I was watching Wife Swap last night and one of the girls, who was around 11-12, was swearing like you wouldn't believe in front of her parents. I was shocked that her parents would allow this. I'm 25 and I still don't swear in front of my parents.
Do you allow your kids to swear? Have they ever sworn in front of you? How did you handle it?
jesshod is an arizonamoms.com discussion leader living in Surprise.
I have three children ages
I have three children ages 15, 14 and 11, and we do not condone them swearing in front of us or with each other. An occasional inappropriate phrase pops out but we do not just let it slide. We constantly reinforce using proper language and we even have a swear jar that all must contribute a $1 to when caught in the act. That even goes for mom and dad for instance when someone cuts us off on the road when we are driving and an expletive pops out.
I'm amazed when I'm out and
I'm amazed when I'm out and about at the language kids use in front of their parents. It's really sad, because it's the kids who will suffer for it in the long run.
Using foul language sends a negative message, and kids who grow up thinking it's 'ok' to be crude, vulgar and offensive will be at a HUGE disadvantage in school, when socializing and in the job search.
My kids are still too young
My kids are still too young for us to have this issue, however, I will say that I find it offensive to hear anyone swear, especially kids. How sad that their parents do nothing about it. It really does hurt the kids because it's so unattactive to hear that kind of language; the kids will be hurt in the long run if parents don't address the issue.
We don't allow swearing at
We don't allow swearing at our home and have tried to teach the kids to not use swear words. That being said, I think swear words are an interesting topic. What really makes a word a "swear" word and who gets to decide that? The only swear words that REALLY bother me are the F word and using the Lord's name in vain (GDI). I find it amazing that people are so quick to bust out GDI when it's a commandment not to do so.
sure, fine, whatever
First grade we had an issue
First grade we had an issue because a little boy was showing every one the hand sign for the f word. I found out one day when we were driving and my daughter asked me what it meant. I about ran into something when I heard her say that. I explained that it wasn't right and doing that to someone else only makes them madder. We don't alow that in our home either.
Swearing is a vocabulary
Swearing is a vocabulary killer
Kids who grow up using 'bad words' to express themselves often lack basic skills in vocabulary and self-expression. When they become angry or sad or even happy, instead of articulating their feelings, they resort to a few choice phrases (I think you know what I mean!) Thus swearing becomes verbal 'short hand' for communicating, further disadvantaging children who have this habit.
I'll never forget a friend of mine, an 11th grade English teacher, telling horror stories about some of her students. When they read "Hamlet" she asked them what they thought about it, and the overwhelming response was (pardon the vulgarity) "it sucked!" When she asked them to elaborate on that, many of them COULDN'T. They just kept repeating the same sentiment in various equally crude ways.
She had similar stories about debate classes: the kids could not construct and defend basic arguments, so they resorted to attacking the 'opposing side' verbally with swearing and insults. One student, pressed to defend his position, simply shouted "You're a fat, ugly loser, so screw you!" then beamed with pride, thinking he had won the debate!
Sad. Don't let this happen to YOUR kids
I have different rules for
I have different rules for different things. My 12 year old can say things like hell, shut up, not really swear words, but not things I love her saying. BUT, she can only say them when our 3 & 1 year olds aren't around. She knows if she goes overboard she won't be able to use them any longer.
In front of the little kids, if any of us say a "minor" type word we contribute $1 to the swear jar. If we say a "major" word it's $10. I recently had to put my $10 for saying s*** when a car pulled out in front of us.
Our 3 year old would lose a toy instead of using the swear jar, but it hasn't happened yet.
Interesting. For one thing,
Interesting. For one thing, I have noticed that parents define swear words differently. Some of my sons friends are allowed to say "crap" or "this sucks", while other parents do not allow their children to say those words. My DH and I do not swear (usually...), and we are pretty strict about words we won't use around the kids (we even go so far as to ban "idiot" and words like that). But Grandma swears like a sailor, and even though she tries to be careful around the kids, it still comes out sometimes, of course. We don't make a big deal of it, because I don't want it to become so taboo that it intrigues the kids. My kids know the words they can and cannot say, and they know that mom and dad disapprove of them because we view them as being disrespectful to other people.
No, my children are not
No, my children are not allowed to cuss either. They are 8, 6 and 7 1/2 months. I do cuss in front of my parents, but that is because they didn't raise me. My grandmother did and heck no I didn't cuss in front of her. My parents came back into my life when I was older so it's more like a friendship, if that makes sense.
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
This is interesting. I've
This is interesting. I've been trying to break the habit of using bad words; I work in IT with mostly men, and when a system goes down, the conference calls could make a sailor blush. Since I'm going to be gettting back out onto the road to actually work with people face to face, I'd like to leave my potty mouth behind.
We're practicing alternatives (Oh, my. Oh, dear. Shucks), but we haven't gotten to the point when one of us says, "Golly" that the other one doesn't crack up. Instead of a swear jar, if one of us slips, the other gets to pick a dreaded chore (as in "Hah, hah, go clean the toilet). It's working, but the house is getting pretty dirty.
Two quick stories. One time I was visiting Mom and Dad; my sister was living at home. Dad always said he had three kids; one of each -- a boy (my brother), a girl (my sister) and me. He and I were in his man-cave watching football, and at half-time we went upstairs to make sandwiches. My sister was complaining about her then-boyfriend (now husband) not being ready to get engaged. Dad said to tell him to "poop or get off the pot." I said, "Poop?" and then repeated some of the words he'd used in reference to members of the NFL. His response? "Don't talk like that in front of your mother and sister." The look on his face when he realized what he'd just said was priceless, and of course the three of us (the women) almost busted a gut.
Better was one Christmas Eve; I was about 19. We were still doing the thing where about 40 family members got together for holidays, and, since our generation was grown, the idea of camping out in sleeping bags in grandma's family room had lost its appeal. Dad decided it was time for hotel rooms, which meant we moved in convoys from house to church to house to hotel. So, Dad had his fan filled with kids, and I was (trying) to follow him in my car with my Mom. That man could drive a car 100,000 miles, and the turn signal would be brand new. He whipped a U-Turn on a busy street, and I followed, and I almost got nailed by a bus. I said, "S***!" and then realized that I'd just said a swear word in front of my Mom for the first time. I started to apologize, but she said, "That's okay, sweetheart. I was thinking it."