One for me, one for you

I'll drink to that :)

Not sure if I completely agree with the study, but I know our children watch everything we do. It makes sense that they would find it normal to do this.

KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.

How big is big? Just wondering.

Growing up, I knew that if my parents were going out, I didn't have to worry how tipsy I was going to be because I knew they wouldn't smell it, notice or be awake when I got home. It did make a difference.

Having said that, I don't think that would stop me from having a party or a few drinks on the weekend if I wanted to. I know that sounds bad, but I'm not sure that my drinking is all there is to it when it comes to my kid drinking or not. What other factors do you think could be included? Peer pressure? Ads? Society? Accessibility? Parent-child relationship? What do you think?

I agree. But most parents don't want to acknowledge this, because then this means they need to look at themselves in the mirror and see the example they are leading..
Kids now days don't take responsibility, because they see that their parents don't also..
I said this about example a few post ago, and got trashed by all these moms.
It's just commen sense, but that seems to be lacking alot nowdays.

" just my Opinion"

I would say that my husband and I like to cocktail as much as the next guy. My 16 year old refuses to go to a party where there is drinking. Not sure I totally agree with the study. I think I drink more than my parents did. Personally when I was growing up the kids who drank a ton in high school and especially college were the ones where it was forbidden and never talked about at home. Come to think of it the same was true for sex. Hmmm....wonder if that has any thing to do with it. Forbid it and it is golden. Just a thought.

As my grandad used to say, "Everything in moderation."

If a parent likes a cocktail every once in awhile, a beer after mowing the lawn or while watching football, or an occasional glass of wine with dinner -- and knows when to stop -- that's an okay example for kids.

I remember that, when I was a teenager, my Mom sat me down and said that she knew I'd probably be offered a beer at a party. Her advice was to take one and hold it all night, sipping every once in awhile if I wanted to. The logic was that one beer over a couple of hours wasn't going to get me drunk, and, so long as I had it in my hand, nobody was going to think to offer me a second one.

Keep in mind that I came up in the 60's and 70's, when drunks on TV were supposed to be funny. Everybody smoked (just about everywhere), and we got candy cigarettes at the corner store. We had real butter, whole milk, eggs, red meat, white bread, and sugar every day. Cars didn't have seatbelts, nobody wore a helmut to ride a bike, and skinned knees were a badge of honor. Fistfights happened. We lit out the back door after school and didn't show up again until it started to get dark. We'd come home from ice skating on the bumpy pond at the park wet and cold. Almost everybody had at least one scar from when s/he had stitches. Teachers at school had paddles, and, if you mouthed off to a parent or teacher, you could expect to get slapped.

If we raised kids today the way my generation was raised, somebody would call social services. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying we should. I am saying that, in our enlightenment, we've thrown some of the wisdom of my parents' generation out with the bathwater.

Drinking is a good example. Long before it was fashionable to designate a driver, we were taught that drinking and driving don't mix. Our parents told us that, while Dean Martin was funny, he was just pretending; real drunks aren't funny. By word and example, we learned that civilized people could "hold their liquor". People who couldn't pace themselves or who didn't know when to stop probably shouldn't drink at all -- to save themselves and everyone else the embarrassment.

We got kiddie cocktails in restaurants (back then, it was a Shirley Temple or a Roy Roger - heavy on the cherries). We got to taste the grownup's cocktails. As we got older, if we were with family, we'd be allowed a measure of wine or beer during a celebration.

In our extended family, the teenager who came home a little too happy on Saturday night could expect to get up the next morning at 6:00 am to complete a checklist of chores like scrubbing the bathrooms, mowing the lawn, cleaning out the gutters on the roof, etc. What you drank with a grin, you could darn well sweat out with a grimace. Then, you could shower, shave, and get dressed for Church, where you would participate in the mass with enthusiasm. There's nothing like a sip of Holy Lancer's at the communion rail the day after to make you green at the gills.

Of course, what I'm saying confirms both the study and what Karina says. If we act responsibly, we can teach children how to act responsibly. In all things.

ps: Karina, can you *please* indulge me in correcting your tagline: "she blogs about raising small quality human"? Besides the obvious, I keep thinking of USDA meat standards, and somebody stamping children with labels like "prime" and "choice".

not_the_mama, I love what you had to say.

I, too, was pulled out of bed early one morning in high school by my dad with the offer of a McDonald's Egg McMuffin dripping grease and a yard rake. Obviously, the Boone's Farm Tickle Pink I had consumed the night before didn't escape his notice, though he never mentioned it, and politely looked away while I dry heaved in my mom's rose bushes.

I think you're right about giving kids credit for using their own brains in these matters. Even at 8, my kid can tell the difference between the grown-ups in his life have a glass of wine with dinner and the drunken college parties in the rental house next door. He'll obviously make up his own mind as he gets older, but communication and setting a good example is key to helping assure it will be the right decision.

Oh, and I fixed my tag line. Thanks for pointing that out. I hadn't noticed!

Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.

I also liked the thoughtful responses about drinking--and the hopeful position that kids have more brains than we sometimes give them credit for.

Personally, I'm terrified my son might go overboard someday as he enters the teen/young adult years and is exposed to peer pressures I didn't succumb to, but I'd like to think that between our conversations and a lifetime of examples, he'll ultimately make responsible choices.

I hope I can keep my cool and sense of proportion as well as some people's parents did during their experimental years. Only time will tell.

My kids have asked me about wine and beer. They notice if/when we drink. I've been pretty upfront, though, pointing out we never drink and drive and that drinking has to be in moderation, just like eating cookies and donuts. Too much makes you sick and act stupid. They get that (we've pointed drunk behavior at public events, too, so they know it looks stupid).

They seem to understand that wine and beer is for adults - sometimes it's to compliment food (red wine with steak, just as milk goes with cookies). But they also know we can't drink these drinks like water. And typically I don't drink more than one glass in front of them.

I've let them smell it...and to their young noses, they think it's gross...like another "gross" to them drink, coffee. I'm glad for that now. Hopefully they won't feel peer pressure to drink beer in HS. I resisted in HS & college because I didn't want to look stupid or care for the taste (particularly beer) then.

Well, I think that study could be flawed.

My father was a raging alcoholic all throughout my childhood -it did not turn me to drink, or any of my other 5 siblings. I've heard similar stories from others raised in similar circumstances.

Instead I am quite anti-alcohol and anti-drugs, this was the case in my teens also - I didn't even want to experiment with smoking. Without realizing it, my dear old dad had quite an unexpected effect on my young pliable mind ... or ... could it have been my Mom influencing my choices? ;)

Yes! Children follow our example for good and bad, and it does happen in many cases where the parents unhealthy behaviours lead the child down a similar path - especially if BOTH parents lack proper parenting skiIls and are addicted to drugs and alcohol (same applies in the case where there is only one parent - single Moms/dads - that the child has to rely on). What else can one expect? Children depend on their parents for proper guidance. It is our responsibility as parents to raise children who have proper self-respect and who then can also respect the rights of others in turn, i.e. to be worthy human beings who are capable of understanding what it means to love themselves and others (not an easy task!)

I don't know if I should thank my father for showing me first hand what addiction and vice can do to a human being and his loved ones, or if I should hate him for robbing me from having a loving father! :D

In my case all my gratitude goes to my Mom who is a loving, caring person, albeit for many years an abused wife. Despite the hardships she always put us kids first, and I think that is why we didn't follow my dad's pattern. My mom never touched a drink or even smoked a single cigarette in her entire life. She is a deeply religious woman who felt a moral obligation towards her children in spite of her tough circumstances (they were finally divorced when I was 12).

The reason I'm sharing this? Don't believe every study you read, they are as flawed as the humans conducting them . ;)

I'm not sure I totally agree with the study. Being raised by an alcoholic father and teenage mother, I drink socially and waited until I was in my mid-20's to have children. I guess the majority may follow in their parent's footsteps if exposed to it. However, I chose to want to be different from that and especially raise my three daughters different as well.

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!