No Thank yous

Wow. I'd be disappointed. A proper thank you is such a lost art. I still have to prompt my kids to say thank you, but one way or another, a thank you gets done!

Susan is mom to Alexander, Isabel, David and stepmom to Eric. Make sure your email address is current, we'll be giving out great prizes DAILY in September after our site makeover! Don't miss out!

Unfortunately, I think many kids are used to being 'served' and pampered by adults. BUT there are many more who don't take a nice time for granted and are very polite.

I get irritated, same as you...having b'day parties and sleepovers and I've had kids attend who can't ask me for enough tokens, eat enough cake and pizza, etc., etc. and never say thank you...then again, we've had those kids over who say please without being prompted and thank us just for coming over for a simple playdate.

Guess which ones get invited again and again?

It's all in the upbringing. Manners are a big pet peeve of mine, though. I also expect adults to show my children courtesy. I don't know how many times we've been in a store and an adult thinks they don't have to say 'excuse me' because they are trying to get past my child. I always look them in the eye and say 'excuse me.' I doubt the message gets through. The same adults would probably get irate if my children weren't polite to them. And we're not even talking about the ones that nearly run over my kids with their carts!

I try and be "that" mom and remind my kids of manners when they forget but truthfully I think kids are kids and when they get caught up in the moment of fun or winding down from it they forget. HOWEVER, it doesn't make it right!!! I'm pretty lucky and my kids are pretty good with manners (I've taught them well) so please and thank you usually drip easily from their vocabulary. Hopefully you receive a call here in the next day or two from some of the others but if you don't, the only thing you can do it chalk it up to an experience and remind your own children of the value of manners and that thank you's and please's go a long way!

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

It seems like I'm forever reminding my daughter at home to use her pleases & thank yous with us, but when she is around other people, at school or at a gathering or something she's pretty good about using them, however I do have to remind her from time to time. I have noticed when we've been at parties when we leave I have to remind her (she's 5) to say thank you for inviting me and it's almost like when I'm saying it she's thinking oh yeah I'm suppose to do that .... so I don't know if they get so caught up in the excitement, etc. but still it's no excuse.

I would be disappointed if I were you too it sounds like you did a lot for your daughters party and went over the top with allowing her to bring 3 friends and then no thanks or a reminded one ... yep I'd be disappointed too!!

You can't be mad at the girls. Its not their faults. Kids are raised differently these days. At my child's daycare they teach the kids to call the women "Miss" and they can't get food/drinks/toys unless they say "Please". Its hard to remember that we ned to be upset at the parents and not the kids.

chellesmomma I don't agree that you can't blame the children, I think you can in some instances. There are those children who are brought up with no manners and no concept of what a please or thank you is. However, there are others that are brought up knowing what manners are, they are taught to use them, they are reminded to use them and they still don't. Yes, I think that sometimes children make honest mistakes and just forget, but I don't think you can honestly blame the parents for it happening in all instances since a lot of children are taught respect and manners and just either disregard them when they are not around their parents or it slips their mind.

Usually my daughter's friends are good about saying their thankyous. When they forget, I will gently remind them by saying, "Hey, Julie - your welcome for the great time you had!" Then they smile a little bashfully and say thank you.

sure, fine, whatever

I bet girls that age are just shy with adults. I'll bet if the first girl getting dropped off had remembered to say it, then the others would have too. In an assembly line situation like that, I'll bet that they just automatically did what the others did. That doesn't mean that they aren't grateful. I'd venture to say that if they had been leaving your house after a party, that they would have remembered because the situation is more routine and routines trigger our memory. If these girls had been 12,13 &14, I'll bet that they would have had the self assuredness and composure enough to remember to say thank you in an out of the ordinary situation. And, I'll bet that if you were to walk up to them right now and mention that they forgot to say thank you, they would feel bad about it. But, that's totally what I've seen in my boys. They never fail to say thanks when leaving someone's home or when they are served food at a restaurant, but they do forget in other places. It's a good reminder for us to remind our kids to think about thank you anytime, all the time! I remember sleep overs and ALWAYS saying thank you to the mom afterward, because I was so shy, that's almost all that I would say! But, I was 11, 12 & 13 for most of my sleepovers.

"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein

Sounds like a great party. I love that idea. Bummer no one said thanks--maybe you'll get a note or something. It just reminds me to do all I can to raise grateful children who don't feel entitiled.

Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.

Maybe you'll get written thank you's in the mail soon.

This might seem a little rude but if a child doesn't say thank you and their parent doesn't prompt them, I say "You're welcome, it was fun having you". The child usually remembers and says "Oh sorry, I forgot to say thank you". Or sometimes I'll just ask if they had a good time and usually that is enough of a reminder to them and the parents for the thank you.

I know it's not my job but if their parents dont teach them to say thank you I stand by the motto of "My house, my rules." and apply it to events that are at my invite.

We are Southern transplants and you should see the response my kids get when they say sir and ma'am - its a shame we are holding kids to a lower standard nowadays. If we didn't get sir/ma'am out quick enough when responding to an adult a wooden spoon was in our future.

I think its the same with thank-yous. My kids get "the look" when I think they aren't going to say it but thankfully I don't have to use "the look" or wooden spoons very often.....(okay, they only get "the look" instead of wooden spoons - times are changing).

Oh man, that sucks. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'd feel disappointed too. Geez.

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!

While we're on the subject....

Sometimes, I ask my husband for something like, "hon, would you mind grabing me that water", for example, in a "sing-songy voice, that implies "please". He clearly hears my intention and my gratitude up front in the way that I've said something. We often extend the same understanding to the kids and don't necessarily make them say the actual words, "please" and "thank you" each time. Now, if we hear the slightest bit of hurried, inattentive, "command", like, "where's my milk?"...that's when we say, "well, if you find your manners, I'll find the milk"....or, "pardon me, Atilla?", which reminds them to say please and focus on the person whom they are asking.

Ocassionally, my husband may be tired and not that patient and he'll get anoyed if the kids forget "please", even if they said it in the same sweet, sing-songy way. He's a man, after all, so he tends to default to black and white thinking, esp when tired or cranky.

The obvious answer is that if you require the actual words, every time, then kids are less likely to forget. Yet, I don't necessarily want empty words either, so I tend to focus more on HOW something is said, rather than WHAT was said.

I've literally been at a friend's house and watched as my son VERY sweetly asked for something, as her daughter commanded, "may I PLEASE have some juice?!" and yet her mom "reminded" my son that "in this house, we say please". She seemed to be so caught up in the word please, that she failed to teach her daughter that saying please, sarcastically, isn't really saying it. While, you can still say please without the actually saying of the word.

Similarly, my kids can say that they "hate" peas, while her kids all chime in, "ooooooh that's a BAD WORD!". Meanwhile her kids say stuff like, "you're a curly cue!" or "pillow-head!" and my boys think that's mean, but her kids say, "uhnt ah, I didn't say a bad word".

I suppose that's why I will give "credit" for a "default please" to a well behaved child, even if they don't say it specifically.

"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein

Even us adults forget to say thank you. Isn't it? Too busy is my excuse.

The thank yous need to go both ways. Your daughter should have thanked them for coming and they in response should have been reminded to thank her for the invitaiton.

Whether it is an outing or handing out treats after a game, it is very surprising how few kids use "thank you." It takes reminding again and again, but hopefully we can instil the social grace.

soccermom of a 12 yr old boy and 15 yr old young lady