OK, so my niece is 9 or 10 I can't remember but she confided in me (the cool aunt) that she sometimes goes into chat rooms with her new laptop. I told her that it wasn't I good idea and I told her it could be dangerous b/c kidnappers can be in those chat rooms. She says that she and one of her friends always say they are older sometimes from another country so they other chatter won't know who she is and they think it's funny. To put it in gross terms that a 9 or 10 yr old would understand I told her that the person that is chatting back could be a 500 pound fat guy named earl waiting to chat with her and lie about who he is so she will give him more info about herself not a cute 5th grader from Boston. She STILL doesn't believe me. So should I go to my sister and break a trust that my niece and I have? I think maybe they need to be monitoring what she is doing on that laptop better but I don't want to send off any warning signs or she won't trust me.
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
I would tell my niece that
I would tell my niece that what she is doing is dangerous, and that surely at some point her parents will discover her activities (it's really not that hard --- all they'd have to do is check her 'history' to see the sites listed.) Then I would ask her parents, "so, I hear little Susie has a new laptop. Aren't you worried about who she might be 'meeting' out in cyberspace?" and gently nudge THEM to look into it.
It's true that you NEVER know who you can trust online. And kids give away lots of info without realizing it (i.e. mentioning their school name or mascot, what sports teams they like, even what music or celebrities they like can give huge clues to predators) and all somenone has to do is keep a notepad to jot down the bits of info, then put it together. Also, some predators are tech savvy enough to trace ANY address back to the source.
So you are not over reacting, and though I know it's important not to break trust with your niece, wouldn't it be better than the alternative?
I have a 9 year old and all
I have a 9 year old and all computer activity in my house is monitored. There are so many creeps out there. She shouldn't have the time or access to enter chat rooms. I think as an aunt you need to tell her this needs to stop immediatly and then tell her mom. Tell your niece you are only protecting her. I cannot stress how dangerous chat rooms are. I have had weirdos contact me from craigslist from posted KIDS items. It's dangerous out there. I am careful just selling and buying. Ask her why she feels a need to even go into chat room, she might need some extracirricular activity in her life. Wow this is really scary. Forget about being the "cool aunt" this time and tell her parents. Please
Jennifer is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com and mommy to four beautiful girls who range from 9 to 4 years of age.
I think you can do this
I think you can do this without tattling. Just send your sister a friendly e-mail. Hey, I heard [child] just got a new laptop. I ran across these, and I thought you might be interested. Then add some appropriate links to pages about keeping kids safe on the internet.
I'd do the same as "not the
I'd do the same as "not the mama." I'd also suggest that she put something on the new laptop that monitors the sites she goes to, then she and her daughter can go over them at the end of the day or week.
The computer can be a scary thing, especailly for a young girl who is giving out information. Glad she has a cool aunt to talk to.
Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.
That's a good idea.... Also,
That's a good idea....
Also, I never thought of weirdo's contacting you through things you sell on craigslist that are for kids? That is scary!
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
Diva please let us know what
Diva please let us know what you decide to do because I am thinking of you and your niece. Yes,I have met creeps just selling stuff online. Can you imagine the creeps lurking on the other side of those chat rooms? You got some pretty good advice here let us know what you do. Susan has a great point.....
Jennifer is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com and mommy to four beautiful girls who range from 9 to 4 years of age.
I agree. I think you could
I agree. I think you could imply it to your sister without saying it. They have some good security software out there as well.
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
DivaB. You are careful not
DivaB. You are careful not to open your dishwasher mid-cycle for fear of potentially harmful fumes. Are you really going to let your beloved neice be at risk of something far more likely to harm her? Act quickly. She'll get over it.
Susan is mom to Alexander, Isabel, David and stepmom to Eric. She does community outreach for arizonamoms. Be sure to enter the Back-to-School $1000 Giveaway every day July 4-31!
I have to agree with Susan.
I have to agree with Susan. Talk to the girl's mom and tell her that you do not want to violate her daughter's confidence but you thought it was important that she know. Ask her not let on that she found out from you; she can easily tell her daughter that she did a history on the laptop and found the chats.
There's no reason to know that you are the one who told her and her mom will benefit from her confidence in you in the event that other issues arise. Also, if I knew that another adult knew my child was involved in risky behavior and did not tell me, I'd be very upset. Just sending the Internet safety links isn't enough; we all think that stuff is done by other kids, not ours.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
I agree with Karina and the
I agree with Karina and the others who are encouraging you to talk to one or both of her parents and let them handle it. They don't need to mention you at all.
Good luck!
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
Today I spoke to a 20 year
Today I spoke to a 20 year old woman who told me her 17 year old female cousin was conversing online with a young man. Long story short - this young man who supposedly lived on the east coast showed up to her high school in Portland, Oregon and was there to pick her up. This "young man" was really in his 40's and was adamant that she leave with him. He had to be arrested because he would not the girl alone.
More adults need to be aware that Internet safety is a real issue and should be taken seriously. Just take a look at the FBI's website to see what the top ten investigative priorities are. #1 is Terrorism, #2 is Counterintelligence and #3 is Cyber.
We may feel like a child is protected because they are in the safety of their own homes when they are online surfing the World Wide Web however the dangers that lurk online are undeniable.
Although we hope our children will follow rules we have set about being online, and can teach them not to give out personal information, and not to participate in chat rooms, we have to remember they are still children who will make mistakes.
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