I totally need to vent. About 2 weeks ago my husband blurted out at my son's b-day party that we were trying to have another baby. While I loved my husbands enthusiam for doing this, I wish now he wouldn't had said anything. My parents were there for the party and both of them freaked completely out that we were "trying," (and not in the good way). After talking to my mom (and thinking that the situation was nuetralized) my dad called me today at work and proceeded to tell me that this was the "worst idea in the world." I'm completely hurt by this. True my husband and I have 5 kids together (he has 3, I have 2) but we have considered that into the mix. 1. His girls are only with us every other weekend. 2. Our oldest 2 will be almost done with school before the baby starts school (they will be juniors in high school). 3. College funds have been set up and scholarships and grants will be sought after for all kids who choose college. We also have discussed financially what will be given up by doing this. This wasn't something that either of us woke up and said, "hey, let's have another baby" we thought about it, discussed it, weighed out options and made sure we planned out a strategy for about 2 1/2 months before I even went off birth control (which has only been about 3 weeks now). And some of the questions being asked is about why we are choosing to have one, and about our retirement plans (if I have one set up) and other really personal things (like money and what about the fact that we won't be able to enjoy our life). I've also been told that 30 is too old to have another baby and had it pointed out that I'll be about 49 when this child is 18...is that old??? I still plan on being fully active, working and enjoying my life then. Has anyone else ever gone through this and how did you handle?
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
sounds like you and your
sounds like you and your husband have put lots of thought into this. honestly, i see it as your choice. Unless of course you are constantly turning to your parents for financial support. then maybe, its not such a good idea.
I was 35 when my one and only child was born, so i personally do not think 35 is too old to have a baby. I know at 25, i was not ready emotionally or financially to have a baby.
I think times have changed and personally, i like the fact that women are waiting to have children. Not that there is anything wrong with having children earlier if you (meaning people in general) feel you are ready for the responsibilities that come along with being a parent.
just~me
I'm sorry they reacted this
I'm sorry they reacted this way. Having kids is a sacrifice, but so worth it. If you guys feel good about it, go for it. The grandparents will love that baby when it comes.
Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.
Gosh, I hope 30 isn't too
Gosh, I hope 30 isn't too old to have a baby. I will be 32 and I have 2 year old and we want TWO MORE! I say that you go with your gut. Sounds like you two have had some great discussions and it isn't like you have been raising children for some time now. I am so glad that I chose not to have children until now because I got to do so much with my life before then(not to say I wouldn't have been happy had children blessed me before then)! Good Luck to you and your husband. This will be a lucky baby:)
30 is not to old at all to
30 is not to old at all to have a baby. You and your husband have talked about it and you have other kids so you know what it takes financially and emotionally to raise a child. I say go for it but find out why they think it is the "worst idea in the world"
OK, first off, smack your
OK, first off, smack your husband upside the head for spilling the beans. Not hard of course, LOL.
It is entirely within your right to have a large family if you want one, large families are great. (small families are great, families in general are great !)
Your parents reaction isn't all that uncommon, and they need to realize it's not really any of their business. Calmly and firmly explain that you've put a lot of thought into this, and you're not going into this niavely. Then thank them for their concern, and state firmly that the matter is closed for discussion.
30 is NOT too old to be having kids. I was advised by friends, family, and my OB not to have children BEFORE I turned 30. My son was born when I was 31 and my next son will be born when I am 34. I was 24 when I married, so I didn't marry "late" either. 49 is not old, 75 is old. I have a sister 12yrs younger than I am, and my parents and all of my friends parents were the same age growing up. But guess what, my parents were the same age as all my sister's friends parents when she was growing up. Meaning that in the years between me and my sister, it became increasingly acceptible to put off having kids until you reached your 30s (my Mom was 33 when my sister was born).
My son goes to pre-school, and most of the parents are the same age as me, so you won't be the "old" parents that you know.
Enjoy the sex and don't worry about it.
You and your husband must
You and your husband must make the decision as to whether or not you want to add to your family and no one else should be involved. Personally, I would not discuss the decision with anyone other than my husband. You know your financial obligations. You understand what scarifices must be made for your children. If the two people who have to care for the child (and your other children) are not concerned about it, why should others be?
You can respectfully decline to have the conversation with your parents as you are an adult. You do not owe them an explaination as to why you are having another child.
"The Lord is great and greatly to be praised." Ps 96:4
30 too old to have a baby?
30 too old to have a baby? Are you kidding? More and more women are waiting until their 30's to have kids. I was not even ready for a baby in my 20's, god forbid if I did have one. My ob/gyn told me 25% of his patients that are pregnant are in their 30's.
I am going to be 36 in 2 months and I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant with number 2, and probably the last. My husband will be 41. We plan on living long healthy lives for our kids.
DD 3 years old brand new baby Luke David born 6/9/08 9lb 1oz 21 1/2 inches long
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your words. I feel much better getting some other insight and reassurance that I'm not doing the "worst thing in the world." I have tons of friends that are my age with kids that are my kids ages...in all honesty we are all divorced by their dads. I also didn't think that 30 was old I was just suprised to think someone else did. I thought that waiting till I was 30 was smart because financially I'm better off, emotionally my kids are better off (I can give each independent care and attention) and I thought that they would all jump for joy! I'm going to just keep quiet about the whole thing and make my husband as well and then once I am, celebrate. If the are still negative then, I will just stay away and use the whole, "all this negative talk isn't good for me or the baby." I will say this, this time around I'm reading baby books, taking prenatal pills, eating healthier, excersizing and all the other "before" things I never did with the other 2.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
I have a few thoughts.
I have a few thoughts. First, I am 32 and have not yet had my first child. At 25, I was emotionally and financially not ready for parenthood. It's true that certain pregnancy-related risks can increase starting at age 35, but 30 seems optimal to me!
Second, your husband should not have announced your intentions to anyone, even family, until you had discussed doing so. So he owes you an apology and some flowers. Or some housework, whichever you prefer.
Lastly, I am concerned that your families seem so unsupportive. A child is a blessing, and unless there are circumstances you've not mentioned such as you're living in a van down by the river or addicted to drugs, everyone should at least be gracious enough to ACT happy for you. I hope once the baby arrives they can forget they once thought he or she was a bad idea.
Best wishes!
Beth
I had both my kids before I
I had both my kids before I was 25 and yes it was a huge financial and emotional struggle. I said (alot) after my daughter that I would never have another child. So, I definitely am thankful that at 30 I make a ton more money, have complete job security (my boss knows I'm trying to conceive and has given the green light that I will not lose my job if and when or after I am) and am emotionally at a much better place to handle the ups and downs of pregnancy and baby (I'm much more mature than I was then).
My husband has gotten a few choice words the last couple of days and has apologized. In his defense, he's completely excited that we are going to try and have another child. However, I have told him from this moment on to shut it lol...Oh and him hearing me crying this am after the phone call pretty much broke his heart so I think it's safe to say, he will keep it on the quiet side.
On you last comment, I was completely shocked my parents reacted this way and no there is no hidden issues in my life. Here's my low down...30, mother of 2, step-mom to 3, makes about $25K more than I did when I was pregnant with my youngest, lives in a 3 bedroom (w/den) house, 2007 car, I'm a homebody (my partying days were over about 2 - 3 years ago), I don't smoke or do drugs, I did drink occasionally but have stopped since it's bad to do while trying to conceive. I love my kids, attend conferences, help with homework and do quality things with them (KBF next weekend before I get pg). I think that's why the call upset me so much (and I'm talking I was full on crying at my desk).
I hope you're right although I will say this, I think if they aren't ok when our new arrival is here, it will be their loss.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
They called you at work to
They called you at work to tell you that???? Totally not cool....
My mom had my sister when she was 41 and my sister is just in college. I know my parents haven't regretted that decision....
Tell your parents that if they don't shape up, you'll name the baby after the grandparents that LOVE him or her. :)
lol...very funny you mention
lol...very funny you mention that...either way we are naming the baby after my husband's side...so far we are think Natalie Kay or Katelynn Kay and for a boy Nathan Carroll...
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
My family is sort of like
My family is sort of like this when I say I want another one... I have 3 now... I think that if you and your husband want another baby then you should have another baby... 30 is not old at all to have a baby. Unless you are living with your parents and they are paying your bills (which I hope not) then it's really not their place to say anything...
Elizabeth is a discussion leader for arizonamoms she writes about everything from her needing mommy advice to crazy and silly stuff that happens. She lives in the West Valley with her husband and 3 children.
To old to have children?? I
To old to have children?? I would think the debate could be about being to young to have children :)
I was 36 when I had my first and 40 with my last. Age is not everything. I think you and your husband sound like you have thought everything out. I wish you lots of success in adding to your family. Sorry that your parents don't feel the same way. They love you and change can be scary - for everyone.
KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.
It sounds like you & your
It sounds like you & your husband are great parents and you're perfectly equipped (emotionally & financially) to add another child to the family. How large your family is is entirely YOUR business, and no one else's (I know how difficult it is when parents express their disapproval in these things, but really, it isn't their business.) What is it about big families these days that draw such negative comments from people? We have three children, and the first two times I was pregnant friends & family were thrilled for us. But when I became pregnant the third time, attitudes really changed. It seems like having 1 or 2 kids has become society's norm.
Lattemom is the mother of three energetic kids ages 6, 8 & 11 and a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com.
I agree with that
I agree with that completely...My first two were blessed events even though I was young and unmarried with the first one. Now that I'm 30, well established, married to a fantastic person people look at me as though I have the plague when I say I want to have another one. I will say that if our 3 others lived with us full time, I'd probably think I was nuts and couldn't do it.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."