I am a mother of a wonderful 19 month old. But she is now throwing these fits, I mean they are horrible, and all I want to do is give her what she wants so she stops screaming and crying. She crys so hard she has to gasp for air, and my heart breaks!!!
I live with my mother and my older sister and they stay out of the way most of the time, so that is not the problem and they know I dont want her hit in any way, only time outs. But we all have a problem of yelling at her when she starts screaming....I get so upset and stressed when this happens because I know that she can feed of that negative energy but I am trying so hard to control it in front of her and around her.
She is my first child and I never really ever in charge of taking care of another human being until I gave birth to her. So this is all new to me...I have anxiety issues and I take medication for Depression and not being able to sleep. I work full time and she goes to her dads every other weekend. I have a start of a socail life, and I am stable at work and at home. I am just feeling all alone in this phase of her life. I feel so helpless, so do any of you have any good tips for me?
And I am also looking for workout tips. Tips that I can do at home with out equipment that are fast and effective. If any of you can help, that would be a great help.
Thank You for listening
Tabby
I have two daughters - 3
I have two daughters - 3 years old and 18 mos old. Interestingly, the 18 mos old is doing exactly what the 3 year old did when she was at that age....she throws a fit when I put her in the car seat...I have to be physically strong to buckle her in and once the truck starts, she's fine....ugh!
This is normal for your child to be hysterial and so on. Best is to keep her routines consistent - bedtime 6:30 - 7 pm every night (they need at least 10-12 hours sleep), feed her at same time, etc. Keep your cool and do not give in to her temper tantrums. Even if she gasps for air, leave her alone...Ignore her. If she wants to drop on the floor and scream, let her...She will be fine. This usually lasts about 10 - 20 mins. After that, she may want to nap a bit...
Another thing - it could be something else - pain from teething? Headaches? Listen for cues. Give her Tynenol (if headache) or Motrin if teething....
H~
Mom of 2 Daughters - Kelly (3 yrs) and Skylar (19 mos old)
zoostationu2@hotmail.com
Take it down and she'll
Take it down and she'll follow
19 months is a very 'demanding' age, and taking care of her must be very strenuous, especially since you work full time. My heart is with you.
I found with my own kids (now teen-agers,) that when they got LOUDER, my best reaction was to speak more quietly. If I started raising my voice, they would 'take it up a notch' to be heard over me, and soon it was ear splitting! So I would strive to speak quietly, calmly and without showing any anger (but believe me, I was mad!) They would then have to stop shouting to hear what I was saying and sometimes that was enough to break the cycle.
Also, I would deliberately talk about something that had nothing to do with 'the fit.' So if they were screaming about wanting candy, I would ask (softly) 'what is the name of the red Muppet on Sesame Street? I don't remember...' I tried to pose questions for which they would know the answer. Again, this often served to divert their attention from the fit. I would be careful to maintain eye contact while I spoke, since often the whole point of the tantrum is to get attention. It didn't always work, but more often than not it would change the tone and topic enough to "defuse" the fit.
When that didn't work, I would calmly tell my kids, "not only are you NOT getting what you're asking for, but if you continue with this nonsense, I'm going to take away (something they already have and would really miss, like a toy or treat, etc.)" Then you have to FOLLOW THROUGH so they know you're serious. Most parents make the mistake of making idle threats but then giving in to the tantrum, which teaches the child that being out of control is the way to get what you want.
It's not easy, I know, but keep reminding yourself that you're in charge and that what you do, you do for love. She might not appreciate it in the midst of the fit, but in the long run she'll know you have her best interests at heart.
The advice i've been given
The advice i've been given is don't give into them just to get them to stop the tantrum. This only shows them that they will get what they want when they throw the tantrum.
I have not had to use this tactic yet, but i am sure i will soon with my 18 month old.
I also like the advice from MiriamVS - try not to raise your voice when they are in the midst of the tantrum. It's hard, but i think kids mimic what they are seeing and if we are yelling at them, they will yell back at us. Almost like we are teaching them this is how to handle it. I know it's hard not to get frustrated - but hang in there. ;0)
just~me
Hang in there. I am by no
Hang in there. I am by no means an expert on this subject so I will just share that this happened with my little girl (she's 11 now so we survived). Basically when the fit happened at home I made sure the area was safe (nothing that could be knocked off shelves, etc) and then left the room calmly. I would try to do an activity (cleaning, reading - same sentence over and over and over), if she came into the room I was in I would secure the area and go to another room and acted as if her actions were not the reason I left the room. After a while (long time in the beginning, shorter times later), she would come to me tear streaked and snotty - I would hug her, tell her I loved her and that she can't act that way. Done, no more attention to the fit. She had some public fits where I would give in to spare those innocent souls around us, however, I got to a point where I stopped taking her to stores and explained that she had to stay with daddy while I went to the store and she could not go because of her "fits". It didn't take long (even at this young age) for her to realize the fits no longer served their purpose.
Again, I am no expert, but this worked for us (not to say we didn't have our moments). Just take it a day at a time and don't forget to breathe.....
I have a 7 and a 12 year old
I have a 7 and a 12 year old and I did this also. It works and it lets them know who's in charge because you don't give in to them.
Most importantly, DON'T YELL. I know it's hard and stressful but when you get upset and yell it will make it more tense and stressful and you will scare your child.
Also when it's done, offer your child to come to you and tell them in a nice calm way why they got in trouble and say, "you can not act that way." You might think they are too young for that, but they aren't, trust me.
The tantrums stop around 2-3 and 1/2 just depending on how consistent you are. Hang in there!!!
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
My 18 moth old is doing the
My 18 moth old is doing the exact same thing. What has been working for us, is right away I'll ask if he's ready to be nice. If he doesn't stop, I put him in his crib or port a crib for a quick 30 seconds.I calm down, then go ask again and offer my hands to him to get out. He usually calms down. It works with him.
With my oldest though, that didn't work. Only distraction did. I'd usually take him outside for a quick walk and tell him that "we don't scream at mommy." It took awhile, but things seemed to get better.
As for workout tips, talking walks is my favorite, but good old push ups and sit ups can help too. I have a Pilates video I'm really liking. It's by Ana Caban.
Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.
I know it's not funny but
I know it's not funny but yout story reminds me of the time my little niece did the same thing-and my sister ended up calling the paramedics!! I know it's hard but the best thing to do is ignore your children when they do this kind of thing, even if they fall to the ground! And if they do "faint"-go check on them, make sure they're breathing. Chances of them not breathing is very slim. I KNOW it's hard to ignore but after doing so a few times, chances are she'll stop doing it.
Paz
Tantrums could hunt you down
Tantrums could hunt you down if you gave in. I have a 3 year old and sometimes he throws a "fit". The best thing I've learned is "IGNORE" him. Usually kids will calm down after few minutes. Believe me--this works!
My son is always good on begging sorry after a fit--then I acknowledge him and talk to him wholeheartedly- explain that I was not happy with his attitude. I let him know that I don't want to be mad at him. He usually understands.
Have a beautiful day!
-------------------------------------------------------
http://my2.tupperware.com/tomkinrc
http://bizemoms.com
I have a 21 month old and
I have a 21 month old and from about 18 mnths of age he screams and cries when he does not get what he wants. My husband and I sometimes feel like we are doing something wrong, but after reading all these posts it sounds like a lot of kids do this. It is so hard not to give in because the screams just stress you out. We both work and have two other kids and it is hard to sit down and talk to each other with him screaming. I never know if it is best to ignore him or out him in a time out. I guess as long as we dont give in this should go away.
Thanks for all the good
Thanks for all the good answers, I guess if I ignore her and I tell her how I feel. I just need support from mommies like you guys....thanks for all the info...keep it coming :)
Tabby
Depending on the type of
Depending on the type of fits she throws, trying throwing her totally off, do something silly and crazy, it worked for my kids at that age (it doesn't work when they are older) but sometimes the shock of seeing mom act like a fool makes them forget that they are upset at that age!
Of course, that doesn't get to the root of the problem, but sometimes in an emergency, it works to save your sanity of hearing or dealing with a fit!
This is a tough one - my
This is a tough one - my youngest son went through something similar around that age. The key is to not give into her demands - that will not teach her to change her behavior. Stick with the timeouts and try to redirect her as much as possible. And make sure to reinforce good behavior over and over.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.
All really good advice, I
All really good advice, I just feel a need to add that at 19 mos. old she is still a 'baby'. She can't be expected to know how to control herself, she has to be lovingly taught. This is why parenting is hard sometimes, yet so important to take seriously. A parent has so much influence in shaping a human being's life and development. So, yes, take care of yourself and then you can pass that nurturing on to her. I also noticed you said she spends every other weekend w/ her father. VERY important that her routines be similar at both houses. She is probably a little stressed out by going back and forth. She's 19 mos.old. I would very possibly talk with a professional counselor about how to best nuture her, given the living situation she has.
Ms. M
This is always a difficult
This is always a difficult situation, but this is the perfect time to address it. First if you are not in a mom's group right now, it would be a great time to seek one out. I know it is hard to make time for this especially with work, but it seems as if talking to other moms in the same situation would be quite welcome at this time.
My children went through the tantrum phase at about the same age, but dealing with it quickly and consistently always worked for me. First of all, mine often would go limp and throw themselves back while screaming. I would find a same place and just lay them down when they did this, preferably in a carpeted area. Keeping your voice calm is the key, if you need to remove yourself from the room to get your composure make sure you place her in a play pen or safe area. If you are consistent and calm the behaviors will go away quickly. Just make sure she knows that behavior is not acceptable and do not give her undue attention when she throws a tantrum.
Hang in there, it will get better!
JuneSlager is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com, raising three children (ages 15, 14, & 11) in Northeast Phoenix.