Spanking children can lead to problems later in life Fri Feb 29, 1:02 PM ET
Parents who teach "tough love" by disciplining their children with spankings could be making them more likely to have sexual problems as teenagers and adults, a leading researcher said.
Professor Murray Straus, of the University of New Hampshire, found that children who are spanked or experience other corporal punishment have a raised risk as teenagers and adults to verbally or physically coerce a partner into having sex.
"It's more evidence that parents should not spank if the wellbeing of their children is at stake," he said in an interview.
Straus analyzed the results of the International Dating Violence Study, a survey of more than 14,000 university students at 68 universities in 32 countries. The students were asked if they had been spanked or hit frequently before age 12 and if they had coerced a sexual partner in the previous 12 months.
Men who had experienced corporal punishment were four times more likely to physically coerce a partner into having sex, than those who had not experienced a lot of corporal punishment.
Physical coercion includes holding someone down or hitting them. Women who had experienced corporal punishment were also more likely to coerce sex from a partner than those who had not been spanked.
"People generalize that the use of coercion, physical coercion, is okay. They learn that from people they love and respect - their parents," said Straus, who presented the findings at a summit of the American Psychological Association.
Both men and women who had experienced corporal punishment as children were less than 10 percent more likely than those who had not been spanked to verbally coerce sex from a partner.
Straus said studies have shown that corporal punishment leads to low self control and self esteem, as well as aggressiveness, antisocial personalities and the understanding that violence is okay which may lead to sexual coercion.
He added that there are alternative ways to discipline children that work better and do not have side effects.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
Thank you for sharing the
Thank you for sharing the article--I’m not sure how I feel about the study that was conducted, though. Although I am not personally a fan of spanking, it was much more socially accepted (not to mention prevalent) during my childhood years; that doesn't necessarily translate to a large group of potential rapists. I can definitely buy that spanking could lead to decreased self esteem. Also, the study seems to use "spanking" and "corporal punishment" interchangeably, so I'm just not convinced. Ladies—more thoughts and opinions?
I do the time out thing..
I do the time out thing.. The "knotty spot" as the supernannu calls it but I will say I have spanked when something they did was really bad... NOT HARD At ALL AND ONLY ON THE BUM! I am not a fan at all!!! I think time out works much better! The spank/swat is more of an attention grabber so they will striaghten up and listen to what I have to say.
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
After reading the article,
After reading the article, my thoughts were similar to LaraPiu's. While I'm not supportive of spanking, either, I'm wondering just how frequently and how hard these children were spanked? My parents used spanking in a judicious manner, as did many parents at that time. My gut feeling is that it takes more than spanking your child a few times during childhood to make them overaggressive and antisocial.
I'd take this study with a
I'd take this study with a whole shaker -- not just a grain -- of salt. There is a difference between spanking a child and beating on him/her.
Up until about 1990, many schools used "swats" as punishment. I don't want to sound like a grouchy old lady, but it seems to me that kids K-12 have a lot less respect for one another, adults, and/or property. Hearing an 8 year-old taunt a teacher with "You can't touch me" makes me want to see someone make the brat grab his/her ankles.
I also don't buy that parents who spank are wreaking psychological harm. If that were true, we'd have a generation of children raised by parents who didn't spank who are non-violent and who have significantly fewer psychological, emotional, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and (even) sexual problems.
While I'm probably horrifying people, I'll add that the "rules for spanking" that became popular in the 80's and 90's are laughable: those experts proposed that a parent wait to spank until s/he was calm, that s/he should tell the child what the spanking is for, and that s/he should immediately cuddle the child after the spanking.
Yes, a swat or two on the backside hurts. It makes kids feel embarrassed and ashamed. It's punishment. That's the point. In my experience, parents who will spank usually don't have to; they can stop inappropriate behavior with "the look". If threats like, "Don't make me stop this car," "I'll give you something to cry about," "Do that again, and you won't sit down for a week," an "I'll wipe that smirk right off your face" weren't effective, they wouldn't be burned into our minds the way they are. Heck, I'm 45, my Mom is 76, and, every once in awhile when I suggest that I might do something she wouldn't approve of, she responds with, "I'll spank!"
For the record, I do not, not, not, approve of corporal punishment other than spanking. Children should never be slapped on the head or face, grabbed hard, shaken, or struck across the back or legs or arms. Spanking should never leave a mark, and it shouldn't involve repeated swats. If the adult is too angry or too scared to control him/herself, s/he needs to walk away. We should spank to stop inappropriate behavior, and not to work out our anger or fear.
These psychologists spend a lot of time drawing spurious conclusions. For example, "corporal punishment leads to low self control and self esteem, as well as aggressiveness, antisocial personalities and the understanding that violence is okay which may lead to sexual coercion". If that were true, then a majority of adults in the U.S. over the age of 30 would have poor self control and low self-esteem, be aggressive and antisocial, and embrace violence -- especially in intimate relationships. I suppose they are also confused about their parents, since their parents both loved them and spanked them.
I would argue that, used appropriately, spanking -- along with groundings, time-outs, sending children to their rooms, assigning extra chores, etc. -- is an appropriate consequence for misbehavior. It's especially appropriate when the child is engaged in dangerous behavior (playing with matches, running into the street, etc.) or being defiant, disrespectful, or mean.
Assuming that all of us misbehaved as children, and faced consequences for misbehaving, what makes sense to you?
I agree this study seems a
I agree this study seems a little black and white.I think there is a huge diffrence between spanking and corpral punishment.
However, I am NOT a fan of spanking.To me that is teaching a child to hit if they need someones attention.There are other ways of getting ones attention besides afflicting negative touching.
I certainly appreciate your
I certainly appreciate your position, mwheeler. Serious question (not mocking): you hear (and believe) that your child has been breaking rules like running in the halls, refusing to remove his hat in class, and talking back to adults at school. I know, from your posts, that you wouldn't defend that behavior or try to shift the blame for his behavior. I think we'd agree that there's an attitude at work that needs to be adjusted. How would you get your child's attention and modify those behaviors?
not_the_mama: Fair
not_the_mama:
Fair question.I will respond the best I can.You are right I would not defend his behavior, nor would I shift the blame for his behavior.My son knows his father and I are very supportive of him.Know matter how wrong he may be, he knows we will be here to help guide him.However, he needs to own his behavior.
My husband and I talked long and hard about raising children before we tried to start our famliy.Given both of our childhoods we knew what we didn't want to do...and what we want to try to do.
So we our raising our son with the " Forward thinking approach".
One example of this is:
Our son came home late from a friends house( four houses down the block).When he got home he saw I wasn't amused.I sat down with him and asked him "Why, did he think it was important to come home on time"? He said" Because I make you worry if I am not home, and because you are trustng me".Very good.
That was a year ago and twice he has called me to say he was on his way, it was only a matter of minutes of him being late. I didn't need to spank him or ground him, for him to understand the importance.
He needs to own what he does or says and the forward thinking, for us has been a blessing.
He is our son and of course we love him so much.We also see him as his own person, he is a individual.And because we see him as such I can't imagine hitting his bottom.He was struggling with doing homework right after school. He came to us and asked if he could do it later after dinner.We agreed to try.....and his grades improved,we feel because we are open to his suggestions he is open to ours.My point is we communicate a whole bunch.We ask him questions about his behavior, we put it forward to him.To work towards a solution.
Honestly, our son has only been sent to his room once.
The principal last year actually called us and thanked us for raising a well mannered and caring child.I wish I could take all the credit, but I can't this is who he is.
Yes, he will only be ten in a few short weeks, so up to now we just haven't had many issues that have warrant anything more then the " Forward thinking". And we fully expect we will be tested and when those times come and our approach needs some shinning then we will ground him.We feel that if we ground him for everything he does wrong that eventually that won't mean a thing to him.I was spanked and I was embarrassed, but more then that I felt degraded as though I wasn't apart of the famliy unit.
Every kid is diffrent and needs to be handled in diffrent ways.
So, I am not here to judge you or others who spank their child.Our approach may not be for you or someone else.And spanking doesn't fit in ours.Thanks for asking...:)
I was spanked, not abused,
I was spanked, not abused, as a child and I am fine. I am a tax paying, law-abiding citizen in the community. I would be interested in understanding what type of spankings these individuals who turned out to be sexual deviants received.
My daughter will receive a swat on the bottom if she is disobedient. That is the only place that I would ever even think of spanking her. In fact, it is one swat on very rare occasions, to get her behavior in line.
I also practice 1-2-3. She responds on 1 but most definitely on 2. Should she choose not to respond on 2, then the consequence for her disobedience is a swat on the bottom. I do not believe that spanking causes children to hit. My daughter has never hit me or any one else for that matter. Toddlers go through a natural stage of "mine" so the hitting to get back what they feel is theirs is a process. But that too, needs to be addressed earlier on.
I believe the fundamental difference is deciphering abuse from a spanking. I can understand an abused victim having aggressive behaviors which probably are defense mechanisms.
The key with discipline is that children need to understand there is a consequence for disobedient behavior. As an adult, if you run a red light--the consequence for that action is a traffic ticket. If you fail to pay your light bill--the consequence is disconnection of the service. Whether a naughty chair, time out mat, or 1-2-3, the result should be a modification of the unwelcomed behavior. I don't expect for people to agree with my form of discipline as I do not agree with others. But what I really don't understand is a child that receives no discipline and the parents who states, "I can't do anything with her. She won't listen." The parent is doing that child a great injustice by not enforcing discipline. An undisciplined child grows into and undisciplined adult. And those are the ones who are more likely to be criminals and have aggressive behaviors in my opinion because they were never taught boundaries.
"The Lord is great and greatly to be praised." Ps 96:4
I think the key there is
I think the key there is probably that there is a big distinction between a "swat on the bottom", and a full on "azz whooping".........but I think that distinction is unfortunately lost on a lot of people, especially when they discipline with anger and in the heat of the moment.
My father told me many stories about frequent beatings he recieved as a child - this was post-depression era rural Kentucky, so he got what people believed was appropriate discipline at the time(and some still do).......and I think what he took away from it is mostly "might makes right"...and I absolutely would not have considered him to be a truly disciplined person, he had very little impulse control and adapted his morals to suit his view of a situation....his mindset was more or less that intimidation is key to ensure things are done your way, and if someone "makes" you angry (note the lack of ownership of the anger there) then you are entitled to hit them and show them what's what. My point is that I think he would have learned more from a different method.
I agree with your point above that an undisciplined child grows into an undisciplined adult, and parents who use none at all are doing their children no favors....discipline is vital to a child's development and even their sense of well being....and I think there is more than one way to discipline a child, and corporal punishment is not required for appropriate discipline. That is just my view, and others are entitled to thiers.
Is it only me? I cringe at
Is it only me? I cringe at the word "Obedient". I'm sure that it's just semantics, but....
A co-worker of mine (an educated engineer) explained to me that they were teaching their son (11 months) "obedience" and boundaries by slapping his hand whenever he crawled on the tile. Their reasoning was that he could get underfoot in the kitchen and get hurt, so they were training him to only crawl on carpet. They also reasoned that they would expand his physical boundaries as he got older, but that rules didn't need to make sense for the child - that's what obeying was all about.
I told him that he would cringe at my house, because just the other day, my son who was 18 months old at the time, went over to the fridge, opened it, took out an apple and starting eating it, while dancing to The Wiggles, "Fruit Salad".
Every rule that we have ever enforced, came with a clear reason. I've seen parents enjoy "demonstrating" their child's obedience by calling them and having them perform some task, in front of the parent's friends.
I guess that I just have my brain wrapped so far around "discipline is teaching" and "spanking is about obedience", that the idea of routine spanking is so unsettling. Although, I know that many parents view spanking AS teaching. It just feels like puppy training to me, and I think that young children can comprehend so much more than a puppy. I guess that I'm just a natural rebel and I hate to squash that nature in my kids.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein