My husband and I are so upset we don't know what to do. Our primary school has year books we are new to the school this year. My 9 year old won last years year book just a few days ago. She was so excited to show me and really enjoyed looking at photos of her new friends. Later that same night we found out that she while hanging out at fellow grade 4's house had gone through the book and circled all the Ugly people in the book. The two girls proceeded to add comments like Ugly, very ugly, fat, fat and ugly, very fat and ugly. My daughter does not even know most of these kids. They circled teachers and kids right from Kindergarten to 8th grade. We are shocked and believe that we have raised our daughter different than this. Both my husband and I work with special needs people we are Christian, go to church every sunday. I keep reading comments about the apple does not fall far from the tree but my husband and I have never acted in this way to anyone. She is grounded for how long we have not decided.
We have taken away the year book which will be destroyed and we are asking that she make the money to pay for it. But how do we create a child who does not judge people in this way. Right now she is very angry with us, throwing things, threatening to rip up her speech (which I did not react to), screaming, crying etc.
I can't believe that 9 year olds can act this cruel.
Mom of 5
What she did is completely
What she did is completely normal. I remember doing something like that in the first grade through the influence of some friends without even thinking about it. A nine year old needs to start taking responsibility for her actions though. I would have her try to develop empathy for the other people she did this too. "How do you think Jane would feel if she knew you did that to her face? Do you think she would do that to you? What makes her so ugly? God made her the way that she is, and do you think God is happy with what you did? Tell me, how is Jane like you?" If you keep the questions straightforward and simple, empathy is not beyond the scope of a nine year old. I would still punish her though.
Wow, I love Christine's
Wow, I love Christine's suggestions. I think just the fact that you are so dissapointed in her will make a very long lasting impression. My 8 year old would stomp and tear too, but ultimately we usually don't have the same issue twice.
Do you have a story about someone who was hurt by such action? My kids seem to really respond once put into someone elses shoes.
Good for you for working so hard. It isn't easy but you know you are doing your job in trying to make her the best person she can be.
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
OMG my daughter is only in
OMG my daughter is only in Kindergarten, but I know these days will be coming all too soon . . . .I dread it. I'm going to keep these suggestions for future use!!
Nine year old girls are
Nine year old girls are definitely cruel. It starts long before nine years old though. I have taught kindergarten age children and have seen this behavior many times even at such a young age. It is now becoming the norm rather than the exception to see this behavior in girls. I think that it is unfortunate because the cruel behavior leaves scars on the victims that can be lifelong. I think that you sound like wonderful parents and just the fact that you held you daughter accountable for her actions and that you care about her will help her see that this kind of behavior should not be happening. It is also good to leave the lines of communication open with her because the group of girls that she is with can turn on one another very quickly and she will need you support if that happens.
It could have been that
It could have been that there was some peer pressure here too, from your daughter's friend, to do what she did to her yearbook. Maybe she was egged on and isn't mature enough to know how to handle that.
By the way, I think the responses here are great! I haven't had to deal with something like this (yet), so this is helpful.
DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com