Please help me

Hi....I can really empathize with you - I have struggled with depression and anxiety all my life....I have PTSD.....and mental illness runs in my family, so I have a lot of ups and downs.
For the most part I hold a lot inside, so I don't take things out on my family, but I know that I am probably not the best mom I could be in the sense that I am not as happy and positive as I could be. So - even though I have been in and out of counseling for many years, I resolved that this is the year that I am going to get healthy, and I am committed to stick to it.
I would encourage you to seek out a support system, and I would also strongly encourage you to reach out and get professional help, today! If you work, your employer may have an EAP program you can use to talk to an intake specialist today. If not, I would try to get referral to a psychologist right away.
Please don't wait - the part where you said you have thoughts of hurting yourself concerns me. I have had similar thought in the past - but you have to be strong and know your children would never recover from that. That is how I always try to pull myself out of that tailspin. I know there are hotlines you can call where you can talk to someone confidentially right away - I don't know the number but I will find it and post it here in a moment.
I would really like to help - my e-mail address is kmonc1@cox.net if you would like to talk offline.
I know it is hard, but you have to take the first step and get yourself some help. You can do it.

First, I want to say I think it is wonderful you are talking about this.That is the first step...and a important one!
Do you take meds? And do you see a psychiatrist and/or a Therapist?
My father had manic depression.I say had because he commited suicide.He did it alone.
You don't have to be alone or feel alone there are sevices out there to help.You can call the crisis hotline and someone will talk to you and help you get the help you need.They will also help with your famliy so they can understand what is going on with you. And give them tools to protect themselves.

Have you seen a doctor about this? They could give you the right medications so you don't have to feel depressed or anxious. Sometimes it helps if you just talk about things....that could make it better. No problem is as big as it seems and there is always someone who has is worse than you. But seriously, maybe if you try sitting down with a friend and discussing why youare so depressed or what exactly is bothering you, maybe you will feel a wieght off your shoulders.

Cruz Family Day Care
~Samantha Cruz

Mommy of 2 wild boys and love every minute of it.

Even if you are on medication, get yourself to a psychiatrist. I learned -- the hard way -- that one's body can build up a tolerance for a certain set of meds, and they stop being (as) effective. My primary care doctor wasn't equipped to spot that. Recognizing the problem is the first step, and you've made it thus far. Best of luck.

You have some great resources from these moms to try. I don't know a mom in this world that hasn't gotten depressed or overwhelmed or taken something out on their loved one and thought later "wow, I really got more upset over that than I should have" I think we all have done that. It's great that you notice it and you want to fix it. I'm so glad you are talking about this. It's so important. Like the other mom said "you have inspired her" I think you prob inspired all of us today. I will share something with all of you about a very dear mommy friend of mine that didn't talk about what she was going through and she ended up ending her life last July. I don't think her two children will ever get over this and I think that they will have a hard time through their entire lives dealing with this. To them she was perfect. Sure sometimes she yelled or got angry but she was perfect in their eyes. She was Mom and she was everything to them. It has been so heartbreaking. I just wish she would have talked to us (her girlfriends) about what was going on. I know we could have helped. We might not have been able to take the problem go away but I know we could have helped her go through what she was going through whatever it may have been. None of us are perfect even though sometimes from the outside looking in it seems that someone may have a perfect life but we have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. I tried to tell my younger sister that when she was going through her divorce and she said "so and so is so lucky and she has the perfect life" We have no idea what "so and so" is really dealing with. That's one reason I think holiday letters are so funny because (I'm looking at one right now on my desk) they are all cherie and the make everything look just glorious. Reality is that we all struggle day to day things are not just glorious all the time. But the fact is that life is hard. If you have depression or other things that run in your family like so many of us do then you just need to make sure you always have your support system around when you need them. Even if you have to call a girlfriend and wake her up at 3am just to vent! Whether it's through a group of girlfriends or a church or a Dr's office with just talking it out. There are always better ways to deal with it than the way my mommy friend did. Sounds like even on this forum you have some neat moms that will help out. You have in fact inspired me too! Thanks for sharing and give some of these things offered by these moms a try.. God bless you for sharing!!!

Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.

Tabby,

Please take care of yourself. Addressing the physical part of depression with is very important and goes hand in hand with therapy/counseling. Remember your loved ones need you. Don't try to take on too much at once. You will eventually be able to quit smoking and start exercising. Try to pamper your self and your soul (bubble bath, candles, aromatherapy, a cup of tea etc.).

Healing what's going on inside and getting your inner self in shape is the first step. I admire your courage for recognizing you need help and for sharing this with others. I found a couple of resources in the Arizona Parents Guide (a book given to me and my husband at a class held at Scottsdale Healthcare Shea). I hope you find them useful. I will keep you in my prayers.

Mental Health Assoc. of Arizona
1.800.642.9277
www.mhaarizona.org

New Parents Network
http://npn.org/index.asp

Postpartum Support International Arizona Warmline
1.800.434.6667
www.postpartumcouples.com

Suicide Prevention/Crisis Support
1.800.784.2433
www.hopeline.com

God bless you and your family.

Reese

The other day I was the one who posted 'cribs' and received a fair amount of bashing, which made me really upset, I cried. Well I to have been sick and dealing with depression and panic attacks and aniexty. Thru my work I got a counselor who helped me understand my issues and a psych for medication management. Keep your head up and reach out to your job, or even your primary care physician they should be able to give you referral. there are so many repsonses to your blog that are great, it made me even feel better. AZmoms can be a great place to hang out and chat.

after my 'cribs' post i received alot of blogs that were more positive, like i said i still intend to be a part of this wonderful community!!!

Happy Wife. Happy Mother to Ashley 11/14/87 and Izabel 11/3/06