, their parents, reporting back to you etc. We reported a situation involving my son to the school. I was extremely pleased with their after school hour response. Good luck.
Mom of teenage boys!
"Treat people the way YOU
"Treat people the way YOU WANT to be treated." This is what I tell my kindergartner's everyday when I am at school helping out at lunch at recess.
I hope by instilling this strong statement at a young age will help them to think about the choices that they make when they are about to say or do something to someone that may not be very nice.
Lisa_SchneiderCipriano is a discussion leader in the North, North very tip of Phoenix for arizonamoms.com. She has 6 year old triplets.
Girl bullying is hard
Girl bullying is hard because it can be physical or mental. It is cruel and damaging. I would encourage discussion in your house with your daughter. Do everything you can to encourage new friends for her. Also, to not let them see how it hurts her. If they get no response, they may back off. A simple answer like "what-ever" after everything may help.
soccermom