Today while driving my 3 year old to preschool we came to a stoplight and he noticed that the car next to us had a man inside with his hand out the window. He said "look mommy he has his hand out the window" I of course said 'yes, you are right about that he does have his hand out the window" then the unexpected question came up "mommy, what does he have on his fingers". It was obvious to me - a cigarette - and there were no rings on his hand. I laughed inside for a second and thought 'hmmm...what do i say?" as I know there will be many questions to follow my response after I answer it. I was unsure if I should call it some toddler-like term "a stick" or if I should just tell him what it is - he's only 3! With a split second decision - I decided to tell him it was a cigarette. He continued to ask what a cigarette was...and I explained in a way he could understand what it was. Neither my husband or I smoke so he had a hard time understanding it as this was the first time he's seen it. Eventually he understood when I explained how a chimney gives off smoke & a cigarette gives off smoke too, just in a different manner. Being non-smokers I explained that mommy and daddy do not use cigarettes or smoke. He seemed content with that explanation. Wow - I sure did not see that question coming - so soon. I thought I'd have the cigarette questions/discussion later in life. Have any of you dealt with this question at the toddler stage?? I keep telling myself I did the right thing in explaining to him what it really was. Hmmm...
LisaMommy is a 38 year old discussion leader for arizonamoms.com from the Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area. Her two boys are ages 8 months and 3 years old.
Both of my kid’s dads are
Both of my kid’s dads are smokers so luckily I’ve never had to explain anything except why I don’t lol. That became just as hard because I use to smoke and I stopped because I had kids (and they knew I use to) because I didn’t want them to be around it. Then of course I got the whole, “well how come if you don’t like if you let daddy do it?” or the “if you think it’s bad and icky why does dad do it?” questions instead. My current husband smokes and respectably he does it outside and out of my car but my kids have long out grown the question stage, now they just say stuff like, “ugh, don’t you know that can kill you?” to him and that’s almost better!
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
None of us smoke...nor do
None of us smoke...nor do the grandparents. But some of the aunts do, so we've had the cigarette talk.
I have told the kids that cigarettes aren't good for your health, and that's why we don't smoke. But some adults choose to do it because of habit...and some bad habits become addictive, so they can't stop even though it's bad. And that's why it's a good reason not to start.
I don't smoke, although both
I don't smoke, although both of my parents do and my daughter (5) knows they do and I guess she's just kind of caught on to what it is, because if anything ever comes up about smoking or anything she's well aware of what it is and she's never asked me any questions about it. I have told her it's a bad habit and not good for you. I'm quite surprised this is the first time your son has noticed it or made mention of it since there's so much of it that goes on even if you're not a smoker, i.e. people smoking outside eating & retail establishments since the recent smoking bans. It's one of those things I guess no one will ever be isolated from, unfortunately.
When my son was about 6 he
When my son was about 6 he started asking about people that smoke. I told him flat out...you smoke - you die, no questions. His uncle smoked and it upset him so much that he ended up quitting.
He's 10 now and still knows how bad it is for you. Two summers ago my husband got a cigar in Mexico and without thinking lit it up on the beach. My son got so upset he went hysterical! Billy threw that cigar in the ocean so fast it was unreal. He had a talk with him explaining how sorry he was and that he was wrong. Toby thought his dad was going to die! He was fine after a few minutes and no long term problems arose :)
It did however get my husband to stop smoking his occasional cigar and cigarette when he drank. I tried for years to get him to stop, but seeing the affect it had on our son that he might lose his dad, that's what did it.
That's nice your husband
That's nice your husband cared enough to do that. Some people would throw their own hysterics after that.
I've seen a few people thrown fit about their right to smoke and not caring about others feelings. A friend of mine mentioned her relationship with her dad was fractured, as she tried to get her father to stop smoking. He wouldn't for the longest time even though she was allergic to the smoke. She would get in trouble for "acting out" because he thought she was being rude. When he finally quit, for health reasons, he realized how terrible the stuff smelled and apologized for being so stubborn. I see now they have a good relationship.
But that's not always the case. I've also heard other friends say friendships/relationships ended because of differences in opinions related to smoking. So sad.
Congrats, again, to your husband for quitting.