Young kids and sex

well - I would be shocked, too - but I don't think I would neccessarily dislike the child who started it all. I would have a lot of questions, though.
If they are engaging in this kind of sexually advanced behavior at this age and bragging about it, that tells me they have sexual knowledge beyond their years........which could be because they are being abused and this could be a cry for help.
You have to wonder how this could happen on an elementary school playground and go unnoticed......and how such a young girl knows what such an act is and how to perform it, if that is indeed what happened. I would definitely raise this to the school - someone needs to get to the bottom of it.

OK, this is going to make me sound like I totally grew up in a (inappropriate term) town, but I sort of did, so it's not that bad of an assessment.

When I was 10, and in 5th grade, I remember those whisper chains (where one kid whispers something in the ear of the next kid and on and on) in our cafeteria, which had the long tables with the attached benches, of some girl giving good "head". Now this was all 5th graders, so with the exception of a few really dumb kids, they were all 10 and 11. Now, I had no idea what "head" was at this age, and I would guess that most kids didn't, but I still whispered on because hey, pointing out that you don't understand the rumor was the kiss of death to your popularity.

Fast forward 2 yrs, and I know for a fact that a former childhood friend lost her virginity at 12 to a high school boy, 14. Fast forward to my sophomore year in high school, and there was a pregnant 6th grader. And there were a lot of girls who considered it a mark against them to go into the sophomore year still a virgin.

Personally, I wasn't having sex with any of these people, and I really wanted to get out of that town, so I wasn't even looking, and our school district took some pretty drastic measures to curb the tide of teen pregnancies in the district. I really don't know if they worked at all. This was going on 20yrs ago, so from my perspective, things really haven't changed all that much.

You're doing the right things. Kids that have good communication with their parents are less likely to engage in behaviors that they're not ready for. Also, it was good to remind your kid not to spread gossip, although I did pass the whisper chain, as I got older, I learned a well timed, "Why do I need to know that?" worked just as well for preserving my (limited) popularity, and I was generally someone who was not messed with.

My son is still too young to deal with these issues (2yrs old), and I don't know exactly what I'll say at the time. But count your blessings that your kid actually told you about it. Because there are a lot of kids at that school who never mentioned to their parents at all. I never mentioned it to my parents at all.

this is not surprising, at the private school my 6th grader use to go to a 2nd grade boy was simulating oral sex with a pencil and when brought to the attention of the staff, the family just happened to be a very generous one to the school and so it was kinda brushed under the rug. My friends who's son goes to a different private school told me that a boy there was telling the boys in the playground that girls use their penis's as lollypop's.. My friend was livid and that is putting it nicely, she went the next day to the office and demanded that the boy be brought in and questioned about what he was telling the other kids.. It turned out to be true and the kids was suspended, his parents pulled him and now he is at another christian school. It can happen anywhere..

" just my Opinion"

There's no doubt that this stuff does happen in the middle school grades; however, if it allegedly happened on school grounds, you should really alert school authorities. As school officials and parents learned in the Cave Creek school district, boys were doing this to girls as a form of bullying.

Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.

Kudos for diving into the conversation, even though it came out of left field. I'm also impressed that you stressed the importance of not passing on gossip.

I think it's entirely okay to admit when you're not prepared (as in, "Really? Wow. I need to think about this for a couple of minutes.") There are just so many things wrong about this picture.

I'm of the opinion that, when kids have a basic understanding of how sex works (i.e. as a previous poster mentioned, know what "head" means), they are less impressed -- positively or negatively -- when these things come up. Most of the gossipers probably don't have the facts, so they're more curious about it.

I also like that you make the point that oral sex is still sex. Young people today don't seem to get that, and the experts are saying that this misconception leads (especially young) teenagers to psychological and emotional grief. In almost every case, it's the girl giving and the boy taking; that's certainly not a precursor to healthy, happy adult relationships.

When kids already know what sex acts are, they're more prepared to talk about sex in the context of their familys' values. I'm concerned that this (or something like this) happened on a school playground. Of course, I'm appalled at the lack of adult supervision. More than that, though, I'm bothered by that these kids did this, essentially, in public. That indicates (at least to me) that they've been exposed to some pretty unhealthy examples.

I think that what tweeners and young teenagers need to hear is that sex outside of a mature, adult, committed relationship (defined by his/her family's values) isn't bad because we say so. It's bad because it turns something wonderful -- intimacy -- into something selfish -- gratification. It's bad because you can only give your virginity to one person, and that person, at the very least, should be someone you'll treasure for the rest of your life -- not someone you'll remember with any degree of shame 10 years later. It's bad because there are health risks. It's bad because even the most level-headed adult who has sex for the sake of sex ends up doing really stupid things. It's bad because babies happen, babies are a life-long commitment, and when babies are born to immature parents, everybody starts out with the short straw.

Scary. Good for you talking about gossip. I've talked to the kids since they started daycare about how private parts are only theirs to touch. As they've gotten older, I've explained sex some, but not totally. We've talked about babies and how they happen and how really only married adults (I'm not yet ready to talk about consenting adults) should be doing that sort of thing.

Before I was a foster care provider, my mouth would have dropped and I would be appalled. Now, not so much. I have two daughters who live with me, 10 and 8. I also have a 16 year old step daughter who lives with her mom. That girl started having sex when she was in 7th grade. My sisters both started then as well. I was 23. An old maid by today's standards, LOL. However, what I learned from the fostering and my step daughter, is that so many kids just don't get any information and if they do get some, usually it is not entirely correct. In my house, I am all about opening up and talking about the situation and giving what I hope is just enough information.

Good for you for talking to your child. So many parents do not. I had to explain what a BJ was when my daughter heard it on a movie. Yay me.

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My blog: www.whyrustalkingme.com (contains some profanity)

I remember being in junior high and hearing of an eighth grader being pregnant, and that was pretty scandalous then. A straight talk with the kids is a must before they hear sex info from someone else who may not share your same values.

Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.

'My daughter, who is also a 6th grader, just came home from school last week to tell me that a girl in her class - who has flunked 6th grade 2x now and should be in 8th grade - had a handful of condoms with her, showing them off and apparently explaining what purpose they serve. I asked her if she knew what they were for and boy did she. She went to the prinicpal the next day and told her about it. They searched the little girl and found some on her. 6th grade is way to young - I\'d like to think anyway - but these days it\'s not. Ask your 6th graders what they know about drugs. That will really blow your mind. My daughter doesn\'t know in depth what they are but she knows more than I would have expected a 6th grader to know. Open line of communication is all you can have in the end and hopefully all you have taught them in your open discussions sticks with them

My daughter is also a 6th grader and she came home from camp this summer Knowing a lot more than believing sex was kissing with the Tongue. All I can say is I want my baby back.

ANDREAKAY

As Miley Cyrus would say "Say what?"
This leaves me speechless and surprised, I do hear of acts in my daugther's 5th grade class that seem innapropriate to me and i have talked to the teacher about it before.

At this point, I think she still asks me when she has a question and i hope it continues forever and ever.

discussion leader, mom of an 11 year old girl. At this time, she is trying to make it work between raising her and having a full time job!

What really scares me, more than this incident, is that I imagine there will come a time in the not so distant future when my kids won't be as open about telling me things....

DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com

my child just finished 5th grade and this isnt far frm what I am getting from her either. i have kept the lines of communication open so she can come and ask when she needs to talk to someone. i can only hope that she will do so.

discussion leader, mom of an 11 year old girl. At this time, she is trying to make it work between raising her and having a full time job!