Is anyone familiar with this happening? A friend was told at an early ultrasound that she was expecting twins. I have no details of what was discussed at subsequent ultrasounds or appointments, but she went into her C-section expecting to bring home 2 babies, but only one was present. I've heard of one twin "absorbing" another, but I though this kind of thing would have been discovered at some point during the pregnancy, with today's technology and more frequent ultrasounds. Has anyone experienced or heard of this? I'm also struggling with what to say after such a clearly sad and disappointing development (while obviously still celebrating the baby that survived.)
How horribly sad. And not
How horribly sad. And not to know of this before the c-section. What a range of emotions your friend must be experiencing. Don't be worried about what to say (really, what can you say to make someone feel better when something like this happens?). Just be there for your friend. She probably just needs that support right now more than anything else.
Lattemom is the mother of three energetic kids ages 6, 8 & 12 and a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com.
The words to say: "It is
The words to say:
"It is okay to grieve for the loss of your son while you rejoice in the birth of your daughter" A friend said something like that to me. It was the right thing for me. My situation was not exactly the same. I knew Twin B was not developing at same rate as Twin A. Twin B died in utero - we didn't hear the heartbeat during a checkup. Twin A decided to be born the next day (8 weeks early). She spent a month in the NICU. I needed to know it was okay to cry for him and it didn't mean I loved them differently. As a good friend one needs to be there to listen, offer to help in any way, and not ask a lot of questions but be willing to listen. It has been several years and it is certainly not as intense as it was but sometimes it is still difficult. There are support groups for people with a surviving twin.
Oh, how strange and how sad!
Oh, how strange and how sad! When I was pregnant with my twins I read about it happening in the early stages, but not at the point of delivery. I agree that it seems like ultrasounds should have been able to detect any changes that were this drastic. Seems like my babies were being measured and monitored on a weekly basis from about 35 weeks forward, and monthly before that but I was AMA (advanced Maternal Age).
I think people should recognize that she lost a baby with a simple sentance like "I am so sorry about the baby you lost, but I am very happy that you and ___________ are doing well."
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
Wow, that is strange. I,
Wow, that is strange. I, too, have heard of this happening early on in pregnancy, but never to find out at delivery. I honestly don't see how that is possible. I had a very healthy, uneventful twin pregnancy and had an ultrasound at every OB visit. They always checked both heartbeats. I also saw a perinatologist several times where they would measure both twins for growth. I believe that is the norm for a twin pregnancy. Did she have an early c-saection or was she close to term? Sounds like some doctors dropped the ball here. I can't imagine how your friend must be feeling. Like lovemy4 said, express sympathy for the twin that was lost, but how happy you are that your friend and her baby are doing well and are healthy. As sad as the situation may be, any baby is a cause for celebration!
This happened to a co-worker
This happened to a co-worker of mine but he and his wife found out from the doctor well before it was time to give birth - ultrasounds showed that one of the fetuses (sp?) had stopped growing, developing, etc. I can't imagine it could get this far without the doctor knowing.
You should definately celebrate the birth of the new baby with a gift or whatever you were planning, but I think also acknowledge the death in a private conversation or with an appropriate card.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 7 and 3.
That is odd. A friend of
That is odd. A friend of mine lost a twin too, they called it a "vanishing twin", where one baby absorbs the other in order to survive. However, I do find it strange she didn't know until delivery. Perhaps they thought one twin was hiding behind the other one? I question her doctor. Thank God she did bring home one healthy baby. I'm so sorry for her loss.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
I agree that it is commonly
I agree that it is commonly heard that this occurs in the early stages of pregnancy, but by the time of delivery it rarely is noted that late in the stage. I feel for your friend - I think just being empathetic to her and hearing her out is the best you can do as a friend. I'm sure it is a sad, but happy time (mixed emotions) for her.
LisaMommy is a 38 year old discussion leader for arizonamoms.com from the Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area. Her two boys are ages 9 months and 3 years old.