Ok how did my 6th graders homework turn into mine? I am havign to stay up late doing the rest of his typing for a paper. How many of you do this or am I just a sucker? I remember my mom doing it for me so maybe that's why I get suckered in... How may of you do this?
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children, Joshua 12, Brooke 2 and Mason 10 months
Diva, honey, just say,
Diva, honey, just say, "No".
My Mom typed up an essay I did on Patrick Henry (Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death) that I wrote in the 5th grade while I was quarantined with something; this was before children were allowed to play with typewriters. It ended up being the second-best essay in the state, and I had to go to a reception hosted by the Daughters of the Revolution. I had to congratulate Kevin Welsh, who wrote the first-best essay, and he's been cocky about it ever since. Seriously, even at our 20th high school reunion. I got a 50-cent coin and a flag. Every other kid that passed through Mrs. Johnson's 5th grade class after that had to write an essay, until she retired, though nobody ended up first. That's 25 kids per year over probably another 20 years, so that's 500 kids (all of whom are now middle-aged) who hate me. And my Mom didn't even make any corrections.
Please don't do his work for him. You've already passed the 6th grade. It's his turn.
Funny you would bring this
Funny you would bring this up. Last night, I put my third-graders spelling words in alphabetical order so he could finish his homework packet before bedtime - my bedtime, not his. It was already well past his bedtime. I clearly crossed the line, stopping short of actually writing them in the homework packet for him. I've never done it before. Usually, I just give him hints or say, "Are there any Bs?" But I was tired and wanted him in bed.
Will it turn him into a slacker? I hope not. I think it's OK that you typed your son's paper this one time. But, like me with the homework packet, your job next time a project like that rolls around is to help him manage his time better so he has time to do all the work himself. I'll do the same.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
You are not alone. Like
You are not alone. Like Karina, I have "helped" my daughter. Sometimes it is just easier. No I do not make it a habit. Some parents are better than others in this area, but hey, we help them with everything in their lives at one point or another. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just don't go to college with him and do his work :)
KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.
The most important homework
The most important homework advice I ever received is to let your kid take responsibility for their own homework. It only takes a time or two of turning something in late or getting a bad grade on an assignment for them to realize it's their responsibility. I've also learned (through trial and error) to not hover over my kids during homework time. I will answer questions about how the process works, but I won't give the answer for specific problems. We also used to get bogged down by me having to check and make sure each answer is correct. Now I just ask which 3 (or whatever #) she'd like me to check.
It might sound like I'm mean or uninvolved, both of which couldn't be farther from the truth. I'd rather my children get a bad grade in elementary school and learn from it than to get that bad grade in high school or college when the stakes are higher.
It's hard to step back and let your kids learn from their own mistakes, but it really does help them in the long run.
ITS EASY TO FALL INTO THIS
ITS EASY TO FALL INTO THIS POSITION, I THINK MOST MOMS HAVE. WHAT I STARTED DOING WITH MY SON IS.. AS SOON AS HE GETS HOME FROM SCHOOL, HOMEWORK IS THE VERY FIRST THING HE DOES.HE DOES ALL THE WORK HIMSELF AND WHEN HE IS DONE I GRADE IT TELLING HIM WHAT ANSWERS ARE WRONG AND HE DOES THEM OVER AND OVER AGAIN TIL HE GETS THEM RIGHT! HE HAD A BOOK REPORT DUE ONCE THAT HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT AND ENDED UP NOT BEING ABLE TO COMPLETE IT SO I WROTE THE TEACHER A NOTE ASKING TO SEND A DIFF BOOK HOME FOR THE WEEKEND AND MADE HIM DO IT FOR NO CREDIT. IN THE EVENT, HE WAS VERY UPSET WITH ME BUT NOW HE TELLS ME FIRST THING WHEN HE HAD A REPORT DUE!
When I was growing up my
When I was growing up my parents would never help me my homework unless I was really stuck. The said homework was my job. Now that I have kids (one is a high school freshman and one is in fifth-grade) I pretty much have stuck to the same motto.
sure, fine, whatever
Aren't you in the Elementary
Aren't you in the Elementary Education Field also? No way would I do that. Didn't they teach us to put all the responsibility on the child. How will they learn to do it and take charge if they know mom is going to do it.
I don't mind helping, but my child will manage his schedule so he gets it done and if not, well then, his work gets a 0 from the teacher until it is turned in. My son will know that all his homework comes first. The longer he puts it off, the longer he can sit and think about it. The quicker he gets it done, the quicker he can go outside and play.
Plus, I believe his teacher is wanting to see what he can do, not what the mom can do.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
Thanks for your honesty on
Thanks for your honesty on this one - it gives us moms a chance to see how we can all be in the same boat.
I figure that if my daughter is smart enough to try to get me to help her in ways she does not need me then she's smart enough to do it herself. A good delegator she will be! She is so darn persistant too that I swear if I weren't en guarde, I would be doing her work too!
It seems to me that as women we can be so accomodating, which is one of our best qualities. Of course the flip side of the coin is those who take advantage!
Notice a trend...most of us
Notice a trend...most of us seem to have the struggle with our sons? That is certainly the case with my family: my 10-year old son is the worse! I can't tell you (nor will I admit) how many times I'm after him to do his book reports or homework. My 8-year old daughter: different story; by the time I pick her up from Grandma's, she's free to play because homework is signed, sealed and just needs to be delivered. Is it the male chromosome (chromoZONE)?
Anna
You could be right, but I
You could be right, but I also believe its how us moms are catering to the boys more. Why is it that the more moms I speak too, the more I hear that fathers are lost without women in the home.
We must begin raising boys to have responsibility and not get caught up with giving in to them more than we do the girls. I don't think women were put on earth just to be a housekeeper and feel like a slave around the house. I want my son to know how to do all chores around the house, so he won't expect a woman to do it for him. I saw it with my mom too. She would do everything for my brother. What is this teaching him? He will expect a woman to do it all for him.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
Tough love.....Don't help
Tough love.....Don't help him or it will never end. Bless your heart but you led a priviledged life if your mom helped you! You are on the path of becoming (or already are) a helicopter parent!
Mom of teenage boys!
No, not in educationl. Poor
No, not in educationl. Poor kids if I was...lol... I did new home sales for 12 yrs & now I'm just a mom of an 11 yr old, 2 yr old and 8 month old but I have kept my real estate lic.. I know I shouldn't help type it and I have done it a few times. It's a waste of time b/c this morning he was up bright and early to look at what I typed for him and I was told that it was all wrong. He re typed it this morning b/c he didn't like my spacing and my header. I explained that was the reason he should have typed it himself he agreed. So maybe if asked again to help I should just mess it up again..lol....No, but I will remind him of how he didn't like my work anyway.
Yep, my mom spoiled us and did everything for us. I never had to clean anything and I didn't even know how to wash clothes or use a dryer in college. It wasn't something I was proud of.
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children, Joshua 12, Brooke 2 and Mason 10 months
As a teacher, I can say
As a teacher, I can say this...parents need to leave their children's homework to their children. I teach HS, and the trends (meaning, parents helping too much with homework) that are started when the kids are young tend to get more pronounced as the kids get older. Plus, believe it or not, the parents aren't fooling anyone. Generally, teachers know when parents have done too much, and then we place the kids' later work under more scrutiny than we otherwise might, so--essentially--a parent who cheats for his/her child makes the child a target. (And, yes, in most teachers' framework, it IS cheating to help a kid too much.)
Chris Marsh--mother, teacher, runner, coach....
I know, it's hard to see
I know, it's hard to see your kid struggle. But if they don't learn to do it themselves, what happens when mom isn't there to help. Do they start cheating? You don't want that.
Best is to guide them. Also, find out what the teacher's strategy for homework is. I found out mine doesn't require it. She hands it out, but if the kids don't do it, she doesn't lower their grade. She said homework is more for practice and to see if the kids get it. We do the homework all the time, but I know if the day is super packed and we don't get to all of it, I don't have to make either of us suffer to get it done.
I remember my parents doing
I remember my parents doing a lot of my homework and in hindsight, I don't think it was a good thing for them or me. You've got to nip this in the bud.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.