Have you hugged your middle-schooler today?

Chances are you probably haven't been able to get your middle-school aged child to hug you in public since about third-grade, leaving you asking, “Where's the love?” Most likely, they're giving it to their friends at school.

A hug is how today's young teenagers say “hi,” replacing the high-five or knuckle tap. And it's also how they say “goodbye,” “I haven't seen you since Algebra 47 minutes ago,” and “See ya at lunch.”
The friendly hug has become the key communication tool among this age group, educators and parents say. The kids – their arms draped around each other – agree.

For a story I wrote for arizonamoms.com and the Arizona Living section of Saturday's Arizona Republic, kids told me that they hug their friends throughout the day and think nothing of it.

When I was in middle school – oh, I guess about 30 years ago now – a hug meant something more. Girls might have hugged after not seeing each other all weekend, but if a boy and a girl hugged, that meant they were “going out.” (We never actually went anywhere, just hung out together at lunch.)

There were boys who went their entire middle-school careers without getting hugged by a girl. Today, boys are hugging girls left and right.

And, when I was in middle school, boys never hugged. The guys punched their buddies to show affection.

Boys hug today though they don't get too carried away with it like the girls do. The boys are more likely to “man hug,” clasping hands firmly and then bumping their chests together briefly.

Have you noticed all this hugging and what do you think about it? I think I like it, as long as the hugs are welcomed. Today's kids do so much of their communicating on cell phone and computer. I’m sure they need the human contact.

Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.