I really like this forum and i have received so much great advice from so many people.
However, it saddened me to read the post "cribs" where a mom was asking for feedback and she felt thrown under the bus. I'm not saddened by what the poster wrote, but by the responses she received and because she felt as though she had to defend herself.
None of us are perfect. I'm sure at one time or another we have all done something that someone else would have handled in a different manner and we would not want to be judged for it.
I hope this does not deter anyone from asking questions. I know i'll be back with more questions.
It is not giving children more that spoils them; it is giving them more to avoid confrontation.
~ John Gray
just~me
I hear what you are
I hear what you are saying.
I know at times I have strong opnions and can be quite abrasive. There are even times when I might go overboard to start an argument with someone because of something else that is going on, because this is an easier release..........not very nice, but I think to a certain extent, many people have done the same, and then later thought "why did I say that" or "that really wasn't worth all that effort"...and there are times when I have read other people's criticisms of me and actually cried......and I am sure I have done the same to others, and while I might have felt vindicated at the time, does not please me in hindsight because I really don't enjoy hurting people.
For anyone reading this who I have truly wounded in the past, I apologize.
There are going to be times when people disagree, and sometimes people can be offended or hurt by just about anything....but I think we should remind ourselves that we are all human......we don't have to tiptoe around one another, but I for one am going to try and mellow out a bit.
This response is very cool.
This response is very cool. :)
Aymee C. Buckhannon
Independent Executive
http://www.GilbertMom.com
Thank You....
Thank You....
Happy Wife. Happy Mother to Ashley 11/14/87 and Izabel 11/3/06
I hear you! There's always
I hear you! There's always more to learn, but not everything one person does is right for another. We can all give our own opinions without being directly negative, but that doesn't mean we always have to agree.
We can say that we do things differently, cite research/experts/articles that supports our beliefs, give anecdotes, say why we wouldn't do something, and give opinions.
We should refrain from labeling something someone said or (i.e. "that is ridiculous" . "that's dumb," ect.), calling names, and using negative language.
Let's think of this forum as a way to spread knowledge and experiences in a positive manner, without judging people we don't know!
Allison
Mom to Talia (10/03) and Trip (3/07)
Thank for your post. I
Thank for your post. I agree completely. Being a mom is such an emotional job, we are probably the most sensitive about our job as mommy than any other thing we do. Differences of opinion are OK, they're even healthy, but I agree that we need to respect each other - not tear each other down. Thanks for writing what many others are probably thinking too.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
Thanks for all the support.
Thanks for all the support. I wasn't sure what kind of responses i was going to get from my post.
Trust me, i'm no angel.....but when i stopped and thought how i would i feel if those replies were directed towards me....i thought....ouch.....those would sting a little.
Anywho...i just like the art of conversation and i think it's wonderful for people to have different views on things and most importantly to share those views with others.
just~me
One more thing... Who's
One more thing...
Who's going to even listen to advice/suggestions if it's coming from someone who's being mean? If we present our ideas in a loving, helpful, and supportive manner, more people will be willing to read it and even try it.
Allison
Mom to Talia (10/03) and Trip (3/07)
I could not agree with you
I could not agree with you more. ;0)
just~me
my faith has been restored!!
my faith has been restored!! ;-) what is the saying? you get more with sugar thn vinegar?
Happy Wife. Happy Mother to Ashley 11/14/87 and Izabel 11/3/06
May I add one more thing???
May I add one more thing??? Please reread your posts before sending them on. Sometimes what may work when you are speaking may not necessarily work emailing. People can't hear your voice or see your body language, nor do they know your personality. Often, the things I write get rewritten because when I reread them they sound offensive even to me!!!
Yes, I agree thanks for this
Yes, I agree thanks for this forum! I have been very fired up on here rather towards someone else or if it was towards me.
I love this....azmoms....I truely do.
We are not always going to agree.....but that can be a learning lesson...and I have learned from listening to others.
However I am not going to learn or enjoy myself here if someone is just plan rude! Who benefits from that??
So to you all one great big hug.....!
So nice to read this post!
So nice to read this post! It's fine to disagree but this is a post for us moms to help each other--our jobs are way tough enough! A special thank you to the mom who started this dialogue.
Well, after reading this I
Well, after reading this I had to go and find the crib post. Anyone that admits that their 15 month old has a TV in their room - needs to have comments..... That is so inappropriate. Read the studies on TV before the age of 2. It doesn't matter if you have "Baby Einstein", it actually has nothing to do with the program, and everything to do with the pixels.
TV's do not belong in bedrooms - doesn't matter the age, we don't have one, nor do our children.
Work for yourself!
Kathy De Lisle
Independent Marketing Executive
Melaleuca
www.workathomeunited.com/delisle
For more info, contact me at katfishmama@gmail.com
I do agree that TV does not
I do agree that TV does not belong in bedrooms, but the issue here is how we convey that to others without being rude or "holier-than-thou." By you saying "That is so inappropriate" it not only comes off as an attack at the original poster, but also is incendiary and can start flame war. Is it really any harder to say, "*I think* that is inappropriate"? By sticking with I statements you can get your point across and without attacking someone, and therefore they may be less likely to get defensive. You've just proven my point that I stated above...
I think it is important we provide good, thorough information, research, and opinions, but I think presenting it in a more approachable way makes it more accessible and more people will actually take the advice/information into consideration. If you're perceived as aggressive, labeling, and judgemental then people are more likely to ignore everything you have to say, even when you make really good points.
Just something to think about. Our use of language is just so important when there is no body language. Of course, if you (you in the general sense, not you specifically) really do like to berate others, feel free, just know what the consequences of this are.
Allison
Mom to Talia (10/03) and Trip (3/07)
i like this post and am glad
i like this post and am glad that you posted it. i will say though, I will always post an honest answer and will never try to hurt feelings. but people must know that all opinions will be different and not always cheerful.
Exactly! If you put
Exactly! If you put something out there, don't expect to get all happy-go-lucky replies.
Work for yourself!
Kathy De Lisle
Independent Marketing Executive
Melaleuca
www.workathomeunited.com/delisle
For more info, contact me at katfishmama@gmail.com
I'm just putting out fires
I'm just putting out fires left and right, who would have thought that cribs and tv's would cause such a response! I do appreciate everones comments. We can all agree to disagree. I don't have a problem with my daughter having a TV in her room, its small 12 in, sits on a bureau that is over 4 ft and across the room from her crib. Most the time she is listening to it rather than sitting there transfixed. my daughter tends to reach for a book with words and pictures then the remote.
If tv was such a horrible thing, there would be no disney, nick, einstiens, sponge bob, backyardigans, doodlebops, sesame street, and who could forget barney???
Article:
Can TV help a young child's language development?
Yes and no, depending on what the child is watching.
Studies have found that children at 30 months of age who watched certain programs (one study focused on Dora the Explorer, Blues Clues, Clifford and Dragon Tales) resulted in greater vocabularies and higher expressive language whereas overall television viewing (including adult programs) has been associated with reduced vocabulary.
Does the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend against TV viewing for children under the age of 2?
Yes.
In 1999 the American Academy of Pediatrics issued a policy statement about media and children. In it, the organization discussed the benefits media education can have as well as the health risks TV poses to children, especially those under the age of two. Specifically, the AAP said:
"Pediatricians should urge parents to avoid television viewing for children under the age of 2 years. Although certain television programs may be promoted to this age group, research on early brain development shows that babies and toddlers have a critical need for direct interactions with parents and other significant caregivers (eg, child care providers) for healthy brain growth and the development of appropriate social, emotional, and cognitive skills. Therefore, exposing such young children to television programs should be discouraged."
To read the full statement: American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement on Media Education.
Again I do both with her. And she does not watch tv like a couch potato. We have lots of interaction. I did just find out that the noise of TV is to distracting when we are trying to teach her something, so the tv will be turned off.
Best believe that her upbringing, education, and health is what I take care of, 1st and foremost.
http://www.babble.com/CS/forums/p/650/62866.aspx
Happy Wife. Happy Mother to Ashley 11/14/87 and Izabel 11/3/06
As a mom, a woman and a
As a mom, a woman and a regular poster here, I am so impressed with this discussion. I applaud everyone. I saw the "cribs" posting and felt a stab at the tone of some of the responses. I wondered how this community would respond. I agree that we're not always going to get the answers we want to hear when we pose questions - and sometimes we need that. But I love that this community is setting guidelines for itself and making sure that responses are meaningful. We are all here to help each other. Hey, we're in this together. I am proud to be a part of this community.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
A very nice sentiment,
A very nice sentiment, Karina, thank you. I love that this web site offers diverse views from women who are not afraid to be heard. I just hope that we can all remember to be kind as well as helpful.
Hear, hear! ☺
Hear, hear! ☺
Being a mom is the hardest
Being a mom is the hardest job yet. All of us have strong feelings about certain issues in child raising. So no matter how dedicated and loving you can be towards your kids, there will be something, that one thing that another does not agree with.
We could spend the rest of our lives defending our decisions and pointing fingers at others. We all have to learn to trust our instincts as for what is best for our families, be supportive of others, and accept that we are all human
(including ourselves).
Who wouldn't love for their kids to grow up and say they have the best mom ever!! We all do!
(keep in mind those thoughts will probably never register with your child during the ages 13-20 no matter how wonderful you are :))
Linda Sue Stucke