Selfish Baby Showers

You're entitled to your own opinion, although many may differ. I don't personally think she's being selfish, I don't see anything wrong with having a shower for each child, it's a celebration of the upcoming birth and I feel each child should receive it's own sort of special celebration. Since I'm not sure of the actual circumstances surrounding her shower, but maybe she's not expecting any elaborate gifts or anything and maybe she has plans to use a lot of the existing things she has from the first baby. Maybe people will only bring her diapers or some new onsies, bibs, ect.; little things that tend to get worn out and maybe not in the best condition that might be nice to have some new ones of for the new baby. Has she registered, does she have elaborate things on her registry? Did she plan this herself, or was it planned for her? You can't very likely blame her if it was something that was planned for her, how do you know that she didn't tell the person no I don't want one or I don't think I need one, but the person wanted to still go forward with it because they thought she deserved something special. If you're so opposed to it then just kindly decline the invitation and let it go.

I am with momto1lil1. Every baby deserves a celebration. Many second showers are diaper showers or clothing showers if the second child is of the opposite sex. I have even been to a pamper the mommy shower. How you feel is how you feel, but I think that it is nice to give every new mom(first time or not) a party to celebrate the new addition to her family.

I am with momto1lil1. Every baby deserves a celebration. Many second showers are diaper showers or clothing showers if the second child is of the opposite sex. I have even been to a pamper the mommy shower. How you feel is how you feel, but I think that it is nice to give every new mom(first time or not) a party to celebrate the new addition to her family.

I must disagree with my fellow posters and agree with you, amedin9.

I was always taught that the shower was to celebrate the woman becoming a mother, not to celebrate the specific child. As well as to spread around the cost for the set up of the nursery. Of course, this was practical, not greedy, because at the time, virtually all women expected to become mothers, and you then would be invited to other showers and recriprocate (at least according to my Grandma). So really, it was like paying on the installment plan.

If you don't feel like attending, don't. If you feel bad, offer to take out the MTB to lunch to celebrate. Or even better, offer to watch the 2yr old at strategic times, so she can get some rest before or after the baby is born, or to go to a doctor's appointment, or just so the 2yr old gets some extra attention when all eyes will be focused on the new baby. In my opinion, that's more valuable than more stuff anyway.

I am kind of in the middle on this one. I have had four kids, and have also had 4 baby showers. I did not ask for any of them and I am lucky enough to have friends and family who thought each child deserved their own shower. If the recipient is planning her own shower, then I would have to say she is being selfish and greedy. Each pregnancy and child should be celebrated in some way. It should not be the birth mother or father planning the shower though.
My first was a boy and I received everything under the sun for him, that's typically how it goes. My second was a girl, so I received tons of girly things like dresses and hair bows and pink, pink, pink. My third was a girl and I had everything from my other daughter, so I received things needed like diapers, wipes, new bottles and stuff like that. I never asked for the showers and never even registered for my third and fourth kids, even though there is a five year gap between the last two. It never crossed my mind to reigister.
I just went to my friends shower for her third boy. Even though she has everything from her previous boys, we still love to purchase that one special outfit or blanket for the new one coming into the world. She did not register either. But then again, she did not need the swing, crib bedding, stroller, car seat, etc. like the first baby shower. She received pretty much the basics, but we all had a good time.
I think taking her to lunch is a great idea, watching her two year old or maybe get her something more personal like a robe or nightgown, or even a pregnancy massage.
If she is your friend, you should support her, even if you do not go to her shower. Again, I think it all goes back to who is giving her the shower.

The way I see it -- never having been married and never having given birth -- is that I'd rather send a gift than have to attend the shower. I'm not bitter about never have been "showered", but I don't want to spend the afternoon protecting the clothes pin hanging on my shirt or getting wrapped in toilet paper.

I can't imagine that there are a lot of brides-to-be or a mothers-to-be who don't need something -- especially given that moms-to-be are likely to be looking at at least a few weeks without a paycheck.

I was still in diapers when my sister was born, and my Mom suddenly needed two of everything that cost real money: two highchairs, two cribs, a double stroller, two car seats. Since I was as small for my age as my sister was big, we wore the same sized clothes until junior high. Sharing is a good thing, but not when Mom suffers for it.

If I had Jenna's address, I'd send her a gift for after she stops breastfeeding -- maybe a fine single-malt to celebrate the first evening that both boys have gone to sleep at the same time.

Okay, so who made up these rules? (5 years apart or you are having a different sex from your first child) Its called a baby shower for a reason. You celebrate the birth of a baby. You give the baby things you think will help the mom who is someone close to you. If she is your friend, dont you want to be there for her and celebrate with her? I guess not from reading your post. In "my opinion" i think you are the one being selfish. Its another thing if you just dont want to go, because you think she doesnt need another baby shower, then respecfully decline and be on your merry way.

I'm on the fence about this.

A baby shower is not to celebrate the baby, if that was the case the shower would be held AFTER the baby was born, not before. A baby shower (much like a bridal shower) is to help the new parents who may not have everything they need get started.

I just gave birth to my second child two weeks ago and I did not have a second shower, mainly because I just had my son last year in April and I didn't feel right about asking people to give me more stuff after they'd just done so last year, even though the new baby is a girl. Plus we're perfectly able to afford another baby.

If friends or family WANT to give a shower, more power to them, but I think to demand a shower after every birth is very selfish. If you (general you) can't afford what you need for each child as they come, stop having them. It's not everyone else's job to supply you with everything you need for each child you decide to have.

It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not.

Etiquette is a lost art these days.

I didn't have shower for my second....some friends did give me some gifts, though. And I did appreciate it (and sent thank you cards).

But I wouldn't feel bad about not attending if it bothers you. If for some reason you feel guilty, give her an inexpensive-but-nice frame from Ross. They have tons of nice ones for $10 or less.

So..........did you end up going to the shower? Or sending a gift?

Honestly, reading all of the above posts....I was a bit off-put by your distaste for spoiling someone you call a friend. Isn't pregnancy an exciting time? Why wouldn't you want to be at every happy occasion to honor people you care about?

Happy2BMommy, is a stay-at-home mom who just turned 40 (argh!) with a 6 yr. old daughter and a 4 yr. old son, and is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Scottsdale.