Did you all hear about the Florida pastor who challenged his married Parishioners to "engage" every day for a month to take on high divorce rates. Rev. Paul Wirth of Relevant Church in Ybor City, Fl, according to the AZ Rep. today.
That is all the newspaper says but I must say it creeps me out on a few levels. What do you all think? While I assume his challenge is meant to get couples focusing on each other, if there are problems in the marriage I doubt these will solve them all. Also, were there kids in the congregation? How upsetting to think of everyone around you being asked to do this, your parents, yuck!!...
It just seems wrong to me, and the base concept makes me tired! :)
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
Not to male bash, but I'm
Not to male bash, but I'm not surprised that this "solution'' comes from a man. He clearly thinks that having sex all the time will fix any problems in a marriage. I'm all for a healthy sex life but c'mon......
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.
I agree with the above
I agree with the above comment....very typical of him to come up with a "solution" that focuses on the man's needs, and leaves the woman's still unfullfilled.....how about combining that 30 days of "mandatory service" with a full 30 days of the man putting effort into helping his wife with the children and housework as well, perhaps doing at least half of what she normally does everyday??? I know there are a handful of men here and there who do their share, but in my experience that is rare, and even in two income families the brunt of the household chores are still considered "woman's work".
There are many days that I am worn out after a full day of work, commuting, housework, homework, laundry, etc.....and I find it hard to suddenly get into the mood at 11pm. It is probably selfish but sometimes out of frustration I wonder how much more I am supposed to give!!!
I understand the
I understand the logic...feelings follow behavior, not the other way around, as most people intuit. Changing your behavior will change your feelings...but, EVERY day for 30 days???? I didn't even attempt such nonsense when I was trying to conceive! How about every other day, with a full, one hour massage and breakfast in bed for the wife, on the opposite days? LOL....
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
LOL - your idea is soo much
LOL - your idea is soo much more appealing to me than his! (not that I don't love my husband, but lets not OVER love my husband, if you know what I mean!) I wonder what the women in the congregation had to say. It's on page A14 of todays paper (2/20/08) there isn't much beyond what I shared.
You've got to think there are older couples in the congregation too. I am sure people who have been married 20 years already figure they've gotten by this long on their own nookie schedule, they don't need help now?!?! LOL
A 30 day "say something nice and help your spouse" challenge doesn't seem nearly as strange to me, but that wouldn't make the newspaper either.
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
I think it's a great idea!!!
I think it's a great idea!!! However, I hope it was not said in front of the entire congregation. I think maybe if it was in a class for married couples and the topic was how to battle the divorce rates and to connect with your partner it would be an ok place to bring it up. I think sex is very important in a marriage. It keeps couples into and engaged into each other. It keeps them "IN LOVE". It reminds you of why you got married in the first place. When you go for long periods of time without it you just become co- habitants, like roommates raising children together. I'm not trying to upset anyone but I see a few comments that "it must have been a man's idea" and stuff like that. Sure it may seem like men have a higher sex drive but I think that is b/c they don't have body issues like most women do. Women are so concerned about their bodies. It can make us depressed to look in the mirror naked. You can find 100 faults. Depression plays a key in sex drive as well and I think a lot of women after having kids get depressed about there bodies. I see a lot of women that have children completely out of shape. I see them everyday walking around pushing their children in strollers or at school picking up their school ager just miserable and depressed looking. I see it the way they carry themselves. I think body image effects so many aspects of your life as a woman. Face it.. if you felt better about your body no matter how hard you worked during the day doing your mommy stuff you would still feel like "being intimate" with your husband no matter how tired you are. It's all about body image. But sex and marriage needs to go hand in hand. I totally agree with the challenge and I'm a stay @ home mom of 3....
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
You go girl! Check in in 30
You go girl! Check in in 30 days and let us know if it helped anything.
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
I see what you are saying,
I see what you are saying, and I see the very basic logic in feelings following the behvior as well, but I think it is also contingent on the level of emotional support already established in the relationship............if very few of the woman's needs are being met, having to give this every day for thirty days seems like rewarding the man for doing very little in return. I don't think that poor body image is the culprit for most women's lack of sex drive.....perhaps in some cases it is but imho in the majority it is consistent lack of appreciation and support from the man that erodes the drive. Over time huge resentment and anger can build, and since there is such a huge emotional component involved for most women, it is very hard to get to a place where they feel like being intimate on a regualr basis with someone who shows so little regard for their needs, or is overly critical and takes more than they give. Having sex every day for 30 days isn't going to magically reverse this kind of situation.
LOL...all I'm thinking right
LOL...all I'm thinking right now is I'd love to have sex for 30 days in a row here's the problem...my job, kids, household chores, husband being gone out of town for work for the last 30 days minus weekends, errands and other stuff will prevent me from this. My feelings are this, sex is a great way to bring two people closer together, but what if you are already drifting a part. Not to knock the priest, but what ever happened to good old fashion communication, marriage counseling and then maybe getting between the sheets. Sex doesn't fix REAL marital problems, it acts as a rug that you sweep your problems under momentarilly forget what the issues are, then after the deed is done, the loving moment is past, and a few hours go by, the problems still exist.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
My husband and I were
My husband and I were talking about this.....he said it looks great on paper.My husband doesn't want to have sex unless we are both in the mood...if not it is just a turn off.That is when we have a emotional connect like talking..." Emotional sex".
I agree sex is very, very important, however if there is already problems it isn't going to fix anything...and it may make things worse if you are having sex everyday with a peson you are having problems with.....you may love him but it doesn't mean you always like him!
My to do's are always on my
My to do's are always on my mind if they are not done.
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
lol......isn't that the
lol......isn't that the truth!
My husband laughed at this whole thing......
We were joking about everyother day I would be doing my list in my head....or thinking about this that or the other......
Don't get me wrong my husband loves sex.......again this goes to quality...not quanity!
If I might be so bold...sex
If I might be so bold...sex is how we create life. There shouldn't be any shame in it. Particularly when within a loving consenting relationship. And I would be willing to bet that it probably would help. Just my little two cents on the subject, but don't tell my husband cuz then he might think I am open for some crazy 30 day deal. HAHAHAHAHA.
Have a blessed evening and enjoy life for all its pleasures :).
Aymee C. Buckhannon
Independent Executive
http://www.GilbertMom.com
I think this would be great.
I think this would be great. Yes it may be hard to do with work, kids Ect, but its only a 30 day challenge. If I were married I would give it a try.
ANDREAKAY