I have twin boys in Kindergarten but they are in different classes. The oldest is doing extremely well in school. On his last report card, he had all S's. The youngest on the other hand was doing well at the beginning of the school year, but somehow before Christmas started having problems. His main problem is that he cannot focus in class and finishing his morning work on time. He does extremely well on his work that he brings home. He has had many 100's and checks and nows many of his sight words, can count and write up to 100. Now they are adding and telling time and from the paper that he brings home, it looks like he is catching on very good to me. His teacher thinks that he will do better if he repeated because of his problem focusing and taking longer than others to get started on his morning work, because of the fact that 1st grade teachers don't wait on their students to get ready for morning assignments. My main reason of not retaining him is, I don't know how he will take his brother being a grade ahead of him and wondering why he isn't in the same grade of school that he is in.
That's so hard to decide. I
That's so hard to decide. I ended up retaining my son after first grade. I cried a lot in making the decision with his teacher.
I wish I had him tested for learning disabilities in first grade when he was having trouble, but I really didn't know anything about that.
I ended up retaining, tho, partly because he struggled in reading and was in speech, and partly because he was heading to a new school.
Does your son have an IEP? Have you checked into learning disabilities, ADHD, other issues? You should ask about any services he may qualify for.
If it's social maturity, I know a lot of teachers like to keep kids back for this. I can see their reasoning to some degree. But I think you should know why they are thinking of doing this, especially because it does create a problem explaining why his twin is a year ahead. Ask a lot of questions before you make a decision. I wish I had asked more.
Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.
Gosh that is such a hard
Gosh that is such a hard question to answer. I think there is not a right or wrong answer. It is hard to decide, but I think you have to do what you think is in the best interest for the twin who has fallen behind. Is there possibly a summer school class he can take to somewhat catch up? If it is something you decide to do and hold him back a grade then I'd be upfront with him and have him join in that discussion and agreement. I think its so important to get their feedback and for him to understand upfront what is going on and why. I know for my two boys - they are still very young and do not go to elementary school - however my hubby and I have decided that we will hold them back a year for kindergarten all together. Mostly due to their birthdates (Nov & Dec.) They will be the 'older' kids in their kindergarten class, but we dont mind. It's all a matter of what we think is in their best interest. So - maybe they'll be 5 for only 1/2 of the year and 6 the other half. I'd rather they be more mature for their grade than immature and struggle. I wish you the best in your final decision.
LisaMommy is a 38 year old discussion leader for arizonamoms.com from the Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area. Her two boys are ages 7 months and 3 years old.
I feel for you. My best
I feel for you. My best friend has twins and one of the issues that came about when they started school was separation anxiety. One of them started to regress (baby talk, accidents etc). Maybe your little boy is handling the first real separation from his brother in his own way.
My advice to you would be to consult a professional. A psychologist would be able to evaluate the situation and guide you. A lot of times I don't think the teachers see the whole picture. My gut instinct is to let him try to advance, as you said he is catching on and this could just be a way for him to lash out because of his frustration from being separated.
My friend took her daughter to be evaluated and it helped them understand and deal tremendously.
Good luck!
Wow. That is a toughie. I
Wow. That is a toughie. I can't really judge your situation, but I would be tempted to move him up with his sibling and maybe get him a little extra help over the summer or with a tutor. I don't if they even do that for kindergarten though! Like you said, I would be concerned about his self-esteem if he perceives himself as less intelligent as his twin. It would be hard to explain the grade difference for the rest of their school career. Good luck on your decision.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
Gosh I really feel for you
Gosh I really feel for you too. My gut says that his problems in the classroom is temporary and that you should move him forward but how can you possibly base this on a stranger's gut? ;) I wonder if there are ways to catch him up over the summer.
I would talk with the school
I would talk with the school counselor and have him evaluated for any learning disablilities or attention disorders. If it were me, I would work very hard to ensure he goes to first grade with his twin. Work with him during the summer - check with the school and see if they can provide some tutoring. Maybe you could try placing the boys inthe same class next year and see if that makes a difference.
sure, fine, whatever
I'd suggest having a
I'd suggest having a qualified child counselor observe the boys together and apart. I know that some twins do better when separated, and others do better when they aren't.
On another topic, since when did a kid have to add in order to graduate from kindergarten?
Wow since you brough it up I
Wow since you brough it up I have been talking to gals in the office about stuff in schools, and I think that kids are being pushed really hard this day and age, and a lot is being relied upon by the parents believe it or not. My co-worker told me that parents have to teach phonics to kids in school, because they are only teaching repetition of words, and not how to sound them out. She also mentioned that they aren't requiring cursive writting papers or anything. They just teach it, but don't have them do anything with it. I honestly think that cursive is important for teaching detail, and it also helps with hand dexterity. A lot of weird stuff going on with schools, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not honestly.
Lisa - Mom to her spunky little Scarlette
I too would try very hard to
I too would try very hard to work with him over the summer. I would prefer to have my twins in the same grade if possible. Have him evaluated by a counselor and his pediatrician. Enroll him in tutoring or summer school. Now, on the flip side, if the counselor and/or pediatrician feel that the best thing for him is to repeat a grade, just be honest with him and explain that everyone is different - even twins!
As a mother of twins myself,
As a mother of twins myself, but mine are only 2, I can only imagine the effect of one moving up a grade and one not. The held back one would forever feel like the 'dumb" twin, I fear.
I would demand that he be tested to see if his distractions are due to a learning disability, then I'd ask for the first grade class/teacher that would be most helpful in this situation. I'd ask if putting them together would be accepted (why did you put them in different classes at this point? I am already wondering what I will do, so the question is one of curiosity, not of reproach.)
Ask and see what tutoring options there are (some teachers will tutor over the summer for a LOT LESS than the tutoring companies), IF it is really tutoring he need, sounds like he is bright enough, just not focused enough. I think I would do all that I could to keep them from being separated by a grade. Make a fuss if you have to. Camp out in the counselor's office or the Vice Principal's office then if nothing happens, the Principal's.
My thought is for the confidence of the twin in question, they need to be kept together.
Good luck!!!!
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
We've been talking about
We've been talking about this at my house since I last posted. I still think that an outside assessment is in order; it could be that one twin just clicked better with his teacher.
If you are convinced that the younger boy needs more time, then I'd encourage you to scout out a kindergarten that has a program that's significantly different from the one they're in, and keep them both back.
I'm not cutting the teacher down; there are just times when a teacher's approach is oil, and the child's response is water. I've personally worked with colleagues to swap students. It wasn't about getting rid of problem children, it was about finding the best fit for each child.
It's easy to explain to 5 year-olds that you, simply, want them to learn some other things before the 1st grade. My parents held my brother back in 4th grade, and, trust me, it was much harder then, because all his school pals, Sunday school pals, and his cousin -- two months younger -- moved ahead without him. On the plus side, he was the first in his class to get a learner's permit and driver's license.
P.S. I've long said that rules that dictate that children of a certain age "should" be in a certain grade -- especially in primary grades -- are silly. Healthy children develop intellectually, emotionally, and socially on their own schedules. A cut-off birthday is silly.
You make an excellent point,
You make an excellent point, not_the_mama. My son will still be 4 when the school year starts and although he mets the birthdate requirement, the principal asked me to consider waiting until next year because "boys traditionally don't do as well as girls!" I was appalled!!!
Now, I should tell you the context in which we had that conversation...I turned in his kingergarden enrollment papers early because he has hypoglycemia and I wanted to make sure they have a solid care plan to help him manage it. When his blood sugar crashes, it is not a pretty sight - he gets very aggressive, inconsolable, and he uses a voice that sounds like he is in pain! When this is happening, it is because he is crashing and getting folks to believe/understand that has been our most difficult challenge.
Something that struck me was your initial comment that he does better in the morning and then slides down hill. My son has always been the same way. And, it wasn't until a year ago that we discovered that he had hypoglycemia. Maybe he's doing better in the morning because you are feeding him a solid breakfast but the lunch they feed him at school isn't sufficient to keep his blood sugar stable.
We did a lot of research and found that it was best to start with your child's doctor and then move to a child psychologist if needed - especially when they are this young.
Here's another thought...the little guy might be really tired, too...they don't get any "real" downtime and naps are non-existent. (Another side effect of hypoglycemia.)
Good luck!
Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She is a business owner, community volunteer, and aspiring runner (whew!), who most enjoys her roles as wife & mom. Her children range in age from 4 to 13.
Why not try a summer school
Why not try a summer school program to help him catch up and give 1st grade a try. If he continues to struggle then consider holding him back. Kindergarten is such basic learning I think he could catch up with a little help over the summer. Especially since it sounds like you think he 's beginning to get it.
Ericka, are you suggesting
Ericka, are you suggesting actually putting him in 1st grade and then yanking him if it's too hard? Kindergarten and 1st grade subject matter isn't all that simple and basic to the children who are learning it.
The fact is that holding him
The fact is that holding him back especially being a twin will be very traumatic for him, especially being a twin. You are putting a stigma on him at 5. From how she's describing it he understands the concepts and just isn't focusing. It also sounds like he CAN focus since he did in the beginning of the year so something changed in the middle possibly the dynamics between the teacher and the student. I would put him through and work with him where I could during the school year if he struggles and try my hardest to not hold him back.
P.S. I also asked my mom who is a teacher and she was VERY surprised the teacher even suggested holding him back.
There have already been a
There have already been a lot of great comments on this topic! I have worked in the public schools as a special education teacher and am now working as a private tutor. I have, during my career, recommended that a child be held back, even in kindergarten, due to maturity issues. In general, if a child's teacher recommends holding them back, I think that kindergarten is the best age to do it, especially is the child is young for their age. However, that being said, this is a special situation, because the child is a twin! Additionally, from your description, it does not sound like a major learning issue, just some difficulty completing morning work. You clearly describe him doing better as the year progressed. This is very common in kindergarten - there is a lot of new situations that a child has to adjust to, and sitting in a classroom all day long is a big adjustment! Kindergarten is the new first grade, and there are a lot of expectations that some children have difficulty meeting.
Based on what you have said, I would recommend moving him forward to 1st grade. There are many things that can be done to help keep a child focused during the school day. What is distracting him? Is it the room? Other children? His own internal thoughts and day dreams? Once you have determined why he is having difficulty, you can then work with him to develop strategies to improve in this area. As many other people have stated, I would recommend a summer program, and possibly tutoring next year so that he stays on top of his school work. If he continues to have difficulty next year, then you can consider holding him back then. I think, as a twin, that the detriment to being a year behind would be great, and something he would feel and have to explain to others his whole childhood. I think the effect on his self-esteem would not counter the benefits of repeating kindergarten.
If you need more information, please feel free to contact me - Debra at 602-578-3687 or Debra@SharpenUpTutoring.com
Debra
602-578-3687
www.SharpenUpTutoring.com