Gossiping?

This is a really sticky situation, and very similar to one I got into a few years ago at my kids' elementary school. There was a nightmare of a principal there at the time who forgot to order textbooks before the new school year started (oops!!), but succeeded in ordering beautiful playground equipment, and then ran out of money. And when teachers attempted to borrow books from other schools and photocopy them, the principal locked the door to the copy room. By November, I and other parents finally brought the media in, and voila, our kids suddenly got books.

First of all, I don't believe that this is "gossip," as your school administration would like to have it labeled. Sure, it would be nice and tidy, from the administration's perspective, for the parents to come one at a time with their issues to the school. But that's just not reality. You, as a parent, have a right to know about any kind of academic changes or unfulfilled expectations of the teachers.

It sounds to me like your school is treating the parents like kids.

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable at that school, especially if other teachers besides your child's are leaving. That means there are probably negative issues happening on the administrative level, which undoubtedly will trickle down into the classrooms.

And it definitely reflects badly on the school if the administration is taking this whole thing out on the teacher.

Just some thoughts....

DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a private email. Once you send it off, it becomes the "virtual" property of whoever receives it. It doesn't matter if the receiver is unintended, uninvited, etc., they still have it.

Truly, the "fire" started because of the content of the email. From what you've shared, it would appear that the teacher originated the controversy. Citing personal reasons for her departure was quite sufficient; however, she crossed the line by sharing her personal commentary regarding the teaching philosophy of the school. By doing so, she opened the proverbial "can of worms."

Had that statement been absent from her email, do you think that the reaction would have been different, not only from the parents but the principal as well? I am thinking it would have been received quite differently...

A good meter of what's going on in your children's school is the attitude portrayed by your children themselves. Ask your children what they think about the teaching methods at school...do they like them? Do they think they are easy/too harsh/just right? What's their impression of the principal?

As a parent, you have every right to ask questions about the teaching methods, philosophies, systems in place at your children's school. This is your right, by law.

By the same turn, by law, the principal is not allowed to discuss the specifics of why the teacher is leaving.

Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She is a business owner, community volunteer, and aspiring runner (whew!), who most enjoys her roles as wife & mom. Her children range in age from 4 to 13.

I think the one who gossiped was the one who forwarded the email. As parents, Ibeleive we MUST talk about the concerns we have about our school.If we don't, nothing will get done.

I do agree though that sometimes issues become a frenzy when a lot of people talk who don't exactly know what is going on. But, forwarding the principal the email? Not a good idea.

Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.

Here's what I think. The teacher could have handled it better. Just saying she was leaving for personal reasons was enough.

A lot of what is learned about the inner workings of a school comes from other parents. If it was my child, I would have been talking about the situation with the other parents too. I wouldn't take my child out of a school based on parent rumors, but I'd sure investigate to see if there was validity to them and go from there.

It sounds like the principal is trying to do damage control.

I do not think the teacher was wrong to send an email letting parents know she has decided to leave. Do you know how many of these emails would come across my desk on a regular basis out in the corporate world? With that said, i don't think she should have included in her email that the "school isn't teaching the way that she expected - the way she was told the school operates." Perhaps she could have mentioned that part to the parents verbally if a parents wanted more details regarding her decision to leave.

I think when you choose email as a way of communicating to the masses, you have to be very careful, because you never know where it's going to end up. It's unfortunate that one of the parents felt the need to forward the email to the principal prior to a meeting taking place.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking questions or discussing things before taking it to a higher level. In my opinion - from the way the principal reacted, i would think there is more going on that is not being shared with parents. Perhaps there are indeed more teachers leaving and the principal sees this as a reflection on him/her. Is it?

I have to agree with you "that the only "gossip" that ocurred was the person who took the conversation out of the internal parent discussions." From what you wrote, the parents had every intention of bringing their concerns & questions to the principal just as soon as they were done tossing things around amongst themselves. Nothing wrong with that.

just~me

I think the principal was absolutely wrong in this case - what happened to free speech and thought? I think the parents' plan to get together and discuss concerns, and then take concerns to admin. was the right thing to do. The parent who forwarded the e-mails was out of line.

Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.

I was teaching mid school in Gallup, NM, but my DP had already located to Albuquerque. I got a job offer in ABQ over the summer, and went over to the principal's house to explain why I needed to leave. He convinced me to stay long enough to start the school year and get the kids on an even keel before he brought someone else in. Kinda naive on my part; he was counting on me not being able to bail after I started.

It wasn't at all easy. Luckily, I did get to be the one to tell the kids. I announced it on Monday, the new teacher came in to work with us on Wednesday, and Friday was my last day. There were a lot of calls from concerned parents, and a lot of sweet gestures that brought tears to my eyes.

The best was that last day. I had 2nd period off for planning, and when I got back to my classroom, there were no children in my 3rd period class. I buzzed the office on the intercom, and was instructed to meet my class in another teacher's room. They were there; I think half the 8th grade was there, along with crepe paper, a dot-matrix printer banner, cards, and enough baked goods to put us all into a sugar coma.

I'm not telling this story to get a "praise me". I'm telling it because, throughout the entire process, it didn't occur to me to contact parents. Don't get me wrong; I was a big fan of my students' parents (okay, most of them). Above all, I was accountable to the children. I did my best to minimize the drama, to emphasize that I was leaving them in good hands, and give them a reasonable amount of time to adjust to the idea, but not string them out.

In retrospect, I think it was harder on the kids than it would have been if I had faded away over the summer. Many of our students had been in BIA (Navajo) schools K-5, and were getting used to the very Anglo culture of our mid school; in their culture, people don't leave for good; they journey and return. Between classes that week, while I was leaning against the wall in the hallway outside my classroom making sure that nobody was running, holding hands (yada, yada, yada), Jimmy Chee (a 6th-grader) came over and leaned against the wall next to me. If you know anything about Navajo culture, you know that just rubbing shoulders is like a great big Anglo hug -- and that there are no grammatical articles in their native language.

Jimmy: You leaving.
Me: Yup, Jimmy, I have to leave.
Jimmy: You not leaving.
Me: Really, how are you going to make that happen?
Jimmy: Chains. Big chains. Padlock. Chain you to desk.

I totally lost it. Good thing I wasn't wearing eye makeup that day; I'd have ruined my blouse.

I went out of my way to assure colleagues and parents who inquired that I had to go because of a family situation (they didn't need details), and that what they could do (rather than object to my superiors) is tell me how I could make the transition easier for the children.

I had this teaching job because I had, essentially, been terminated without cause from a job in another small town in New Mexico for (let's just say reasons that would be grounds for a lawsuit today). The folks in Gallup were so angry that they offered me a job -- via my department head and the principal who terminated me -- before the school year ended. Even when I got contacted by local press hoping to stir a controversy, the only comment I had was that we had agreed that my current position wasn't a good fit.

Hopefully, given this background, I have a right to say that I don't agree with how this teacher is handling her current situation. When you sign a contract to teach for a year (and every teacher, regardless of tenure, has to do that), you are signing up to be an employee of not only the school district (with all its positive and negative attributes), but also of the community that the school serves. That doesn't mean you have to appease everyone. It does mean that you need to show everyone respect.

You don't send out bulk email criticizing the school or the district -- especially if you are are (forgive me) a snot-nosed kid just out of college. She isn't just criticizing the school and the district, she's criticizing the veteran teachers and administrators who paid their rookie dues and stuck with it because they care about the children.

I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but I'm a member of the generation that has given this generation of teachers more individual rights than we -- or our parents who were teachers -- would have imagined. If I had my way (even if I do follow through and go back into the classroom), the principal and/or department head wouldn't be the only ones to drop into the classroom to observe and evaluate; parents, members of the school board, community leaders, CEOs, and even law enforcement officers would drop in. I can only imagine what I could learn from them.

Being popular just takes sophisticated social skills. Teaching children takes a personal, and sometimes life-long, commitment.

Thanks for letting me rant.

My first thought was simply immaturity on the part of the teacher. When leaving ANY job, you don't publically rant about your peeves with your employer. It is just not smart.

She obviously had not heard the saying "Don't burn your bridges..."
Seriously, would another district want to hire someone who complains to the parents about her prior employer?

Not a smart move.
Sounds very immature.
It should have been enough to say "personal reasons." OR, of course, say nothing at all. Just announce you are leaving and how you will "greatly miss the wonderful children you had the opportunity to spend time with, etc etc."

Happy2BMommy, is a stay-at-home mom who just turned 40 (argh!) with a 6 yr. old daughter and a 4 yr. old son, and is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Scottsdale.

I dont see the teacher or the parents to blame in this. It sounds like the teacher gave a quick reasoning to prevent any "why are you leaving" e-mails/questions. Should she have not been honest? I dont see the parents as gossiping either, if thats the case I am sure 99% of us are guilty for talking about something at school you seen or heard. You bet I would talk about it, discuss it, its our children! I think the prinicpal showed how disgruntled he/she was for scolding the parents and the parent who forwarded it to the principal in the first place is the one in total fault and obviously was trying to cause a problem.

Jody Pagliocco
Mom to Mariah 11/96 and Nicolas 10/01

I don't believe that this is gossip either and I think you have every right talking to other parents about stuff that bothers you. I personally think gossip is where someone talks about another person without their knowledge in a negative way and I really don't think it would apply when talking about your child's school and how it's run. I think that the parent that forwarded those emails to the principal was wrong and that was pretty rude to do so. I wouldn't want to be that parent on the next field trip..lol.. She might get snubbed b/c nobody will trust her...

Oh, I don't blame the teacher b/c she could have developed some friendships with these parent's and she was just being honest when ask why she was leaving. It could have been like she was sharing with a good friend. My son's 4 and 5 grade teacher at his private school was the same teacher for 2 yrs, we became very close with her. When my sons school closed she gave us all the dirt on why it was closing because we asked her and we had that kind of relationship where she could tell us. I didn't consider it gossip b/c we were not talking about one person.

Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children, Joshua 12, Brooke 2 and Mason 10 months

I still think that the less drama for the kids, the better. Discretion is still the better part for a 22-23 year-old who didn't like his/her first grown-up job, if s/he wants to have his/her second grownup job with an organization that doesn't have a drive-thru window.

Sure, she's got her first amendment rights, and she can rant and rave about anyone she chooses to -- so long as she's telling the truth. She's going to find that she's burned her bridges.

As someone who is actively working to retire back to teaching (i.e. an old fogey), when you accept a contract -- and that's a one year contract with no guarantee of future employment, you aren't just signing on to be in a classroom for 7 hours a day. You are not a state employee. You are not a city employee. You are an employee of the school district, which has people who execute administrative tasks, but who, like you, report to the school district community (both parents and non-parents).

I'm also speaking as one who lost teaching jobs over real prejudice, despite stellar reviews, and for others' political purposes, so this young woman can come talk to me about "unfair".

I'm sorry, but her actions are completely out of line, and just illustrate that she isn't mature enough to handle the awesome and wonderful responsibility that comes with 20+ sets of parents giving her their child to be with every day for 9 months.