I've been working long and odd hours in the last week or so, covering Super Bowl-related events. People wonder about the whereabouts of my 8-year-old son, often asking: “Is his dad babysitting?”
How come no one calls it “babysitting” when a child is with his or her mother?
If a woman takes care of the house and kids while her husband is away from home, she's just doing what is expected of her. But if the roles are reversed, the man is deemed practically a saint, like he should be getting paid or a commendation for his service.
I've even heard men say, “Oh, I'm baby sitting tonight while my wife's at her book group.” (Dads, you are NOT babysitting. You cannot baby sit your own children. You are only babysitting if the neighbor kids are there, too.)
And why does it seem to come as some amazing feat that a man can get the kids to bed at night or ready for school in the morning? Is the expectation for fathers really that low? The men I know have proven themselves perfectly capable of all that - and more.
When a man is caring for his own children, he's not babysitting. He's being a dad.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
I dont think i have ever
I dont think i have ever heard my husband say " I will be babysitting the kids tonight".
I have to say I am very luck he is a hands on kind of dad. He get's up at night to change diapers and to feed the baby with no probleams at all. He works evenings and gets home on a good day at 2am or a bad day 4am. Before he goes to bed he checks on the baby (4mths old) if he need a diaper change or a bottle he does then goes to bed. His days off are sometimes during the week and on those days the little one doesn't go to daycare but stays with daddy. On those days he packs the diaper bag and heads out for a walk, bookstore, or out to luch with his son. When the older girls 14 and 11 get home he is there doing homework with them or driving them to girlscouts. That is a father not a daddysitter.
In short all those daddysitters out there need to get over it and become real DADDY'S.
I agree. My husband is very
I agree. My husband is very involved with our son and Jack just adores him. One time I was singing his praises to my MIL and she said, "well did you thank him? That is so nice of him." Ha! I said ," Thank him for being a father to his child? He's doing his job!" I have come to realize that not all father's are this way and for generations, fathers have left the child rearing to mothers. Sad, they are missing out!
My husband has never babysat
My husband has never babysat anyone. He "watches" some of our friends children. I agree with you, Karina, men should not use the phrase babysit when it is their own children. Drives me crazy!
KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.
I couldnt have said it
I couldnt have said it better
My husband was the
My husband was the stay-at-home parent until our daughter was 3, then we switched roles. I was the one who didn't know how to calm my baby or get her to sleep (I wasn't ever alone with her until she was 6 months old). My husband did say that he often got odd looks or "babysitting" comments when he'd run errands. It certainly was annoying to him and me!
It really worked out well for us and it's interesting, now that I have #2, to see how I've learned how to calm this baby (etc.) and he's still learning. I used to wonder why he wasn't able to get things done around the house since he was home all day and he wondered why taking care of the baby was so challenging for me after I was at work all day. For me, it was hard enough to watch my daughter that I couldn't do that *and* complete any task. Now I can mulitask and care for 2 kids at the same time while he's the one who can only do one thing. We both have a great understanding of what each other is experiencing in our reversed roles as we've had the opportunity to experience it both ways. I wish more dads were able to do this.
Allison
Mom to Talia (10/03) and Trip (3/07)
I'm a single mom, too; and
I'm a single mom, too; and the better question is, what options are out there other than relying on friends, paying big bucks for a sitter for the odd hours when you have to work late or long or during a weekend? Wish I could have even a "daddysitter" every now & then.
I don't know the answer to
I don't know the answer to that one. I think relying on friends and family and paying the big bucks when we have to is our only options really. Going into the weeks before the Super Bowl, I knew my hours would be odd, so I worked up a clear calendar of when I would need help and I asked friends and family to pitch in when it best suited them. It's hard to ask for help, I know, but their response was overwhelming, and no one person - like my mother - had to do it all.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
There is a place near the PV
There is a place near the PV mall called Kidspark that offers drop-in daycare. We went to their open house to check it out but we haven't used it yet. My 7 year old is resistant to staying at places where she doesn't know anyone so I tend to pay the sitter or rely on the kindness of friends. I'm fortunate that the parents of her friends help out with "playdates" on those holidays and school breaks when I need to work.