One of my guilty pleasures is reading the "Dear Abby" column in the paper. Today someone wrote about guests taking home gifts they had brought to the hostess. I thought this was interesting and wondered if this had ever happened to you. Or, do you think it's appropriate to take back something (like a bottle of wine) that wasn't used by the hostess during the evening? We once had a guest that came for a holiday dinner who took back the bottle of wine we did not drink during the evening. I thought it was odd - I believe a hostess gift is a gift that shouldn't be taken back. But I wonder how other people feel?
Lattemom is the mother of three energetic kids ages 6, 8 & 11 and a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com.
That's a good question ---
That's a good question --- I've never really thought about it before!
I suppose if the item is brought with the understanding that it would be consumed that evening, and it wasn't, it's understandable that the 'donor' would reclaim it. But if the item is a 'hey, thanks for having us over!' gift, then it seems rather tacky to grab it on the way out the door!
New to AZ --- still working out the kinks!
I do think it depends on the
I do think it depends on the idea behind the "gift". If I present something to the hostess as a thank you for having us, I wouldn't dream of taking it back! However, if I was at a potluck, and my food wasn't eaten, I would probably take it home. (Although I usually ask the hostess if she would like it keep it.) It really depends on the situation.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
I think a hostess gift is
I think a hostess gift is just that, a gift that you've brought with the intention of it being a gift for the hostess. The only time I would think it's okay to take something back or home with you is if you said well I'll bring a bottle of wine, and someone else said well I'll bring this or that ... kind of like a potluck type event .... but a hostess gift should be just as it's stated a gift for the hostess. I think it would be really rude to take something back you brought that was not used. If you bring a gift and 10 other people bring the same gift, chances are they will not all be used or consumed in one setting and should be left since you brought it intending it to be gift. Would you take back a Birthday gift because it wasn't opened by the time you left the party?
The only time I've ever
The only time I've ever taken back a bottle of wine I brought over was because the friend sent me back with it. We drank half of it. I assumed she didn't like, that's why she gave it to me. Otherwise, if I bring wine, even if it's not opened, I wouldn't dare ask for it back. It just seems rude.
A hostess gift shouldn't be taken back, but maybe there is confusion on what is a hostess gift and what is sharing food in a potluck??
If you bring a bottle of wine, think of it as a hostess gift. If you bring a salad, then ask for your dish and if the hostess suggest to take everything back that's when you take it back. But ask first.
Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.
I agree with you all - I
I agree with you all - I would never take back a gift I brought the hostess. Its just plain rude. However, if its a potluck and you brought a meal then surely offer the food up left on the plate and take your dish - however ask the hostess if she wants the food left on the dish. However, if I went to a potluck and brought wine - I think I'd just leave it. When it comes to wines - I just like others to enjoy a nice bottle of wine (even if a potluck). Just a way of saying thank you, even if not opened.
LisaMommy is a 38 year old discussion leader for arizonamoms.com from the Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area. Her two boys are ages 8 months and 3 years old.
I agree - hostess gift or
I agree - hostess gift or potluck item - it should be left. I will confess to picking up unused Tostito Scoops at any given opportunity because although I do not buy them at home, I will bring them to potlucks (go figure).
Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She is a business owner, community activist and an aspiring runner (whew!), who most enjoys her roles as wife & mom. Her children range in age from 4 to 13.
I have never opened a bottle
I have never opened a bottle of wine brought to me as a hostess gift - while the guest is there for that meal.
A gift is a gift. But more importantly, the white is often presented not chilled, the red or the white might not go with the meal, etc.
As the hostess, I have planned out my meal. I serve what goes with it.
Sames goes with flowers.
I have repeatedly read to NEVER bring a hostess a bunch of fresh flowers - that requires her to stop everything she rushing about to complete and spend 30 minutes dealing with the additional project you just gave her (trimming, arranging, finding a vase, stirring the flower food, etc.).
Bring them in a vase, or far far far better....send them the day before, so that she can set them out as part of the decorations for the event, or, of course, send afterwards, as a thank you.
Happy2BMommy, is a stay-at-home mom who just turned 40 (argh!) with a 6 yr. old daughter and a 5 yr. old son, and is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Scottsdale.
I know some people that take
I know some people that take back things and I know it is not appreciated. It is a gift. You do not take back a gift. We have been offered to take back our gift and I always refuse. I feel the hostess is just being nice. I think it is rude to take it.
KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.
Hostess gifts always stay
Hostess gifts always stay with the hostess (or host).
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 7 and 3.
I agree about the food
I agree about the food brought to someone's house - if the hostess has enough and doesn't want what's left I would definitely take it back. I would not take back wine, as our guest did in this case. I agree, I carefully plan a meal, wine & all, and would be happy to keep the wine brought by the guest for another occasion.
I chuckled about not bringing fresh flowers to dinner. Many times we've had guests bring fresh flowers as a hostess gift. As nice a gesture as it is, it's so difficult cutting & arranging those things when you're so busy trying to get dinner on the table. I'd never bring fresh flowers as a hostess gift (though maybe I'd bring a plant).
Lattemom is the mother of three energetic kids ages 6, 8 & 11 and a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com.
When I bring a gift for the
When I bring a gift for the host/hostess, it stays there. If it's not used that night, it's ok, I'm sure they'll use some other time.
jesshod is an arizonamoms.com discussion leader living in Surprise.