If you think today's kids are growing up faster, and too quickly, you're not alone. Half of British parents think childhood ends at age 11, according to a survey of 1,200 parents in March by Random House Children's Books.
Here in the United States, too, 11-year-olds are blurring the lines between tweens and teens. Youngsters are hanging out at the mall unsupervised, going to boy-girl parties and prefer quality time with cellphones and computers (allowing them unimpeded and parental-free access to friends) to toys and board games.
Experts blame parents. In the UK survey, parents, too, said it was their own fault.
I wrote a story about this in today's Arizona Living section in the Arizona Republic, and Denise Bodman, a senior lecturer in the School of Social and Family Dynamics at Arizona State University says we're pushing our children into adulthood much too quickly.
Mostly, it's because we can't say no.
There are signs of it everywhere: youngsters at R-rated films, little girls dressed like they are on their way to a nightclub and young boys killing people in violent video games like Halo and Grand Theft Auto.
In the early days of mobile phones, many children had to wait until high school to get one. Now, the devices are prevalent in middle schools. Kids also go to bed later, so they they're up to watch adult-oriented shows such as Desperate Housewives and Family Guy.
But the experts and parents I interviewed for my story just don't think kids are ready for all the responsibility that comes with growing up so quickly. The reason your 11-year-old already has lost two cell phones this year is because he's not really ready for the responsibility. And your daughter gave her home number to some guy at the mall because she really shouldn't be there unsupervised. If they date at 9 and 10, what will they be doing at 12 and 13?
My son is only 9, but already some of his friends have their own iPod Nanos and cell phones. He wants an airsoft gun so he can shoot his eye out. And he thinks I'm the worst mother on Earth because I won't let him have video games rated “T” for teens.
I'm not trying to keep him from growing up, just slowing him down a little bit.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
I agree that kids are
I agree that kids are growing up too fast and I believe that parents are mostly to blame. However, I also feel that society is making it impossible to keep adult issues away from kids and parents are having to address those much earlier, thus taking away little bits of innocence and childhood with it. Examples are tv stations allowing reruns of adult themed shows on earlier. Today's news reports and even commercials (both my kids have heard of Viagra and asked questions). Also, my freshman son went to school and had classes with expectant mothers. I also think children are physically developing quicker (I personally believe its the steroids/additives in foods), my 11 yr old daughter has two friends that have already started their period, it was around age 13 for me and my friends.
Not a day goes by that I don't question my parenting skills. Too bad these little boogers didn't come with a training manual.
I feel very blessed that my
I feel very blessed that my 11 yo still acts like a kid, collecting rocks, daydreaming, playing video games, riding his bike, etc. A good time is still going out for a burger or ice cream. He doesn't beg for a cell phone or Nano.
My daughter, on the other hand, does beg for those things. I think it has a lot to do with their personalities and what their friends have. But I'm the mom, and I have to keep them into the things that are appropriate, even if I get labeled "the worst mom ever!!!!" by the kids.
BTW...here's Kari's story link: http://arizonamoms.com/justformoms/more-children-in-a-rush-to-grow-up
Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.
Thank goodness my 10 year
Thank goodness my 10 year old still plays with dolls and has an imagination. Unfortunately physically she is maturing too fast. I am not ready for that.
Sandi is a discussion leader for the East Valley. She lives in Chandler with her husband and 10 year old daughter that thinks she is 15.
I don't know what 11 will
I don't know what 11 will hold, but my 9 yr old and his 5 yr old brother spent considerable time playing, "Journey To The Center Of The Earth" (no, they haven't even seen the movie) in the tent tunnels at the new Phoenix Children's Museum this weekend. He was also right at home, stocking shelves and making brick oven pizza at the museum marketplace! My 9 yr old is still very much a kid, playing imaginary games all day long, writing scripts for the movie he is planning on making and has never asked for a cell phone. I want it to last as long as possible.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
Sometimes I worry about my
Sometimes I worry about my son....he'll be nine this year, and he seems so much older than that. He still plays and has vivid imagination, but he has always been a little more sophisticated than a lot of the kids in his grade.....and sometimes he has little patience for their immature outbursts and more childish ways(not saying he's better than other kids, just that he seems like a teen or an adult in a child's body sometimes). His expectations of his classmates are very high, and I have a hard time getting him to understand that they are just acting their age. He's an only child, so I sometimes wonder if he'd be more tolerant if he had siblings.
Maybe I didn't focus enough on keeping him little, I just let him move on from things when he was ready.
He has been asking for a cell phone, but he's still a few years away from that. He has done a good job of caring for his MP3 player, but a phone is a different story. I have no idea who he'd call besides me....he rarely uses our home phone!
Maybe an only thing...but,
Maybe an only thing...but, maybe a first born thing. My oldest son is perfectionistic too (OCD). Just because he ENJOYS writing scripts and directing his friends, doesn't mean that they have the "passion for the project" that he has! LOL. My son, too prefers to play with older kids who share his "vision" and finds it frustrating when other kids just want to "play" - in his mind, he's working on serious stuff! LOL. Once he read that Steven Speilberg made his first movie at age 12, my son was fixated on the possibilities!
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
You are right...he is a
You are right...he is a perfectionist, and he has high expectations of himself.....I think the main source of his frustration is that the other boys don't take things as seriously as he does. His passion is sports...mainly basketball and football. He draws football fields and basketball courts in his spare time and comes up with new plays to discuss with his coaches. He absolutely lives to play these sports, and plays with intensity and becomes irritated when the other boys don't seem to be paying attention and giving it their all (or what he thinks their all SHOULD be), or when he feels like the rules are not being followed properly. He has confronted refs at baskeball games for what he felt were unfair calls. At the close of his last basketball season, the words his coach used to describe him were "fierce competitor".
I have tried to explain to him that some of the other boys he plays with probably aren't as interested as he is, they don't care if all the rules are followed or probably don't know as much about the game as he does, because their interests lie elsewhere and they just want to play for fun.......whereas he wants all the rules followed to a "T" and he wants everyone to play like they are on fire. To them, it may be just another NYS basketball game or a schoolyard football game....but to him it is practically the NBA championship or Superbowl.
I was just talking about
I was just talking about this with a girlfriend. I was saying I remember when I could put on Disney Playhouse and there would be children shows until at least 1pm. Roli Poli Oli, Bear it the Big Blue House, Stanley, and a host of other cartoons, or puppet, or computer animated shows. Now, the Tween shows start around 10am!! Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, That's so Raven, Jonas Brothers, Life with Deric. You get my point, it is just harder to find kiddie shows that are for younger kids.
Trust me on this, I am not someone who lets my kids just sit in front a TV and watch all day. I think the markerters know where the money is and go after that share. I believe they also hold responsibility for our kids growing up too fast.
KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.