The F Bomb

My child already knew about sex by the time he was exposed to the f-word for the first time - at school, where apparently all kinds of education takes place. Anyway, I also explained that it was used as a swear word but that it also had a sexual connotation, which made him put his fingers in his ears and not want to hear anymore. As far as I know, he's never used it.

My 8 year old just asked me yesterday in the car why the middle finger was bad. I explained to her what it meant. She just looked at me and went "huh?" I told her that was something that people did when they were angry or frustrated, usually adults. I explained she was not allowed to do this as a child and it would be good if she did not do this as an adult. Her parents do not so I hope she sees that as a good example.

KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.

My son 9, hasn't really asked what the word means.However he does knows curse words aren't the way to go.
I have told him those words are filler words for adults to use when they just can't seem to use another verb or noun.
I have told him there are a few curse words you really don't want to use, the F word, the B word and the C word.
I told him you usually will not get a good response.
We have a jar at my house that one dollar goes into if someone should curse.He is very good to point out if he hears you curse.

My husband and I do slip and curse from time to time...but when my son hears it, I just tell him that isn't a word for kids, and leave it at that. I have never heard him use any kind of foul language, and I have never heard of him doing it at school or anywhere else.........he does say "what the heck" now and then, but I really don't consider that cursing.....nor do I consider hell or a-s-s cursing(when used in appropriate context)...........so apparently he's got a decent grasp on what's appropriate conversation for eight year olds and what isn't.......he goes to a Christian school so I think he's mindful of the conservative environment.........I hope.........I suppose he could be cussing up a storm when I'm not around and I am not aware of it because he hasn't been caught and reported yet.........but you'd think I would have heard about it by now or caught him if he were.

I'm all for giving children an age-appropriate idea of what sex is, preferably while they're young enough to find the idea horrifying, as well as teaching them the names of *all* the body parts.

That way, if a child asks what the F-word means, we can say, "It's an ugly word for sex. People also use it when they get mad. I'm glad you know better words than that."

That being said, I have a story ...

I used to have a wonderful child in my life. His Mom was a friend, and raising him alone, so he spent time at our house with his auntie-friends. Angelic blond curly hair and blue eyes.

One afternoon, my SO was out grocery shopping, and didn't know that I'd picked him up from daycare. We were outside; I was doing yard work, and he was bouncing a big ball.

My SO comes home -- still unaware that he was there. Putting away the groceries in the pantry, she started to stand up and hit the back of her head on a shelf. Clear as day, she exclaimed, "F-word, F-word, F-word!"

So my little buddy, bouncing his ball, echoed -- one F-word for each bounce. You've got the picture, right?

I have never worked so hard to keep a straight face. I calmly walked into the house and then just about died laughing. We went for the ignore-it-and-it-will go away route, which his Mom agreed was the way to handle it.

Next day at daycare, however, he found a bouncy ball, and, you guessed it. Did I mention that his grandmother (a German Catholic immigrant) ran the daycare?

Forget him. I was afraid Mrs. B. was going to wash my mouth out with soap.

Amazing how much more honest and straight forward everyone seems to be these days. I remember my parents pulling the old "We're not discussing that'' routine more than once - not a great way to raise a kid.

Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.

We have had this conversation (he was 4 the first time--he's now 11), and the bottom line of it was not just the sex issue, but helping raise our own son's awareness of the power of word in context of use. That means that, while the word has a literal meaning, swearing, or using it, has other implications on how people perceive other people in relation to them.

Interestingly, as he's grown a bit older and more sophisticated, these conversations have also addressed that word's use in popular music, playground, and verbal abuse/bullying situations with peers.

So for me, the F-- word education can't just be about sex. It's also about social structure, politeness patterns, and awareness of others' sensibilities, sensitivities, and sense of identity.

These conversations, while complex, seem to have stuck with him, and they don't simply make taboo words that do appear in the dictionary. Encourage your child's curiosity, but reinforce that using that language has specific contextual consequences. And that so much of the time, whether or not it's being used as an adjective or verb, there are a world of better choices available. Ones with better social connotations as well as less shock value.