RVSP manners

I know you shouldn't have to do this but perhaps you could call one or two parents of some of the kids that your son is closer too and find out if they're coming. If you don't have enough kids for a party (I'm not sure what you have planned) maybe you could change the "party" to doing something a little more special - such as a movie outing, bowling, etc. That way your son won't be disappointed at the lack of kids.

Lattemom is the mother of three energetic kids ages 6, 8 & 11 and a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com.

This is incredibly frustrating and happens no matter what the date of the party , or what you have planned etc. I always end up calling the parents of the kids that are invited and pretty much can count on a little more than half of whomever I have invited to show up. This has happened every year with my girls for the past five years and the excuse is always that they have completely forgotten about it. Anyway, go ahead and call and good luck!

I agree this is incredibly frustrating and incredibly rude at the same time. I have called parents before right before the party; a day or two. Most of them were like oh I'm glad you called, I've been meaning to call and have just been busy, or oh I forgot all about it ... so maybe it would be okay for you to call. Sometimes people just get overwhelmed and hopefully that's all it is. I would say go ahead and call if you have #'s to do so. I wouldn't be offended if someone called me that I hadn't rsvp'ed to. Tell them you're calling to try for planning purposes and to try and get a more definitive head count.

I have the same problem every time I throw a party. But what I hate even more is when people RSVP that they are coming and then they no show. If they do that without calling, they are dropped off any future invite lists. I usually call everyone the day after the final RSVP date to be sure. People totally lack manners these days. Ihave taken to sending a photo magnet reminder with the invite(you can make and print them on your computer) so that people can stick it on their fridge as a reminder.

I guess I'll pull out my address book tomorrow and start calling. I hate for my son to be disappointed. We prepaid his party, which is for up to 10 kids. I didn't want to clean house, so I was really only hoping for five or six to show up.

Originally, we talked about just inviting 3-4 boys to the house for a swim party. But he really wanted a gaming party...we don't have a Wii or PS3 or Xbox.

Next year, I'm definitely doing something small.

Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.

I always set the RSVP date for a week beforehand (even if the party place says they only need 48 hrs.) and call all the non-responders 2 days after my deadline (5 days before the party).

Usually almost 1/2 the people don't bother.

Pathetic....and, of course, rude.

Happy2BMommy, is a stay-at-home mom who just turned 40 (argh!) with a 6 yr. old daughter and a 5 yr. old son, and is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Scottsdale.

I agree it's hard not knowing. The best thing I've ever done was send an evite. I know it's not fun or personal, but people reply immediately, then it sends a reminder too. I'm sold.
If that is too impersonal, I've also included my email address to RSVP. It seems like people hate calling these days.

Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.

I know what you mean - I'm a calendar driven person myself. I put the RSVP deadline on my calendar to ensure I make the call or email (whatever the invite notes). If I know the calendar is clear then I many time RSVP quickly...if we have several things on the calendar for that party date then I'll wait till closer to the RSVP date to see if something changes on the calendar. When I put an RSVP on invites I typically put it 1 week in advance and a few days after the RSVP date if I don't hear from a few people I will begin making phone calls. I have to make the RSVP date 1 week in advance as I typically order paper products from Birthday in a Box or an online birthday ordering website - so I typically do that 1 month in advance (sometimes even 3 months in advance - I know I'm so anal - but it for a Dec. birthday and with holidays its so hard to do everything at once.) So, to know how many plates, etc. I normally order enough for everyone (in case they all say 'yes') however I almost always over order paper products (but we use them even after the party - so they always come in handy.) Anyhow...if I were you I'd try next year to make the RSVP deadline earlier - maybe that might help with the frustration. I know its lame when people don't RSVP. Have fun!!

LisaMommy is a 38 year old discussion leader for arizonamoms.com from the Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area. Her two boys are ages 8 months and 3 years old.

I'm trying something new this year in an effort to get as many RSVPs as possible. We're having a Sherlock Holmes Mystery party, so I created a website for the party (www.easysite.com). The invitation includes a passport, a puzzle peice and an evidence file. I'm asking the guests to find their code letter in the evidence file (a long story, but really cool!) and then log on to the web site to enter the code. I'm hoping the the invitation is so appealing to the kids in his class that they encourage mom to RSVP! I'm actually shoot'n for 100%.

I've vented on this topic before. It is frustrating because although I plan a menu, I don't purchase the food until the day before the party, so that I know how much to buy. Also, I always have to spend more on goody bags, just in case. I'm thinking about all of the kids and how awful one would feel if I was short a goody bag, so I go above and beyond to avoid that. I wish other moms would give the same consideration and just drop me an email!

"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein

I too know the frustration of waiting for RSVP's and wondering what the attendance for an event would be. I have found that most people will respond to a follow up e-mail right before and RSVP deadline. Of course this means double the work because I have sent a paper invitation and not heard back and it entails getting everyone's e-mail address. But if you have the e-mail addresses, definitely send a quick reminder note, I have found that people are often more likely to respond to e-mail than to pick up the phone.
If e-mails are not readily available, then it is time to pick up the phone. It seems to be more the norm these days that the follow-up falls upon the party planner, not the attendee. That does not make it right, but in order to get results it is a must.

JuneSlager is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com, raising three children (ages 15, 14, & 11) in Northeast Phoenix.

I know that when myself or a member of our family receives an invitation to any event, if I don't call and respond asap...I never will. The golden rule in our house is that as soon as we receive the invite, we check the calendar to see if the day is available and then we call to either confirm or state why we can not attend.

There have been times when I have put someone's invitation on the fridge and marked it on the calendar stating that we would be attending but when it came time to call...something came up (ie: the kids were fighting, the phone rang, the oven timer went off, somebody needed something, etc.) and the call was never made. At this point when, I'm way past the deadline date..that I try to best explain my tardiness in responding in a timely manner.

As much as we hope everyone has a copy of Emily Post's manners and etiquette (sp), life will get in the way. I would be pro active and call your list to confirm your count.

We've all been in your shoes...no worries, it will all work out.

Lisa_SchneiderCipriano is a discussion leader in the North, North very tip of Phoenix for arizonamoms.com. She has 6 year old triplets.

I did get a call early today from one parent who said he just found the invitation in his son's backpack. One of the moms I called this afternoon said she never got it. I'd say it was a boy thing, but I didn't hear from 3 out of 4 girls invited, too.

I have to say thank you to the parents that did RSVP. I really appreciate it.

The good thing is the people who I know are coming will make his day. And all I wanted for him - especially since he is a shy boy - is to be surrounded by people he knows. That's what this celebration is all about. The outside venue was about not having to clean house twice. :)

Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.

Only one person who didn't RSVP showed up...and they read the wrong time on the invitation (they came when it was pretty much over). I felt terrible, but at the same time I thought if they had called, I would have been able to clarify time. At least now I have that child's home number and a play date set for before school lets out.

Funny, you do end up relying on the school phone lists. I didn't get one last year or this year (and maybe I did but it never came home). The old list from second grade was pretty much outdated, so I could only reach two moms.

I just wish more parents just let you know yes or no. I call even if we can't come just so there isn't that, "will they or won't they" confusion.

In the end, my son was happy, and that's really what matters.

Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.

All manors have been lost. Don't take it personally. This is true for wedding to birthday parties of all ages. I have called to get an RSVP after the deadline passes. It helps calm my fears that no one will be there and helps for planning the food and activities.

soccermom