hi I'm a mom of 4 bio kids and a step daughter. just this last month i have been having issues with my 2 young sons ages 3 and 4. the issues i have been having is how or what would lead two small boys to preform sexual gay acts....... i was assulted in may of 07 and the guy that assulted me was an old friend that is known to be gay. the thing is when my 4 yr old was only 2 this man watched my son for about an hour we dint think anything of it until the assult trial started then his name was brought up in everyday conversation alot. my fear is that something happened to my son when he watched him and the recent issues with his name brought up caused a trigger. i am scared to call cps or take my children to a counclor about this issue due to past cps cases of false reports. if someone anyone could help in any way or give me any suggestions please do so thank you for your time
Can you try and talk with
Can you try and talk with your 4 year old (since he's older of the two and might be easier to communicate with) and ask him questions like, did you see anyone else doing that, who showed you that ... easy questions that would have one word answers rather than a question that might require a lengthy or more involved response that he might not be able to figure out how to communicate to you. Maybe if you asked him simple questions like that you might be able to get some idea out of him about if he's seen someone he knows do that before or who he's seen do that before. That's a VERY tough thing to deal with, but I really wouldn't just let it go as it's very important that it's dealt with.
So sorry you're having to deal with this :(
You may not want to hear
You may not want to hear this, but I doubt that boys that young would even know of such a thing without having been exposed to it in some way. Being a gay man doesn't make someone more likely to be a pedophile, but sex crimes are about power and since this man has assaulted you, you know he's probably capable of it.
I would gently probe for information, reassuring them that they have done nothing wrong and they are safe......and once you get any kind of confirmation. I would call the police. You cannot sit on this or sweep it under the rug because you are afraid of CPS....if your children have been victimized then you need to seek justice for them, and you need to get them some help.
I think Katy1999 offers some
I think Katy1999 offers some really good advice. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you are able to find the answers you are searching for.
Thanks, Lara. Just based on
Thanks, Lara.
Just based on my own experience....if there has been any kind of sexual abuse, ignoring a situation like this does not make it go away, nor do children just forget about things like this and move on......and eventually there will be resentment toward the parent or caregiver who didn't do anything about what happened. It has taken me a long time to forgive my mom for not helping me and not standing up for us.
I am not trying to get on anyone's case or make them feel guilty, just underscoring the point that no matter how uncomfortable or scary this may be, the mom has to deal with it head on.
Not to sound stupid, but are
Not to sound stupid, but are you sure the intent is sexual and not just comical or silliness? Are they actually performing acts or just rolling around naked or touching and kissing each other. The first is knowledge beyond what they should be interested in, but the next two are not crazy out of line.
I can't imagine that a man could get much abuse done with a 2 year old in one hour, one time, without it being something that you'd notice, redness,etc. I wouldn't think that any two years old would cooperate with touching, or more in such a short time, but I guess it isn't out of the question, although I do think it is unlikely.
What do you think about calling a sexual abuse hotline and just seeing what they have to say? The number I found on line is 800 541-5781 for Phoenix , but I don't know the organization. or Child Abuse National Hotline
1-800-252-2873, 1-800-25ABUSE
One thing is they might be hearing details about your assault and incorporating those?? This of course is all speculation based on the little information, but my first impulse, not actually seeing or knowing what they did is to wonder if they aren't just being silly. Adults see things through adult eyes and make things sexual sometimes when it isn't there sometimes. I HOPE that is the case for you! Good luck!
Another concern is that it isn't the guy you think, but possibly someone else is introducing them to these concepts??? Just speculation again, but I didn't see what they are doing. Again, good luck.
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
"I can't imagine that a man
"I can't imagine that a man could get much abuse done with a 2 year old in one hour, one time, without it being something that you'd notice, redness,etc. I wouldn't think that any two years old would cooperate with touching, or more in such a short time, but I guess it isn't out of the question, although I do think it is unlikely"
I have to disagree - an hour is probably plenty of time.....and it would not always leave visible evidence, depending on the act, and if she didn't know anything had happened at the time, she wouldn't have examined the child closely enough right afterward to see these visual clues......and the child may not have known this was wrong so they complied, or they could have been coerced into it, pedophiles are masters of manipulation and they never believe they are doing anything wrong, so they can present it as something fun and pleasurable....even if the child was only exposed to a sex act visually, such as viewing pornography or seeing two adults engaged in an explicit act- I still consider that to be abuse. I do agree that without knowing in detail what the kids were doing (i.e. kissing and rolling around as you say, or actually modeling oral sex - which is something they wouldn't know of unless they saw it or participated in it) it is hard to judge the severity, but it definitely warrants further examination.
I think that she needs to get to the bottom of this in any case - and if it isn't the guy who assaulted her, maybe it is someone else, and that person needs to be identified and proscecuted.
I wanted to say thank you
I wanted to say thank you for the comments... the issues i had been facing were my 3 yr old licking his brothers but and also trying to stick his pee pee in his brothers but...... i understand there are many forms of abuse and the assult that took place was physical not sexual if that helps any....my children never started this until this mans name kept comming up and he kept serving us with court papers and stuff... i have asked my boys where they saw this from and who taught it to them as well as my mother in law and sister in law my husband and i only get shrugging of the shoulders or i dont know....... when my mother in law and sister in law ask them they say mommy showed them when i ask them sometimes i get daddy showed them and that is why the fear of cps comes in because they dont know where they learned it from so they say mommy or daddy because we are the only ones they are with on a normal day....... we have made new rules since this has happened... they are no longer allowed to see underware of their sibbling at all... they no longer take baths together... and mostly they are no longer allowed to be in their bedroom with the door shut at all again thank you for the help please if you have anything else throw it my way i know i put it out there so i will face what ever comes my way
OK.....I can understand your
OK.....I can understand your reluctance to open yourself up to CPS scrutiny.....I can see where you'd fear being falsely accused.......but.......in my opinion, by separating the boys, etc you may not be addressing the root cause of the situation, and they may feel like they are being punished or have done something wrong.
I feel that the boys would not be modeling that behavior unless they had at the very least seen someone peforming those acts....but who? Please don't be offended, brcause this is in no way a criticism.....but based on the additional detail you provided, I had a thought......is it at all possible that your older son accidentally observed something you and your husband did, maybe when you thought they were asleep....and you may be interpreting their re-enactments as them trying to demonstrate "gay" behavior? I don't mean to be graphic, but there are certain positions that a man and a woman could get into that would fit the description of what you said the boys were doing.That would also explain why they gave different answers of mommy or daddy showed them.....and they are embarrassed and confused about it so they don't know how to explain it. It could be a co-incidence that this all came up around the time of your court case with this other man.
I wonder also if your son would be better able to explain exactly what he saw and who it involved with a counselor who is experienced in working with children? It could be that without realizing it you and your family are asking leading questions? Just food for thought.
Could it just be something
Could it just be something they saw on tv?? Doesn't even have to be two men, maybe a man and woman but young children don't know the difference. Don't want to sound offensive or anything, but maybe even seeing mom and dad. Kids have big imaginations and are just innocent little ones. I really hope all of this is solved and wish you the best.