ok, so i've been meaning to ask other moms who like me are driven by guilt, this is what i mean, when i start my day i say to myself : today i will spend some quality time with my kids, and it's not like i neglect them but i always feel like im not doing as much activities with them like i should, between work, cleaning at home, laundry, cooking i never have enough time to do what i would like to do, in between mopping the floor i sit with them and sing 1 or 2 of their favorite songs, or tell them it's time for a big big hug and they love that, they are 4 and 2 1/2, or pick a book and read for 10mins. then i get in the shower and get ready to go to work, on the weekends i take them to the park, last weekend i took them to see the new dr. seuss movie we all liked it, and weekdays we take trips to the library, make a craft at home or help my son practice writing and spelling his name, or help them pick clothes to wear for when they want to play dress up, but sometimes i feel like i push myself too much, that i can only do so much in one day and that the next day i will have more opportunities to do stuff with them. but my issue is that if i don't accomplish what i've set out myself to do a particular day i feel guilty i feel bad for my kids, very disappointed in myself. do you think im being too hard on myself or i am really not doing enough stuff with them????
xoxo
Working moms all feel that
Working moms all feel that way from time to time. Lately I feel like the worst mom in the world. My job is killing me in the time area and, lucky me, I don't get paid overtime anymore. I think if I got paid extra, I could at least pay for someone to help do yardwork or clean my house from time to time so that I do have real time with the kids.
You just do the best you can...and it sounds like you really are doing your best to give them time with you. Try not beating yourself up. I know it's hard to do. I still beat myself up. But maybe knowing you're not alone is at least some comfort.
I think whether you stay at
I think whether you stay at home or work you never feel like you are doing enough! We have high expectations for ourselves because we want our children to have the best. You show your love in many ways and mabye if we didn't call it guilt but simply the drive to stay in touch with our children.
I have found it helpful to set aside a certain amount of time each day to do something special with each child. Your child can look forward to one on one time with you in a consistent manner. You will see how much they will cherish those moments!! You sound like a very caring and nurturing parent, keep doing a great job!!!!!!!!!
Don't Hate!
Remember that most of all
Remember that most of all your kids want your time and attention..but probably have little preference to how you spend that time with them.
So, one easy thing to ask yourself each day is simply, when I am listening to them....am I REALLY listening to them? Do they feel like I am "actively listening" to them?
It sounds like you are a very consciencious parent, and probably already doing this
....but what I mean is without devoting any additional time, just listen to them with your whole body...not just your ears.
Bend down and look them in the eye when they speak to you. Little stuff like that will go a long way towards fulfilling their desire to feel like you are "checked in" with them!!
:)
Happy2BMommy, is a stay-at-home mom who just turned 40 (argh!) with a 6 yr. old daughter and a 4 yr. old son, and is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Scottsdale.
Oh, the guilt... :) I agree
Oh, the guilt... :)
I agree with happytobemommy said.I have said this a lot in my post. It is the quality not the quanity.I apply that to my life as much as possiable and for the most part it really helps with the guilt.
During the work week it is hard....but after we get home and get everyhting done...dinner, homework and some chores we usually have a little over a hour of down time.So even if we are just watching TV we sit close together and laugh together.We will play a quick game of UNO or throw the nerf football for a bit.And I always put him to bed, reading him a book and having some chat after I read.In the car on the way to school and work or after school and work on the way home I don't talk on the cell phone....we listen to his music and we goof off to the music or we talk...I look forward to the ride in the car...it is our time.So if it is only a few minutes here and there make the most of it......let your mind be clear and really be there.....they know when they have your attention..
I vaguely remember reading a
I vaguely remember reading a study once that found that we are spending more quality time with our kids now than we were in the 1950's. I wish I could remember more about the study, but the general finding was that the time we are spending with our kids today is one-on-one, focused time. And yet, it is still never enough in the mind of a guilt-ridden mom! We will ALWAYS find something to worry about! Are your kids happy, well-adjusted kids? Then you are doing a great job doing just what you are doing. Kids need a balance between time with mom and dad, and time to learn to play by themselves and with others. I know I can tell when the balance gets out of whack at my house - if one of my kids acts up or behaves out of the norm, my DH or I make a point to spend some extra one-on-one time with him. That always reminds my kids that they are number one in our lives.
thank you for reassuring my
thank you for reassuring my thoughts but it's just once in a while that i feel like this, i see other moms feels the same like me and thanks for sharing your tips to share time with your kids in this hectic mom life!!
xoxo
Hi, I'm a stay at home Mom
Hi,
I'm a stay at home Mom and I still feel that way! By the time you finish breakfast, drop off at school, change diapers all day, potty train, prepare and clean up lunch, pick up at school, prepare afternoon snack, clean up the messes they have made all day in every room of the house, start dinner....and then do everything you do when you get home from work. When you stay at home, you are doing all the cooking, cleaning, organizing etc that the daycare is providing. I always feel like i'm telling my kids that i have work to do and will be with them in a minute....guess what the work NEVER ends. I also think people, spouses etc expect more from a stay at home....because we are home all day. Don't think i'm complaining....i love that i can stay home for a few years and would miss my kids if i had to work, BUT don't ever feel guilty about not spending time with them because you have/want to work outside the home. Just the fact that you are feeling guilty says that you are a great Mom. Think when you were a kid...there are special moments you remember and they weren't always huge time consuming adventures.
"Talk Time" - guilt is part
"Talk Time" - guilt is part of being a mom no matter what! I started a tradition with my boys when they were young where I would spend 10 to 15 minutes with each of them individually before bedtime. It was their chance to talk about whatever they wanted. Mostly I heard about their day, their worries, etc. I tried to make it about them and no lecturing. They love this so much that we are still doing it and my boys are 17 and 14 now..... Good luck and enjoy!
Mom of teenage boys!
I always question whether I
I always question whether I did enough with my children during the day, and vow to "do better'' the next day. but lately, when i have those thoughts, I make myself think about everything I did for the kids AND my family - earning a living, taking care of the house, preparing decent meals, bathing the kids and trimming their nails, making sure everyone has clean sheets, getting homework done and on and on. the playtime is important but so is the security of all those other things and moms can't forget that.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.
This is such an interesting
This is such an interesting subject to me, because as the study mentioned earlier indicates, I think as moms we are spending more time with our children now (even though many of us work outside the home) and yet STILL, we feel guilty! When I was growing up, I don't remember many of my friends' moms "playing" with their kids--moms spent time cleaning, ironing, cooking, running errands, etc. Kids were supposed to entertain themselves or each other.