Boys will be boys....

Hi, Tammy -
I am an older mom, too. I grew up with all girls so having 2 boys was a big adjustment.

Is there something in particular that you are interested in disussing?

Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. Her children range in age from 4 to 13.

I know that my mom raised 2 boys and me on her own. She was tough when it came to the discipline but fun and fair too.
She would write out the chores that needed to be done and I assume they got done. We knew not to cross her, but she was loving and always there for us when we needed her.
I hope to raise my son the same way. I want to be fair and very loving, but have high expectations for him too. My mom always said, "you can be yourselves at home, but when we go out in public, you better act like you have some manners,"
and we knew she meant it too. She didn't think twice about turning the car around and heading back home if we got out of line.
Showing love, fairness, discipline, and being a good role model is about all you can do. Give them chores to teach them responsibility, and show them lots of love, so they will learn love instead of hate.

DHC

Hi Tammy,
I have 2 boys of my own, ages 8 years and 15 months, plus a 16 year old stepson. What I have learned is that "boys will be boys" is just an adage. Not one of my children, including my 5 year old daughter, fits any mold. My 16 year old step son was stubborn, defiant and difficult to handle until he became a teenager, now he is fun, considerate and responsible. My 8 year old is sensitive, compassionate and loving -- despite the fact that he doesn't want his friend to see him hugging his mom -- he thrives on affection. I think that your three points of patience, tolerance and persistence are the things all kids - boys or girls - require. But understanding how each child is different and what works best with them is my greatest challenge.

One thing that really works well for us trying to balance the needs of 4 very different kids is this: my husband and I each make time every week to do something alone with each child. Sometimes that means putting the 5 year old to bed early so the 8 year old can have a half hour alone with dad to play chess. Sometimes I take the 5 year old shopping with me so we can have some girl time. And with little ones, just playing one on one with them for a few minutes is golden. If there is one thing that makes a kid know they are loved and important to you, it's being the sole focus of your attention even if just for a few minutes. Boys or girls, they need to know EVERY day how much you love them.

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts, too.

Susan & Neil Hampton have three spectacular children, Alexander, Isabel and David, plus one amazing teenager, Eric. Susan does community outreach for arizonamoms.com.
“In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” - Margaret Atwood

I am a mom of 4 boys ages 17, 15, 7 & going to be 5 this week. One of the biggest things that has stuck in my head was when Susan Sarandon had a son at an "older" age and remarked that she had to get in shape just to keep up with him. I am 45 and totally understand what she means. To raise boys, we, as parents, have to be active, alert and disciplined. I've had to start playing soccer again to coach my little ones and help my older one coach too. I have to run around the block with them while they learn to ride their bikes and scooters. I have to put in marathon days to be there when the little ones get up around 6am and when the older ones go to bed around 11pm. So, I think being able to keep up with them is the first challenge.

In raising my older ones, we've made sure that we talk to our kids and that they can talk to us. In fact, one of my sons talks more than his girlfriend does! There's some role reversal! A great time to talk to boys is when you're driving them to a doctor's appointment. They can look out of the window and you can keep on driving. Get them used to doing that now so that when the time comes, and it's here for your 13 year old, your kids can talk to you when they need to.

Then there's STRUCTURE!!! Boys need structure! They have to know the rules and the consequences and they both have to be inforced with regularity. Charts and contracts work wonders for boys.

Finally, boys need to be cuddled and read to and played with like little girls need to play in the mud and roughhouse. I don't know if this is good or bad, but my boys, even the 17 year old, are still attached to my hips. It's what I love about boys the most...the way the run around like crazy people and then grab a favorite stuffed animal and will cuddle. GEEZ, they're so cute!!!