Cancer - Seems like everyone has this disease

I just read some of your comments regarding a similar situation on this website. I'll look into a cleaning service or perhaps getting friends to join me and clean their house while they're at a doctor's appt. or something like that.

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azpond is a discussion leader for arizonamoms and mother of two.

I think the best thing you can do is keep being you. Offer something specific to help if you want to whether it is babysitting, cleaning, cooking, shopping, errands or whatever. Sometimes when someone close to you is really sick all you ever think about or talk about is their illness. It can be really good to have at least one friend who doesnt put any pressure on you to talk about it. I know that when I lost my husband (it wasn't through cancer, illness or disease) I kept reliving that day and couldnt find my way out. I had only one good friend who provided "normal" things for me to do without having to talk about anything in particular. She would call and invite me out to dinner, coffee, a movie, whatever and sometimes we wouldnt talk about it at all, other times I would bring it up. She just let me be me and talk about it if I wanted to and if I didnt want to that was okay. She just continued to be her and I love her for being the only "normal" person who allowed me to be "normal" too.

NB - my reference to "normal" in this context doesn't mean I think people with cancer aren't normal. It's not meant to be offensive to anyone, simply a way to say that sometimes when your world is crumbling you need somewhere and someone you can go to and just be who you were before everything fell apart.

A friend of mine lost her husband several years ago. During his illness I would call or if I saw her at church I would ask if I could do anything or if there was anything they needed, the answer was always a polite no, but she would let me know.

A while after the husband passed, my friend spoke to our women's group at church. I'll never forget how grateful she said she was for all the "well wishers" but mostly for those who just did/planned things. She said people would just show up and do yard work/leave meals/etc. She had said that she knew all she had to do was ask but that she was so overwhelmed she didn't realize what she needed to ask for.

So I agree with the above posts, just be specific and even give a date and time you will do something. It would be better for them to tell you that's a bad time than have to think of a need.

Keep your sunny disposition, that alone may be all your friend needs.

I am certain that it means the world to them that you care. I think if you ask them what they need they will let you know.

Good luck to you and your friends.

This might seem like an odd choice of recommended reading in this case, but get The Secret if you haven't read it. It's all about the law of attraction and positive thinking. It really helps me when times are tough. Sorry to hear about you news and I believe they will have a positive outcome!

When my godmother was dying of cancer, I had a gift of one last visit with her. That was an honor, because there were legions of people who loved her (she was an amazing middle-school teacher, priest's wife, and mentor to so many), and she wanted me to be able to say goodnight.

The one thing we always had was the freedom to always say exactly what was on our minds. She told me that it was so nice not to have to put on a face around me; she could tell me that she felt like poop, that she was mad she'd spent so much money on treatment that didn't work, that she'd be ticked off if my godfather let all her plants die, and how frustrated she was that she couldn't always find the words she wanted (she was a quick wit).

I'll hope and pray that your friends can beat it. I think that the best gift is to just show up with a smile on your face and an attitude that says, "So, talk to me while I do the dishes."

If there are kids, another thing you can do is show up for them. If Charlie has a ball game, and Mom can't be there, be there in her stead.

Bless you for caring. We need a little more of that.