So my son came home from Jr. High yesterday saying that he's scared because some kids at school threatened to "jump" him. Me, the naive mom, had to ask what "jump him" meant, and now that I know, I'm steaming mad.
Like how dare these kids threaten to beat up my son who already has so much to overcome every single day?? If he were in a wheelchair, he'd be confronted with compassion, but since he has INVISIBLE disabilities, Asperger's Syndrome and Tourette's Syndrome, he's confronted with hostility.
Kids with Asperger's generally lack social skills, which makes Jr. High all the more challenging and terrifying. My son's Tourette's symptoms include loud, very disruptive vocal tics and physical movements that he cannot control. So he's got a double wammy -- a double wheelchair so to speak -- and yet he's teased, bullied, and misunderstood constantly throughout each day.
I'd fed up and wondering if there are other moms out there who have experienced this with their kids and how they handle it. Also, how, as moms, can we work together to educate our kids about this issue?
DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
I'm infuriated just reading
I'm infuriated just reading your post! I don't know that I have anything constructive to offer other than sharing your frustration. As a parent we can teach our kids how to deal with others insensitivity and cruelty, but unless the other kids are taught compassion, it's a lonely battle.
At my second grader's school, they often discussed and even role-played how to be kind to each other. Some kids don't get this kind of education in the classroom, and definitely not at home (see the post by "me" about the Gang for a Toddler). I know there is the Character Counts program in the schools, but I'm sure we could do more.
Susan is mom to Alexander, Isabel, David and stepmom to Eric. She does community outreach for arizonamoms. Be sure to enter the Back-to-School $1000 Giveaway every day July 4-31!
I don't understand why
I don't understand why caring, compassion and respect aren't taught in homes, like they were back in my day. I instill these qualities in my child every day. They are so important and yet have been lost over the years. It is a sad statement on what our society has become and the fact that we value and respect things more than people is disgusting. I am sorry for what you are going through, as parents we just want to love and protect our children and it is so painful, when they are hurting. I myself probably would call the principle so he is at least aware and see if he has any advice on how to handle this situation. Good luck!
Maybe have a mini-assembly
Maybe have a mini-assembly talking about different types of disabilities (or your son's specific issues)? When my youngest was in kindergarten, one of the children had had a (heart?) transplant, and they did a really good presentation to all the kindergartners about what a transplant is and how it helps sick children. I believe the little girl wasn't able to run and play as much as most of the other kids, and having everything explained to them at their level really helped the other students understand the issue.
I'm sure the teacher(s) would be willing to round up all the students for you to do a presentation explaining how Asperger's and Tourette's affect people.
Good luck!
I am so sorry for what your
I am so sorry for what your son has to go through! I wish our society taught our kids kindness and compassion. Have you tried talking to your sons school officials. Some schools will help parents by allowing them to come in and address the school students and inform them about your sons conditions. A lot of school bulling although unexcuseable is a result of kids not understanding that which is different in other children. A lot of today's parents dont discuss these things with their kids. It is an option maybe.
Its makes me boil inside
Its makes me boil inside just to hear how horrible kids can be.
Parents are to blame for this behavior. I think its the kids that are raising themselves, which have no discipline, respect, or love at home. All they are learning is to cause harm to others for no reason. If I had did something like this to someone else, my mom and dad would have burned my bottom good, and growing up, we always knew the consequences of bad behavior. If this was my son, I would be at the school the next morning wanting to speak to the principal and meet the boys and their parents that wanted to jump my son.
The school is suppose to be a safe environment for our children to learn, not a place where you get threaten by punks all day.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
Well, as a former Jr. High
Well, as a former Jr. High teacher, I can tell you that this is common.
To a cetain extent, kids at this age are so self absorbed and unsure of their own self-worth, that they treat others with cruelty without even thinking about it.
This in no way excuses the behavior, but how to deal with it is a tough issue. I agree, of course, that empathy and kindness must be taught in the home, and I also believe that schools have an obligation to provide a safe, bullying-free environment for our kids, but I know from experience that this is easier said than done.
I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, just sympathy. I do know that after having taught middle school for many years (and I don't dislike middle school aged kids) that I will never subject my child to that environment...I'm getting all my ducks in a row now so that we can start homeschooling well before the middle school years start.
My heart goes out to you and your son.
Jenny David
Doula, Childbirth Educator, Breastfeeding Counselor
www.valleychildbirth.com
I'm teaching my kids as many
I'm teaching my kids as many of the psychology studies as they can understand at their ages. Their emotional education is every bit as important to me to teach as their intellectual education.
I teach my older son about the biases that cause people to attribute the good things that happen to them, to their own character traits, while they attribute the bad things that happen to them, to circumstances beyond their control. I teach them about the perceptual biases that causes people to assume that when bad things happen to others, that it is the result of their character traits, when of course that's no more true for others, as it is true for them. We talk about this all of the time. I challenge them if I see them make those assumptions. With a concrete example, they see what I'm talking about and they develop compassion and the ability to recognize this thinking in themselves.
Put yourself in their shoes...put yourself in their shoes...put yourself in their shoes...I sound like a broken record, but I want this to be second nature to them.
I'm so sorry to hear that some kids are treating your son poorly. Educate, I guess. Maybe send an email to all of the parents in his class? I would enlist the teacher to help. Of course, you know all that. I guess that I'm saying that I agree and I would be very frustrated too!
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
my cousin has this and she
my cousin has this and she is in 2nd grade. She has already had some kid issues, but for the most part nothing to serious and it makes me sad to think of what is to come for her.
I am sorry to hear about your son.
My son has a real kind heart...I hope it continues.I think kids make fun of things they just don't understand. Doesn't make it right but I think that has a lot to do with making fun.
My son was made fun of because of his ADD , even though it isn't what your son has I can understand the frustration and the hurt that goes along....
Good luck!
I think it's very sad how
I think it's very sad how kids today seem to be so "out for themselves", rude, demanding of respect, and down right mean to others. My son is almost 12 and will be going into Jr. High this August. There used to be times when I'd overhear him talking with his friends at our house or wherever and he'd make a comment or something that I thought was sometimes rude and hurtful to his friends. At that moment, I would pull him aside and ask him if he's feeling bad about himself today or upset about something that would make him feel like he needs be hurtful to someone else in order to feel better. That has always shut him right up and almost seems to make him feel foolish for what he said - because I truly feel that is why people are hurtful and mean is because of the way they are feeling either about themselves or about something going on in their lives. Now, believe it or not, I hear my son say the same thing to friends (in his words.."Dude, are you not feeling good about yourself today - that's not cool") when they're being hurtful to each other. It kinda makes them stop and think about why they're acting like that. I completely agree with the previous poster that said..."put yourself in their shoes...put yourself in their shoes". I am constantly saying this to my son and truly hope he will continue to be compassionate and cognizant of others' feelings!
Mom to 12 year old Ryan who does nothing but eat, sleep and ride motocross....which is a whole other can of worms to open!!
Kids are amazingly
Kids are amazingly compassionate in elementary school and yet it seems like as soon as they cross the street to the middle school, something changes. I'm wondering if you could talk to your son's teacher about finding him a "buddy" who could help him out socially and keep an eye on him to make sure he's not being bullied. At my son's school, autistic children attend mainstream "specials," like music and art with their age-appropriate peers. The kids are very accepting of these kids and go out of their way to help them because they have been educated about autism. I wonder if that kind of education in, say, your son's homeroom would help? There are some wonderful middle school kids out there; it's a matter of making a connection for your son.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
Unfortunately, there isn't
Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do about other people's kids. There are a lot of good suggestions here, but, so far, we've been talking about protecting your son, rather than empowering him.
I don't know the extent of your son's disability, but you might consider enrolling him in (even adaptive) martial arts training or boxing lessons. I'm not suggesting he should fight; I'm suggesting he should know that he could if he had to.
There are probably kids without disabilities at your sons school who are different -- or even weird -- who don't get bullied or teased. It's all in the attitude; they aren't easily intimidated.
Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."
I just want to add that when
I just want to add that when my daughter was in 7th grade, she came down with a illness in the mono family called cytomegalo virus or CMV. This happend one month into the school year and the doctor recommended I take her out of school because going to school would be too exhausting.
This was not flying with my daughter who loves school - so we got her a wheelchair and made arrangements with her teachers to accomodate it, At first the kids were compassionate towards her, but it only lasted for a few weeks. They then teased her and spread rumors that she was faking the illness and generally being mean.
My point is that kids will be mean to other kids at this age for any "perceived abnormality" whether it be autism, a kid in a wheelchair, or a kid whose pants are too short.
It ultimately is up to parents to step up and mold their children into caring and compassionate kids.
sure, fine, whatever
I wish he and my son went to
I wish he and my son went to the same school... They could walk the hall of the school with a unified front that says don't mess with us!
Ok, I have no idea if this will work for you but it worked for us once, There as a bully in our old neighborhood that said he was going to "jump" my son and I was so upset I gathered some of the older boys in the neighborhood (kids of moms I knew) and I had them walk with my son. It was quite intimidating when the bully saw that my son had some big friends... Now, my son is big for his age and he remembers what those big kids did to help him a few yrs ago and he
ALWAYS helps kids that are getting bullied...Still sometimes my son will get bullied but I think it's the age.
I wish kids didn't have to worry about dealing with bullies. I'm fed up also with kids that act this way. If it is one kid in particular do you think you could set a meeting with this kids, his parents and the principal? DO they even do that???
Sorry your having to deal with this... I hope it is not stressing your son out... It's sad that some kids feel it necessary to bully other kids. A lot of it does fall on the parents of the bully b/c they never taught the child that it is unacceptable
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Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.