When I was a kid, my parents always told me that if I wanted to try something--like smoking (they would "let" me smoke the whole pack at once), or drinking (I was allowed to taste their drinks if I wished)--that they would prefer me to do it at our house instead of out with strangers who might not watch out for me. Frankly, knowing I could made me less inclined to do so.
When I read about parents who facilitate undersage kids' drinking parties, I'm always surprised. Parties? Private tasting, perhaps, but publicly condoning that behavior in minors? I don't know. Two parents I know have had terrible experiences with alcohol-related incidents and their own teenagers. Seeing these kinds of needless tragedies makes me feel completely out of touch with the world, and a bit more watchful. I think about the implications of my parents' philosophy now that I have an 11 year-old, and wonder when he asks about alcohol whether I would legally or ethically be able to offer similar options to my son. I'm not sure I could.
Sponsoring those kinds of
Sponsoring those kinds of parties is irresponsible at best and illegal at worst. I was no angel growing up but it was a different time and there is too much that can happen today with kids.
If you're having doubts about your parents' philosophy, maybe it won't work for you as a parent.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.
I agree with Susie! I look
I agree with Susie! I look back at what I was into as a kid and know I am lucky to be alive today. Drugs are so much more potent today, sex can kill you and alcohol related deaths among teens is way more than I can bear when I think of my teens getting involved in that. My husband and I have gone out of our way to educate our kids about the dangers of all of the above. There is no gray area when it comes to these things...they can kill...the first time!
Do NOT allow drinking
Do NOT allow drinking parties. they will try and sneek it and you just have to be around and hyper vigilant. I was that way and the gang still hung out at my house. Although I eventully went to bed graduation night it wasn't until I had all car keys nobody was leaving. Other than that night if I caught them they had to give it up.
I agree with Susie too. When
I agree with Susie too.
When I was in high school, the kids with the parents that allowed them to try drinking at home or even have drinking parties always got into the most trouble and had the most extreme behaviors. One didn't survive into adulthood. Things can just get too scary.
DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
Thanks for your insights--I
Thanks for your insights--I feel a bit less like a prude now, since my sentiments seem echoed in your comments.
What is forbidden is
What is forbidden is desireable because of the extra thrill that comes with disobeying parents/authority figures, especially with teens.
In the case of alcohol, I would say don't flatly forbid it, let them try it in extreme moderation at home. Stress the values of moderation, and stress strongly the fact that it's something which is very potentially dangerous if you're not very careful with it.
Tell your kids that if they are at a party where alcohol is available, you would be happier if they didn't partake, and that you will never be angry if they call you to ask for a ride home out of any party they aren't comfortable at. Stress strongly that if they DO drink, that they are to call you for a ride home at *any* hour, or call and tell you that they're spending the night. And that you will never ever yell at them for doing so, but that if they don't, or get in the car with someone who's driving drunk, you'll take away every vehicle privilege they ever thought of having for a year.
All I can say is that this approach worked with me when my parents used it. I wasn't ever even tempted to go out and drink - There wasn't any point to it for me, and there wasn't any thrill of the forbidden. It just seemed silly to go and get drunk for the sake of getting drunk. Actually, it still seems rather silly to me. ;) So will I use this approach with my kids? Yes. It worked for me, I don't see any reason why it shouldn't work for my kids.
Under no circumstances would I suggest having a party for teens and allowing alcohol at it. That's just begging for so many kinds of trouble I can't count them. Bad idea, really really really bad idea. Private education within the family environment, ok, that's not likely to get one into trouble. But a party with other teens? Absolutely, categorically, NO.