When is it ok to fight back? Plus I am mad at the PE teacher!!

I think you need to trust your instincts here. The absolute best advocate your child has is his parents. As moms, we have a great desire to protect our children and when somebody does something to hurt or harm them, our reaction is a STRONG one - you know, the one that you cannot describe...you just know when it happens because it wells up from the bottom of your feet and shoots straight out through the top of your head? ;-)

Here are my thoughts. I would suggest going to the meeting prepared - like you would for a business negotiation - and stay positive. Bring in all of the facts, including a copy of the email exchange with the P E teacher, and stay focused on the actual events and your son's history of behavior (i.e., that he has never been in trouble for something like this before, that his behavior at home is consistent, etc). Make a proactive effort to refrain from becoming emotional during the discussion. Fair judgement should be based on actual facts rather than just opinions.

Consider writing a list of the points you would like to make during your meeting and be sure to take it with you. In many ways, you are preparing for a negotiation of sorts. You are going to a meeting on their turf, so to speak, so you'll want to be aware of staying focused on the actual event and their recommended resolve.

Also, bring a pad of paper to take notes! There's nothing worse than having a meeting of a serious nature and not being able to remember exactly what the other person said. Taking notes during a conversation adds an element of authority (for your part) to the situation. Your son's safety during the school day is 100 percent their responsibility. Period. (And, that includes the school bus!)

I have to say that there have been times when I was unsure of my abilities to keep the "momma lion" at bay and I brought my husband with me. Maybe that would be an option?

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She is a business owner, community volunteer, and aspiring runner (whew!), who most enjoys her roles as wife & mom. Her children range in age from 4 to 13.

You got some good advice here. My first thought was to tell you to remain calm when you go into the meeting. You may even want to prepare yourself by thinking worst case scenario about what they may say about your son. Not that they will be right if they dwell on the negative, but if you at least are ready for that posibility, then maybe your first instinct won't be to get defensive. If they see you as a cool-headed, intelligent mom, that will go a long way toward their impression of your son. I think you do need to address the issue, and I would want to clear things up so my son isn't labeled the bad guy, but you will need to be very logical and peaceful during your conversation. Hope it goes well.

Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son.

Okay, I know as a mom you want to defend your son's actions, especially since it seems he was not in the wrong. However, no matter what really happened school policy states (usually) that there is a no tolerance policy when it comes to fighting whether your son threw the first punch or not. My son got into a fight at school last year and was suspended for 3 days. He did not start the fight, he was defending himself as my husband and I have taught him, but the fact remains that he was involved ina fight and according to policy, had to suffer the consequences. As a teacher, I understood those consequences and understood the school's position. As a mother I didn't want my son suspended, especially for defending himself, but that's just the way it is. My son was upset that he was suspended, but I explained to him that the school has no other choice. He now knows that if he gets in a fight at school he will be suspended, but he will not be in trouble at home as long as he was just defending himself.

It's never right to fight or fight back. My mom always told us to keep our record clean, and thank goodness. In todays economy, it hard to find a job with a college degree and clean record, so you sure don't want your son to think its good to fight back and then one day when he is older, he'll be into bigger fights.Keep the record clean, because one day, he will need it to land him that great job.

One Happy Mom in Arizona.

Wow the wonders of school. I was always picked on in school cause I was a girl (and all of the boys were smaller than I was strengh wise), and because I wasn't in a gang or even wanted to be. Kids are mean lets face it. But I can tell you that I used to defend myself. The boys would jump on my back trying to fondle me (stupid boys), and I would grab them off my back above my head and bend down and flip them over my shoulder (I had to do this all of the time at some point they got the idea, and I never got into trouble cause the resess teachers always knew that I was defending myself). Another time was when a girl was trying to get into a gang and her job was to beat me up. She put me in a hold that I couldn't get out of so I let her complete her move, and then out of adrenaline I picked this girl up over my head(way lighter than I was, I've always been short, stalky and athletic) and it scared the (inappropriate term) out of her and everyone in class, and I placed her down. Nobody ever messed with me again. I never threw a punch, but I always defended myself. My teacher was proud of me that I didn't do anything to her after that. Point is that there are ways to defend yourself without getting in trouble. Find the loop holes. I agree that you should take a stand, but there is also a point when you don't want to get in trouble too. When you are the one throwing punches it isn't defense anymore unfortunately unless the other kid is fighting back. Sorry for your situation.

Lisa - Mom to her spunky little Scarlette

Youneed to talk to the principal and set the record straight, if possible. Trust your son on this one.
As for fighting, I'm torn on the issue. I know my husband believes that if another kid is being physical with one of our sons, they should fight back (when they get to that age). I hate any kind of violence and would hope that my sons could find another solution. But the reality is that theywill need to fight back at some point in their lives.

Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 6 and 2.

I have reviewed your prior lengthy posts and I think there are many layer of issues here. I hope you are following through on professional advice. Your son is at a pivotal age. Take care and I hope for the best.

Mom of teenage boys!