I'm curious if anyone else has experienced something like this: My 6-year-old son is very, very close to my mother-in-law. They have a wonderful relationship, lots of sleepovers, dinners, trips to Peter Piper, etc. He doesn't have a lot of rules when he's with her but that's cool with my husband and me - they are buddies and a little spoiling won't hurt.
The problem is that when they are together and either my husband or I are around, my son becomes very sassy and rude with us, not his usual behavior at all. He's still great with Grandma but disrespectful with us. We've had several talks about his behavior, but things haven't changed.
We discipline him in front of Grandma, call him on disrespecful comments, put him in time out if needed, etc. So we try to nip it in the bud.
Like I said, I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this with a beloved relative, family friend, etc.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 7 and 3.
Since your son and his
Since your son and his grandma are pretty close, maybe she should have a talk with him about the disrespect towards you and your husband. Sometimes I talk to my son about something over and over and he does not listen. His Grandma can tell him the same thing and he seems to "get it". Maybe that would help.
I think that happens to many
I think that happens to many of us. My mother watches my kids during the day. She always tells me that my son didn't have to go to time out or was perfect. Then, I get home and he starts misbehaving. The same thing happens when my sister watches him. Someone told me the reason kids do this is because they know their Mommy loves them more than anyone. They know that no matter what they do you'll be there. I like that explanation. I also know that they do it because they're showing off or just missing you and want your attention. I think the main thing is to be consistent. If he's breaking the rules, you use your discipline plan. I think he'll catch on very quickly that he won't get away with it. Also, make sure he knows you're excited that he's back from Grandma's house, He'll like the extra attention. I'm also dealing with the same thing! If you have any other tricks, let me know!
Destry Jetton
Host, Arizona Midday
Weekdays 1:00pm on Channel 12
I agree - I think it happens
I agree - I think it happens to many. The little one's enjoy the extra attention esp. since granny is around. I'm sure it is something he will grow out of. Maybe having a talk with him as to what the expectation is before you head over to grandma's or she comes may help a bit. I know that helps with our son on all types of occasions - we have to set the expectation before the visit.
LisaMommy is a 38 year old discussion leader for arizonamoms.com from the Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area. Her two boys are ages 8 months and 3 years old.
I am a victim of
I am a victim of this.....and I think it is the attention that they love so much that they get a rise out of it. This happens to me when my kids spend time with my parents, and the funny thing is they don't spoil them or treat them any different than what my husband and I do or atleast that I can see. I just find it funny how people often tell me or they were fine until you came back, like gee thanks!! I'm just thankful that they were on their best behavior and although I really dislike the fact that I'm being told that I know that its only temporary.
When my mom moved out to
When my mom moved out to Phoenix I let my son go over there every other weekend. He would always be really rude to my husband and I as well. What I did was I had my mom tell him that if he continued to act this way then he would not be going over to grandmas house for the weekend anymore. So for a while she would come over for a few hours and then leave and then we started doing the overnight thing again and he knew that if he started being mean than he wasn't going to grandmas house.
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My 3-year-old daughter does
My 3-year-old daughter does that too, but just with my husband's mother. I of course address the issue with my child right away, and my MIL does back me up. My daughter just adores her grandma and "prefers" her to me when grandma is around. I take no offense. :) I do think her behavior will improve if we keep working on it.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
Yes, I've seen this
Yes, I've seen this behavior, and it has to do, so far as my experience goes, with what norms have developed in that situation. Kids adapt to what they can get away with pretty quickly, and if it's clear that a relative will put him on a pedestal, of course parental rules of a more limiting nature are going to rankle.
I wish I could say I deal(t) with this gracefully. I don't always. There have been some ugly moments in the last 12 years. I am consistent, however, which seems to have made an impression. If I have any advice for you, it's simply to stick with what you're doing, and recognize it's a situational issue that will probably also come up when friends--and their "house rules" (or lack thereof) come into your life.
Hang in there--it sounds like you're doing all the right things!