This weekend my girlfriends and I celebrated my best friends birthday, as we chatted, one woman mentioned that 2 of her co-workers were dealing with husbands who were fighting a porn addiction. Another said a friend of hers was divorcing hers for a similar reason. That reminded me of a discussion I had with another about Howard Stern and how he has "normalized" porn and crass discussion through his show and wondered if this is the price being paid? Besides the time and sometimes money wasted on this addiction it must be hell for the wife (or husband if the wife has the addiction, but I haven't heard of those as much), almost like infidelity. Or is it?
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
I think that it is like
I think that it is like infidelity, at least emotionally. All of the time that the partner spends with the porn is time away from the spouse and family. From what I have heard, those that are addicted usually spend a great deal of time involved in it. Anyway, I would personally classify it as infidelity.
When I was in that sexual
When I was in that sexual predator therapy group, many had sexual addictions.All of them where men and I course was there to share the outcome of a victim.I think plenty of women have sexual additions. During the sessions we would talk about porn to rent, porn on the computer and of course shows that triggered their addiction such as Howard Stern.Many of the men lost wives and girlfriends due to their addiction.Some of the men found it hard to understand because it wasn't a actual warm body they were having sex with.The therapist totally disagreed.You have to be secretive and go out of your way to get your fix.Just like any other addiction.So it is cheating.Another debate was it is so easy these days with the computer.Some said they got rid of their computers....the argument was even then, you would still leave your home to get your fix.You can take everything away and if you don't deal with the behavior part, they will still go as far as they need to get a fix.I think sexual addiction is like any other addiction.You and your husband or wife loses the emotional connection.You and your love one questions trust...and a host of other things. Although I think if you work real hard togehter as a couple you can get past the hurt a regain the trust.However I know that isn't always the case.So sad!
Who would have ever thought
Who would have ever thought that watching porn could end up being addictive??? Here are thoughts on this from my own experience. I had an ex fiancé who watched porn and it never bothered me until he started turning me down for sex and then I would get the cable bill and realize that while I was sleeping in our room, he was ordering porn downstairs. I think that crosses over to the infidelity line. When you start neglecting your girlfriend or wife and start watching a movie to get pleasure that basically cheating because you are now going out of your relationship to fulfill your needs.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
phoenixgrlkim- Sorry that
phoenixgrlkim-
Sorry that happened to you.What a lonely feeling you must of had.As a couple I can see watching a porn movie or whatever you need to do to spice up your sex life.You are doing it together, no secrets, building intimacy.However, when one takes it to extremes and no longer invites you in there life, that is going to to end with shame, guilt and very hurt feelings.
I think it is like
I think it is like infidelity too, I also think more people should think about Howard Stern and his messages. I do believe in freedom of speech, but I continue to be amazed at how many people choose to be "entertained" by him and his talk which objectifies women and marks men at their most basic of instincts. I have listened to him a few times and one day they were giving out an award for the "best" story. A guy who had sex with his grandmother won... He was a victim and they made it all a joke. On one hand joking may have been therapeudic (sp?) for the guy on the other it almost made it seem acceptable.
I was stunned that in our group we knew 3 relationships where porn was causing riffs, that means it is probably more prevelent and we either don't know about it, or aren't talking about it...
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
I don't think that people
I don't think that people should focus on howard stern or his show as the root cause for porn obsession.....as a whole the society has become very sexualized....every other commercial on tv is about Viagra or Cialis, drugs so old men can continue having sex....as for objectification,I think women are objectifying themselves. Look at how popular plastic surgery, especially breast augementation is these days....and that is because women want bigger boobs to get more attention from men, but once they catch someone looking at their enormous cans, they complain.
I think the porn craze really exploded with the advent of the Internet......now that it is so easily and anonymously available the men are enthralled with it. The dangerous part about it is it drives a wedge between a couple because average women can't live up to the voracious appetites and perfect looks of the women who ACT in porn movies. Most men are stupid enough to think they really enjoy the sex, and they expect that average women should be sitting around begging for it all day long......well, duh, the women in porn are actresses...they enjoy getting the money, but they probably despise men in their off hours.
mwheeler that's ok...I'm
mwheeler that's ok...I'm over it. In fact about that time I realized that my "fiance" wasn't all that I thought he was anyways (couldn't hold a job, drank too much, ect). I was already contemplating leaving by that time and then things like this just helped that decision move forward. I agree about your second comment, my husband and I have a spice it up drawer and we are very intimate in many aspects. Trust and togetherness are what makes "porn" ok, nothing else in my eyes.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
I have known of couples
I have known of couples where this was a big issue, and yes, it is a betrayal of the relationship. It's very hurtful to the partner who is being "cheated on" and it does make a woman feel like she just can't measure up. And of course, she can't, pornography is all fantasy and real life will never be the same. Although, call me old-fashioned, I don't want it in my home or around my husband, even for our own "personal" uses.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.