My mom and mother in-law both think I am horrible for making my son who is 11 do the dishes. It's his only chore. Our old pastor once said that we should raise our children to be able to live life without us. I never had to do anything growing up and when I moved out of my house for the first time in college I burned up a dryer b/c I didn't know that you had to change a lint filter. I had no idea how to use a dishwasher. I think I am teaching him how to do things for himself. I think it's good for him to know this stuff. We have someone who cleans his room and does laundry so I think him doing the dishes is a good way to earn allowance. My mom thinks that he has no business doing dishes. It's like she thinks he is not able to be a kids b/c of this. Let me tell you that he really only does them every other day b/c sometimes it's bedtime when I realize they still need to be done. I do them then but I am just so frustrated at the comments from the peanut gallery about this... Like I said it's his only chore... Help me out here...
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
I think kids need structure
I think kids need structure and responsiblity. My 2 year old is responsible for putting his dirty clothes in his hamper each night before bathtime and helping me pick up toys! I think you are doing the right thing. Children feel valuable when they participate in making their house and home. Don't listen to your mom or in laws( I know that is hard:)) My mother taught me how to run a household, pay bills, grocery shop, cook, do light yard work, etc. As a result, I am no dummy and I don't need anyone to take care of me because I am a self-sufficient adult. I know that is all you want for your child too! Kudos to you:) Now if you can only get him to do the dishes everyday........haha!
What you are doing is FINE!
What you are doing is FINE! My 7 year old has chores. He has a start chart and after 10 stars he gets $1.00 and he LOVES it, and makes sure that he does it. It hangs in his room.
He is proud of himself and his accomplishments. Some of the things are: making his bed, emptying the bathroom trashes (we have three bathrooms), etc. Nothing major that will "take away from his childhood".
Work for yourself!
Kathy De Lisle
Independent Marketing Executive
Melaleuca
www.workathomeunited.com/delisle
For more info, contact me at katfishmama@gmail.com
I agree you aren't doing
I agree you aren't doing anything wrong.My son who is ten has chores as well.I don't give him to much durning the week because of homework.But he does have a board of everyday of the week, with something on it.And saturday is when he does more chores around the house.He actually feels good knowing he is helping and of course his little paycheck at the end of the week helps.
If you mom and MIL think you
If you mom and MIL think you are bad, they would think I straight up down right horrible. My son has to do the dishes, take out the trash, clean the kitchen counters and pick up his room and help with the den/play area. Kids need structure and they need chores so when they are older they know how to function on their own. My son even helps with laundry and has become more responsible to tell me, "I need to do a load of laundry."
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
I can totally see that
I can totally see that because your mom is just the sweetest person on the planet and I know she did everything for you and your sisters..... and she's the grandmother in this scenario and I'm sure loves to pamper your kids and not see them having to do work at what she probably views as very young ages. BUT.... as well meaning as she is, there's the reality of your duty as a mom (which you are handling beautifully!!!) to teach your kids how to be responsible citizens, etc., etc. I don't think expecting your son, at age 11, to do dishes now and again is asking too much. Just think about when our great-grandmother was raising her family in the Oklahoma panhandle and all her kids woke up at the crack of dawn to milk the cows, collect the eggs, churn the butter, etc., etc., and they were half the age of your son.
Strange as it is, my youngest daughter absolutely loves doing dishes and begs me to do them practically every night. I usually say no just because water ends up everywhere (she's only 6), including all over the floor, but I do love seeing her so enthusiastically hard at work.
Just stick to your guns and one day when your son is much older and helping his elderly grandparents with their finances or household chores, they'll appreciate how hard working and helpful he is.
DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
Your future daugher-in-law
Your future daugher-in-law will thank you profusely!
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
I hope my son is doing a
I hope my son is doing a much bigger number of chores at age 11. My son is 16 months old and I already appreciate how he helps me put the clothes in the dryer, pushes the broom around like he is sweeping and loves to water the flowers. He wants to help do everything we are doing.
Gosh, your son has it made. My son will be helping out a lot more than just washing the dishes.
I want to raise my son that helping out will not kill a person. Its the kids that have someone do it all for them that grow up and expect the world to wait on them.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
I ditto everyone here!
I ditto everyone here! Looks like we're unanimous. It might not make your mom feel any better, but at least you know you're not alone!
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
Puh-leeze, don't do "for"
Puh-leeze, don't do "for" your kids what some of our parents did "for" our generation. They wanted so much more for us than the hardscrabble post-Depression childhood they'd had.
You're not "making" your children "do" chores; you are teaching them how to survive beyond the Bank of Dad and the Mom Rescue Mission.
seriously, my parents made
seriously, my parents made me wash dishes, mop the floor and do laundry, by the time i was old enough to turn the water on in the sink. There were 5 of us kids, and we each had to do it. To me it wasn't chores it was being a team player. My parents were busy, and needed help. I learned how to take care of myself. When I was old enough I was making breakfast, as were my brothers and sisters. We all know how to do laundry, make good healthy food for ourselves, and do our own chores now. Maybe your parents are thinking, he's got plenty of time to do that kind of stuff when he's older. But who's to say he just won't find someone to be dependent on, it happens all the time. Just raise him how you think best, mothers and mothers in law are always going to criticize you - no matter what.
I can't believe doing the
I can't believe doing the dishes is his only chore. We have a cleaning lady so my 13 year old son hets his room cleaned for him, but he has many other chores. He empties the dishwasher, picks up dog poop, sweeps the pool, takes out the trash, does his own laundry and occassionally even makes dinner for us. He loves to cook stuff so he has a few recipes he's good at (meatloaf, spaghetti, etc.). He's a straight A student, very active in sports, has lots of friends, and is a happy kid. When he gets home from school he immediately does his homework and then his chores. After that he still has time to go out and play with his friends before dinner. I think we're doing him a service by requiring him to be responsible for things around the house. I really think a lot of the problem with kids these days is that they're much more spoiled and coddled than they used to be. They expect everything to be done for them and take no responsibility or accountability for anything. So stick to your guns about your son doing the dishes and consider even adding more chores. He's old enough now that he should be able to take more responsibility.
This is great! I am soooo
This is great! I am soooo going to email these posts to both my mom and MIL.... really I am!
Oh, Sometimes my 11 yr old has to help out with one of the babies and you should see how both mother and mil think of that!!!
I think it makes him a productive member of the family! They think it makes him my slave. Which I had to put an end to that word being used by my mother in law!! Everytime my in laws would come to visit they would not only do the dishes for him but tell him that he was my slave and joke and say "hey Slave"... I HIT THE ROOF!!!!
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
Being part of a family means
Being part of a family means that you all help each other. That's why my son doesn't get allowance for chores. We all have responsibilities around the house and do them because it's the right thing to do, not because we get paid for it. Anyhow, my 13 year old helps me with the babies all the time. At the beginning he even changed diapers, but that novelty wore off pretty quick. I don't ask him to do a lot when it comes to the babies because I don't want to rely on him too much so that he feels I'm taking away his childhood. Sometimes I will ask him to watch the babies for a few minutes if I have to go do something or to bring me a diaper or their jammies or something. He likes to be able to help. He even does the last feed of the night with me if my husband works late (which happens 3-4 days per week). He tells me how much he enjoys helping with the babies. He is going to be the best husband & father when he grows up! I am shocked that your in laws would call him your slave and do his only chore for him. That would definitely not fly in my house!
That would really annoy
That would really annoy me.....your in-laws are dead wrong for doing that - the last thing this world needs is another man who thinks he should be waited on and have no responsibility around the house.
My MIL is from Mexico, so she is of the old school mindset that she should work like a dog from sun-up to sun-down to serve the men in the family.....and I know even though she would never admit it, she is very unhappy about her role in life....but it's how she was raised. Unfortunately, it's also how she raised my husband - so he does nothing around our house but yardwork. He used to do a lot more when we were living together and not married - as a matter of fact he was a neat freak - but the day we got married it's like he did a 180.
He comments every now and then that he should help me more - but he doesn't, and it puts an immense strain on our relationship. So, I am trying to make sure my son doesn't turn out this way, but I think it's an uphill battle. When we are at my in-laws they wait on my son hand and foot.....which is different than how I do things when it's just my son and I. He cleans his own room, he separates his laundry, he helps me in the kitchen, he carries in groceries with me and he's charged with cleaning up the dog poop in the yard. As he gets older I'll have him do more - hopefully it will stick and he won't be the typical Latino man.
Haha they're grandmas, of
Haha they're grandmas, of course they think the precious one shouldn't be doing dishes. I think you're doing the right thing. I'd even switch it up every once in a while. Since like someone said it would have been nice to know how to do some of those basic house keeping things when you're on your own. I think it's the same for other basics too like changing a tire, balancing a checkbook, or using a screw driver.