Objective Opinions Wanted

As much as I may consult either my mother or her, I get two staggeringly different opinions. In all fairness to my mother, she is and has told me not to follow through with things or not to do something and it's always turned out to be good advise. Of course, most of that deals with dealing with my ex-wife, so, to her, the only stuff she'll know about is where my mother agrees with me (not as often as one would think) and the often-times where I don't do or don't say, when I don't follow my own instinct and gut reactions, the ex will never know. Anyway, I digress.

Right now, I'm dealing with at least 2 to 3 individuals who are against me: my ex, her fiance, and her first husband. Please note that although I have the support of my mother in this, she's 1600 miles away and provies only moral support.

The kids ages are 4, 6, and 7. The oldest is biologically not mine (he's the son of the first husband), but I'm daddy. More often than not, the kids have accidents when they're with me. Of all the times that they've gotten cuts and scrapes, I take full responsibility for one incident with my daughter in what I allowed, but retrospectively shouldn't have.

William, the oldest, fell down at a school skating even and twisted his thumb. Note: I took them and take them skating regularly.
Alex, the middle child, has fallen off his bike a few times.
Both William and Alex fall down when racing each other; this has also happened a few times.
Victoria, got her foot all cut up on a bike, that I mentioned above.

Most recently, we were all walking along the side walk. Victoria was roughly 10 feet in front of me and began climbing a set of rocks that couldn't have been more than 3 feet higher than the sidewalk and had about a 45 degree incline. Immediatly, I said "Victoria, no!" but she didn't immediatly listen, lost her balance and rolled down. She didn't hit her read, she wasn't even bleeding where she got a light set of scratches along her left side. She cried very little, she was able to walk and I admonished her very lightly that this was why she needed to listen to me right away when I tell her no. All the same, we stopped at the grocery store and cleaned it and proceeded onto have a great day at the zoo. Later, scabs did form even though there was no bleeding, even when I cleaned it.

Fast forward 4-5 days when their mother comes back into town. She can't talk to me for being so livid about her daughter getting hurt again while in my care. Now, I don't spare myself and I'm trying to be up front with both sides to allow a truly objective view. This is primarily her POV so far. Here is my point.

I will not allow my kids anything dangerous. Alex wanting to jump from the top bunk is a very emphatic (understatment there) "no," the glaring daddy eye and the subsequent appropiate admonished response from him, as well as acknowledgement that he does not do things like that. I do allow them activities. I take them skating weekly. I taught them how to skate and instilled in them the tenacity to get back up after falling down. The same thing applies to riding a bike. They wear helmets, knee and elbow guards. I take them hiking and make sure they wear appropiate clothing and bring all necessities (that is kiddie hiking on the very simple trails). We walk and ride bikes to the park and most places we go together. I always bring an abundance of water. It is my goal to get them, individually, to learn how to swim properly. I take them to the zoo and the science museum. We ride the bus to the mall, go see movies every few weeks, walk around sometimes and play in the play area often. I am currently reading to them The Wizard of Oz. We'll bring home movies from the store from time to time. I have them enrolled (the boys) in a summer reading program at the Cholla branch library. There are a few other things that I attempt or will be attempting to do with them. I have them from 2pm - 9pm every day, except Saturday, and all day on Monday and Tuesday. Sunday's they get dropped off to me after work. They are fed, by me, every night except Saturday's. Homework, all me. Studying, the same (when school's in). The action plan keeping the oldest on track and passing with flying colors in school without ADHD medicine, that's me too.

Now, the oldest's real father has been known to sleep while the kids are in his care (fiance, first husband, the ex all live in the same house). They play video games. The children are usually awake hours before the adults are and are left with computers, Nintendo DS, tv, xbox 360, Wii, and a dog named Peanut to play with. Sometimes, video games are taken away which leaves TV and the dog. I will be honest, I do not know all that goes on there so there may be more they do with the kids. I do not hear of it from the kids and tend not to ask as it could be construed as "daddy digging for information." The kids are up front with me when things go down that are questionable and I talk and interact with them often. They know I care about what goes on with them. I let them know they can tell me anything.

So, the question is a fairly simple one. I'm not looking for opinions about her or them at their house. I want to know about me. Is my thinking and reasoning on this wrong? I see that kids will have accidents. To leave them in a bubble is a disservice to them. I let them suffer the conseqences of their decisions and actions. Good actions have good consequences and bad ones have bad consequences. Kids are naturally curious and whereas sometimes it's necessary to ensure they do not walk down a very bad path, one must take every day and opportunity to equip them with the proper judgement so that when the begin to assert their indepenence, they know enough of right from wrong to make the correct decisions that will not adversely affect their life. A key to this is consistency and to treat them one way for one set of scenarios and another way for another will only confuse them. So when I say "don't do that, you'll get hurt" and they end up getting hurt by not listening, they'll see that the very important things in life and challenges they will face as young adults come with the same truthfulness of my advise from the smaller things.

When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll do something to change it.
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