Left at the front door...

I know a woman who moved out on her husband and three little kids and another woman who moved across country with her new husband and left a young teenage son behind. We'll never understand it because we could never do it.

Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.

I 100% agree with you. I would NEVER be able to walk away...no matter how stressed I was or miserable the situation...my heart would break being away from my child.

I can't believe that you're husband was left with the kids for a year, and never mentioned that to you! Do you think at that time he never tried to file for divorce and take the kids from her because not only did he hope it would work out, but maybe more importantly he was scared to be "in it alone."?? I would think that might have a lot to do with it...that's a huge responsibility for any parent, and the sad part is that sometimes a spouse takes the other back b/c they're scared and not because it's the right thing to do.

I still don't understand why he wouldn't tell you this. I know he probably didn't have much choice at the time, but it's still a very admirable thing that he stepped up and took care of. Do you think you got the whole story??

I know a man in his 60's that does not believe in divorce and his wife has been coming and going for the last 25 years. She leaves because she doesn't want to be married (they've never divorced), she will show up anywhere from 2-5 years and he takes her back every time. The kids always stayed with their father and no one ever knew where mom went or what she was up to. She didn't leave for a job, she would just leave.

I know him through his kids and let me tell you, the kids have now done this and do this to their spouses. One of the spouses of the son, finally filed for divorce after only 5 years of marriage.

just~me

Most of the time, there is an undiagnosed mental disorder going on - depression, bi-polar, etc. I would never leave my children, but I have never suffered from depression. Last year, when I had my miscarriage, and my mother-in-law died over the course of the same few weeks, I was sad, overwhelmed, withdrawn, contemplative, in denial, weepy, tired...you name it - but, I wasn't depressed. I mean, in any clinical sense. I mourned and got back to the business of living. But, I'm fortunate to have good brain chemistry. I've heard depression described in this way - when suffering from clinical depression, it's as if there is a magic wand sitting on the table, that would cure all of your problems, but you still can't manage to walk over and pick it up. Of course, even people who feel that they've suffered from depression, still know what another's depression is like. And, of course, bi-polar is a whole other can of worms and nearly impossible for others to "see". It can manifest as selfish nacissism, self destructive behavior, aggressive behavior, etc. It's safe to say, that if a person behaves in a way that is so unimaginable and counter to the behavior of most others, it's likely that the person is suffering from a mental disorder.

"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein

I really want to believe that most of these Moms left their children not because they wanted to, but because they somehow felt it was in their children's best interests.

there is more to being a mother than simply giving birth to a child......some women are not well suited to the demands of raising children........there is a disconnect there with them, and it probably does boil down to some sort of mental issue that keeps them from being able to provide adequate care.
In this case, I am wondering if she was suffering from some sort of post-partum depression?
I have been through what I felt to be several depressive episodes since my son was born......but I never completely ceased to function, I always knew that my son was depending on me so I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, going to work, paying bills, caring for the home, being there for my son so maybe I have never really been what you'd call clinically depressed. I never considered leaving without my son, I just could not see a purpose in living without having him in my life every day.
There is something in me that never allows me to completely hit rock bottom, I think it's survival instinct and fear of letting others down that keeps me going. Some people can't recover because their brains won't lt them, though. I have known many people who just let go and check out.
Kim, this raises my opinion of your husband significantly.....it sounds like he was there when his kids needed him and he did everything he could to try and make his first marriage work. I give him kudos for that, because there are a lot of men out there who would have pawned the kids off on another relative, and he stuck it out.

My 6-year old daughter's mother did that. She up and left when she was 10 months old after being pregnant by her sidekick. She didn't come back into the picture until she heard I was back in the picture (I'm my hubby's high school sweetheart that she was always threatened by since we stayed in touch). Then she took him to court for custody, but by then, 4 years had past and the judge let him keep her, thank goodness!

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!

My BIL, his daughter was born in St Louis his wife moved there while she was pregnant. He moved there briefly for a few months after she was born. They lived with his MIL, his wife her son and his new baby. She kicks him out and his baby... This girl was bipolar or something.. She moved back briefly got into drugs and prostituting at some massage palor... He basically took her in but out of sympathy, he took on full care of his daughter, he wouldn't even let mom stay in the home while he went to work. I watched his daughter for him, and I was on strict watch if she shows up wanting her baby I was to call him and the police, sober or not.. Needless to say she is out of their lives, they are divorced and baby girl is now 6 and full of spunk. We have her in our home every other weekend, while he works.

Single ladies, he hasn't had a girlfriend in years and is nice looking, but very dedicated to being a daddy/mommy. just thought I would drop a hint... :)

Maricky M Abril
marickyabril@hotmail.com

I could never leave my husband and kids, but I don't think my husband could ever either.

I think it has to do with how invested you are in the live that you've chosen to live. Even though there are nights where I think, "I don't want to do this anymore", it refers specifically to dolling out the discipline (because let's face it, raising civilized human beings is not for whimps), but not to never seeing them again. I would cease to function if I could never see them again.

I think if you're not as invested in this life as that, if you resent the freedoms you've given up (of which there are many), then yeah, you could walk away. I do think it would make you not as good a person. And I would hope that there would be someone there who could provide some of hte support that you could not.

Now as for your husband, I imagine he was a bit shell shocked, wouldn't we all be? That's probably why he didn't file for divorce. My brother divorced with no kids, and for about the first 2 years of their separation, I know he hoped that she would come back, and if she had, he would have taken her back. So I could totally see that if kids were involved.

I also know of a family where the mother moved away and very much abandoned the children. I wonder if it was some sort of clinical depression as well. It's so sad.