I had lunch today with a few friends. One of the ladies we haven't seen in a while - i will call her Tina. Tina and I arrived at the restaurant first and after hugs and hellos, she reminded me not to say anything about her going through IVF to conceive. Said she never discussed that with the other ladies. I said "ok, it's no one's business." and we never mentioned it again.
I am not sure why it's such a hush hush situation, but i will respect my friend and our friendship and not say anything. I feel if my friend or anyone else who has IVF wants to share this information, it's their choice. I will say my friend shared so much information with me while she was going through the process and and i was (and still am) amazed out how much women (and their spouses) go through who have IVF. I know the entire process has been a roller coaster ride for her, because i went through her two miscarriages with her. She tells me so much, except for why she doesn't want others to know about the treatments. So, I am just curious why, but don't really feel now is the time to ask her since she is starting IVF treatments again.
Many years ago i had another friend who had IVF (i had no idea she was going through IVF at the time) and she carried 4 embryos and lost two. She was hesitant to discuss this with others for fear if she chose to terminate two of the embryos, people who judge her for ending lives. I never asked her either and many years later we were talking and she told me about the treatments and that she lost the two of the four embryos naturally.
With that said, i can relate to someone who wants to get pregnant and has difficulty getting pregnant. I didn't need any special treatments in order to get pregnant. But i will say it took us almost 2 years to get pregnant and some tests to make sure all our parts were working. I use to joke with my husband that the Health teacher said "it only takes one time of unprotected sex for you to get pregnant." That definitely was not the case for us.
Just wondering if others who have had IVF shared their experience with others or did not share their experience with others? Any why?
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
I also have a friend who has
I also have a friend who has done IVF. She and her husband have spent a ton of money trying to get pregnant. The finally did conceive naturally (it turned out that endometriosis was the culprit).
Now they want another baby and although she had another procedure to take care of the endometriosis, it isn't happening. So they are on the IVF wagon again. She is also hesitant for people to know and I think money is the reason. The treatments are SO expensive and I think they feel they will be harshly judged for how they choose to spend it. especially when you think they could just spend that money in adoption.
Adoption is wonderful, but couples need to come to that conclusion on their own. It is a hard thing to give up on having your own baby,
sure, fine, whatever
I have no experience with
I have no experience with IVF myself, but I watced a program on the Discovery channel about it. A woman who was going through it said that she didn't want people to know at first because she felt like a "failure" as a woman because she couldn't get pregnant the "normal" way and was embarrassed by it. She said that it took her doctor explaining that it happens to a lot of other couples for her to realize she wasn't a failure, but very normal. Once she got over that fear of being seen as a failure, she wanted to share her story with anyone who would listen.
♥ "LIFE AIN'T ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL, BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL RIDE" ♥--Gary Alan
Many people are against IVF
Many people are against IVF and like to share those opinions with the people that are going through it. That might be one of the reasons she doesn't want to share.
Paz
how sad, guess i never
how sad, guess i never thought about feeling like a "failure". Would love to see that episode on Discovery channel.
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
I went through one round of
I went through one round of IVF and I shared it with close friends and family but not my work friends. One of the reasons is because not everyone agrees with the process of creating and possibly disposing of embryos not needed. I did not want any negativity during the process. Also, it just makes it harder to tell everyone if it did not result with a pregnancy (like my case). It is kind of like having a miscarriage after you told everyone you knew that you were pregnant. You feel a lot of pressure to get pregnant and then it is a huge let down emotionally and financially when it does not work. It is a hard thing to hide because there is so much involved. Good luck to your friend.
very good points as well.
very good points as well.
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
A friend of mine went
A friend of mine went through IVF and did tell anyone and everyone because she was so excited by her increased chances of having a baby. She regretted it because she felt like after she told people they were feeling pity for her which she didnt want or need.
As has been said before the ride is such a rollercoaster of emotions that the last thing you need is everyone saying "Oh isn't it awful that you need to go through this, so is it yours or your husbands fault, how are you, so sorry that you lost ANOTHER baby, never mind I'm sure you have other babies on ice somewhere, how many times will you do this?" or whatever other comment they make that probably comes from a good place but hurts the person going through IVF. People just dont always think before they say something, they aren't bad people just a little clueless sometimes.
It was only family and close friends that didnt judge or throw a pity party everytime they saw her and her husband. Dont even get me started on the comments her husband had to listen to!
In a straight relationship,
In a straight relationship, I think that both men and women have a intrinsic desire to have children, and, when the cards don't fall that way, one or both of them feel like they let the other down. It's a little embarrassing to have to get outside help. It shouldn't be, but it is.
My 8 month old twins were
My 8 month old twins were conceived via IVF. I am not ashamed or embarassed at all to tell people that. Everyone knows. It's amazing how perfect strangers think it's their business as well. People always ask me if they are "natural". Um no, they're artificial, but they look so lifelike, don't they? Anyway, I have no problem telling people that I went through IVF to conceive my beautiful babies, but I'm not a secretive person in the least. I'm proud of what I went through and I have helped a lot of people by sharing my experiences.
Lots of people are against fertility treatments, especially IVF because it "goes against God's plan". I've met a few people like that and I just tell them to go fly a kite, but with much more colorful language. I've never understood why people choose to hide it, but I guess they don't want their children to be looked at any differently or have themselves pitied. Remember, IVF kids are "test tube babies" and a large portion of the public isn't very educated about the process. I wish more women could shout it from the rooftops because IVF is a wonderful thing!
Amen. I believe that God
Amen. I believe that God gives life, and if S/He objected to extraordinary means to conceive, they wouldn't work. Every child is a gift.
No too sure why she wouldn't
No too sure why she wouldn't want to share that information but very glad you respected her wishes. Perhaps she is closer to you then the other girls. I know I have a few friends that know more about me than others. It's a very personal situation.
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
The only way we can have
The only way we can have another child is through invitro and when asked if we are having more kids and I tell them the only way is through invitro and we are considering it I get back in response, why don't we adopt, there are so many kids that need a home, isn't it expensive, how many embryos, more kids you already have four.... etc. Very personal questions, so I would rather not tell either. I don't want to feel like I have to explain the choices we make for our family. Maybe the other friends have made comments in general before about invitro so she knows how they feel about it and rather not be questioned for her choice.
Jennifer is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com and mommy to four beautiful girls who range from 9 to 4 years of age.
Thanks for all the
Thanks for all the feedback!!
The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.
~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
ANY ADVISE FOR SOMEONE WHO
ANY ADVISE FOR SOMEONE WHO IS CONSIDERING IVF , MOM OF 2 WHO WANT ANOTHER
A PEORIA MOM & MASSAGE THERAPIST