**If this is the wrong forum, please let me know which will be a more appropriate forum to put this in, thanks in advance**
Just looking for other's thoughts on this subject; here's a few details.
My 8 & 1/2 yr old niece & her 9 & 10 yr old cousins are being left at home alone on a regular basis while her father goes to work about 3 or 4 miles from the house. So far, nothing bad has happened to them, even though all the neighbors in the townhouse complex they live in know that these 3 little girls are home alone all day, 5 or 6 days a week. And it isn't for lack of anyone to care for them & watch after them; I run a 24 hr child care less than a mile from the townhouse. I offered to let them stay for half the normal rate, which was declined. I offered to go and check on them every half hour at no charge whatsoever, and was met with resistance by my sister in law, who said that " I was babysitting 3 brothers at the age of 8; these three little girls can sit at home, make their own rice (they're half Vietnamese),and pick their own pay per view movies & go swimming with the neighbor, and clean the house for dad/uncle, and be perfectly responsible & perfectly fine for 10 hours!"
My own girls, who will be 9 & 10 this summer, are not allowed to even walk to school without holding my hand, and even if I wasn't running a home child care, they wouldn't be allowed to stay at home alone long enough for me to even run to the grocery store. The neighborhood we all live in has one of the highest numbers of convicted sex offenders living in the area, due to a large concentration of apartments & townhouses combined with single family homes like ours. My rule, and the girls don't argue about it, is that they will be allowed to walk to school without being in my constant sight when they are 15, and that's assuming that school is less than a mile away. This age is the "magic age" for them, when they not only earn the privilege of walking to school, or to the store, or to their cousin's or friend's houses, but also when they will be allowed to stay at home alone for no more than 4 hours at a time. I will allow them to start taking classes to learn how to babysit at that age, and they will be allowed to babysit within that same mile area, so long as I know the parents & it's not for any longer than 4 hours.
I guess I just don't understand why a parent would voluntarily leave their child alone at such a young & impressionable age when there are so many hardened criminals in such a close vicinity, especially when there are options that will not cost the parent any money at all, to make certain the children are following the rules & are safe.
Any responses are appreciated!
Good Day,& God Bless Everyone!!
Omg your "make their own
Omg your "make their own rice" (they're half Vietnamese) comment made me crack up laughing out loud. I am half Viet and was thinking why in the world is that relevent!
Anyhow, 1. you are posting in the right area. 2. I have girls that age and would never ever leave them alone. Even though my oldest is nine and is really responsible and helps with the younger kids. My fear is someone breaking in or a fire starting. Some parents feel they have no choice or have the mentality that bad things can't happen to them. Obviously you have given them great options that they are still resisting. Why not offer for the girls to be dropped off at your home to hang out with you and your family free of charge. You have daughters close in age to them right? Tell the parents your daughters want to hang out with their girls. That way you know they are safe.
I am still laughing everytime I scroll up and see "rice" (half Vietnamese) that is too funny!
Jennifer is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com and mommy to four beautiful girls who range from 9 to 4 years of age.
No offense intended here;
No offense intended here; hope I didn't offend!! They are half American, half Vietnamese, and they have a distinct preference for the Asian type foods over all American favorites, such as pizza or burgers, or microwave meals! And yes, my daughters are in the same age group; I'll try the suggestion you made, about coming over to play. Thanks!
Good Day,& God Bless Everyone!!
I'm not easily offended I
I'm not easily offended I thought it was hilarious. Were they born in the US? If so they are 100% American and 50% (whatever) and 50% Vietnamese. Just wanted to let you know because that could offend others including them. Good Luck keep us posted!
Jennifer is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com and mommy to four beautiful girls who range from 9 to 4 years of age.
I'm glad I didn't offend,
I'm glad I didn't offend, Jennifer! All the girls were indeed born in the States, and you are correct, this makes them "Americans". The 2 older girls are visiting from Seattle, and on the rare occasion that I do see them (they're all quite busy when adults are around), I simply refer to them by name.
The "half Vietnamese, half American" comes from listening to the youngest girl's mom, my sister in law. She & Mimi's dad recently divorced, but even before they separated, on all her school papers whether here in Phoenix, or in Saigon, she & her brother have ALWAYS been referred to as "half & half"; I guess the parents somehow thought this would generate some sort of additional educational and/or social benefit for the kids.
I don't really understand the significance of it; hearing them being referred to as "half Vietnamese" is just something I have always assumed was politically correct since the parents both use this term regularly. The "half & half" comes from mom being white, blue eyed, American, and the dad being referred to as Vietnamese until he got his green card about a year ago.
Good Day,& God Bless Everyone!!
Oh my goodness - i couldn't
Oh my goodness - i couldn't imagine my 10 year old staying home by herself - let alone with two kids the same ages. Even when my 16 or 15 year old babysits her for me - I always get the inevitable text or phone call - "I'm never doing this again" because she's so active... okay, maybe it's just my kid :) I always say if she would have been first she would have been an only child.
Three kids that young are definately too young to be by themselves.
However, (and please don't take offense) I think maybe you are perhaps a little too overprotective of your girls? I appreciate that you are wanting to protect them - and trust me I know why. But if they aren't allowed to be on their own until their 15, how can they babysit when they are at that age as well? If you don't trust them to make decisions until that magical age - they won't have any experience making decisions for other children.
They are home alone too long
They are home alone too long and they are too young. The father being 3 or 4 miles away isn't sufficient.
Point well taken about the
Point well taken about the 15 yrs old rule I have; as far as decision making with relation to babysitting, they currently help me out supervised with my smaller toddler day care kids, and when they ask me if they can help me change diapers, I ask allow them to help, gently informing them when there is an easier or cleaner way or faster way to get the job done. When they ask if they can help get the 2 yr old ready for her nap, I ask them what they are going to do first, and when it's done, what to do next, etc. They are doing very well, for an 8 & 9 yr old! And they are also learning that once their regular chores are done,and they come to help me with the little ones, or go and help grandma with other chores, they get paid for this "above & beyond"!
Thanks for the input!
Good Day,& God Bless Everyone!!
You might call CPS. Not to
You might call CPS. Not to report them but ask them the age that is legal for children to stay home alone. There may also be a certain amount of children that can be home alone at one time. I know there's a law, I just don't remember the ages.
Paz
I used to work for a
I used to work for a conventional daycare before I started my own home-based one. During my time there, I had the opportunity to take a class on child abuse & neglect, being taught by a former parent,foster parent,& he was also a former CPS worker. According to the laws of abandonment, I probably could call CPS and they would go over there, just based on the number of hours & the fact that it's 5 sometimes 6 days a week.
But as far as a "legal age", there is none. Basically, CPS will take a look around the house (if the child lets them in the door), and they will ask the child or children general safety questions:
Where's mom/dad? When will an adult be home? Are you allowed to cook/swim/leave the house while there is no adult here? Tell me what you think an "emergency" would be. Who's the first person you call if an "emergency" happens? What kinds of things do you do to keep from getting bored while the adults are not here?
So long as the home appears safe & clean, and the kids can answer these questions with confidence & accuracy (hesitation in answering or a simple "I don't know" won't cut it depending on the question), then CPS considers them responsible enough to be left alone.
Now these 3 girls are 8 & 1/2, 9 & 10. If they were toddlers & were not toilet trained yet, then it would be considered a case of abandonment.
Good Day,& God Bless Everyone!!
Thanks for this info. I was
Thanks for this info. I was curious myself.
Jennifer is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com and mommy to four beautiful girls who range from 9 to 4 years of age.
My neighbor used to leave
My neighbor used to leave her 5 and 9 year old kids home alone. I called the police and I was told by the Glendale Police Department that if the child was able to reach the phone and call 911, they were OK to be left alone!!!!
Yes, I have 3 boys. No, I am not trying for a girl.
That's cute! I mean, the 3
That's cute! I mean, the 3 boys & not trying for a girl! When my 2 girls arrived 12.5 months apart, less than 12 hours after the youngest was born, I was in surgery having "the plumbing", as my DH refers to it, cut/tied/burned! No, I'm DEFINITELY not trying for a boy!
We are trying to get state approval to foster children, though. Maybe he (my hubby) will get a boy that way. And we have plenty of rambunctious, always dirty nephews, for him to play with, that I don't have to clean up after!
Good Day,& God Bless Everyone!!
Not a problem, Jennifer. Any
Not a problem, Jennifer. Any info I have received, whether through formal training or other reliable sources, I am always happy to pass on to everyone else!
And guess what? I didn't have to get the mom all angry at me again; my girls love calling their cousins and putting them on speaker phone for half an hour at a time, and they also have the capability of some form of chatting via the Barbie Girl MP3 player that they all have & go online with.
The only immediate issue that concerns me is that "mom" doesn't believe in exercising parental controls on the pay per view and the internet. My husband is going to talk to the dad when we all get together on Friday, and let him know some of the websites Mimi has been caught "visiting" at our home, and show him how to initiate parental controls on his own computer.
Good Day,& God Bless Everyone!!