Dilema: My MIL is coming into town in a few weeks (from New Jersey) and wants to take my 2 kids (5 & 4) to my Brother in law's (BIL) for a few nights. My MIL sees my kids 2x/year and my BIL does not have kids of his own. My BIL has a pool that does not have a fence and the doors leading to the pool do not have child-proof locks, just a bell/alarm system on the doors (maybe he has it turned off b/c I've never heard it when I've been there). Am I nuts for feeling that I don't want them to stay there because there are no locks on the doors? My husband thinks they will be just fine, and I'm sure everything will be, but I don't want experience what so many Arizona families experience when kids drown! My kids are decent swimmers, but I'm still so nervous/anxious over the whole idea. I feel that it will really cause great distress between me and the in-laws, but I can't help feeling so strongly. Should I just let them go? Ugh. I'm so stressed over it!
Eeeew. Doesn't sound good
Eeeew. Doesn't sound good to me. And because you're stressing, I say go with your gut instinct. We moms always need to listen to that inner voice because it's most likely right on target.
Why not have your BIL over instead?
DesertMom
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
You are absolutely NOT nuts
You are absolutely NOT nuts for anticipating what can and does happen far too often. When my daughter was young and started going with her father to visit his parents who have a swimming pool and at the time didn't have a fence around it I insisted that there be one installed before she was allowed to go there. They did get one that could be taken down, but was very secure when it is up. I'd rather chance the distress now rather than later when it might be too late.
No, you are not nuts. Don't
No, you are not nuts. Don't feel stressed about telling them no. They are YOUR CHILDREN and your inlaws should also have their best interests at heart. I am quite sure they just haven't thought about it the way you have. Maybe as an alternative, your inlaws could stay at your house and you and your hubby could stay a night or two at a resort and have a mini vacation???
OK, THANK YOU everyone for
OK, THANK YOU everyone for replying to my 'mini-crisis'. I feel better hearing responses from people who don't know me (and know that I tend to let my emotions get in the way)! I just know I'll forever hold the title as being an overly protective mom, at least in the eyes of my in-laws. My husband and I have much to discuss, mainly coming up with an alternative or a compromise (because he thinks we should just send them). There's much to be said for 'mothers intuition'. THANKS again!!!
I would say let them go,
I would say let them go, your children seem to be of a responsible age. We are all accident prone at any age and as much as our motherly instincts bring out the warning flags we need to sometimes let down our guard just a little. I didn't want my children to go and visit their grandma because she hasn't been around children and is really an up and go kind of person. But the hubby reminded me that our children needed to spend time with other family. Just remind MIL and BIL of your concern as well as reminding the kids of not going outside unless supervised, I am sure they will be understanding to your concern. You have every right to be worried, hope this helps!
Part of me wants to, really.
Part of me wants to, really. No one will watch them as good as we do and I need to get over that, but it's a pool. I didn't grow up with one and don't have one myself so that's why I'm so nervous.
No, no, no, no, no, not in a
No, no, no, no, no, not in a hundred million years no. 4 and 5 and no pool fence can equal tragedy. I can sympathize with your wanting to give in...my parents had no pool fence and I got into a huge argument with my mother about this. When my daughter was only 2-3, she said, "there's a lock high up on the door, and we'll be watching her."
I said: "So what happens if she gets up at 5 am (as she was wont to do) and moves a chair over to the door and opens it?" She looked at me blankly and that was all there was to say.
An idea would be to come up with an alternative plan...maybe all of you could go to a local resort, split the cost of a suite and have fun together. But whatever happens, please don't be bullied or pressured into making a decision you're not comfortable with that could end in tragedy. But let the in-laws and your husband know that the no is unequivocable. Call your doctor, get back up...ask him or her what they would do. Then tell your in-laws that. Good luck.
After one of the local child drownings here, one of the firefighters said that having children under 6 and no pool fence is like playing russian roulette with your child's life.
I agree completely with
I agree completely with MarineMom. Do not let them go. I don't mean to sound awful, but I know as a mom I could never live with myself if I let my kids go, knowing it was against my better judgement and something happened. Ask yourself this.....is your in-laws happiness worth more than your children's lives? I am assuming the answer is a great big HECK NO.....so there you have your answer. =0)
♥ "LIFE AIN'T ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL, BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL RIDE" ♥--Gary Alan
You have to weigh "What's
You have to weigh "What's the WORST that could happen if I say no --- that MIL and BIL will be miffed at me" against "What's the WORST that could happen if I say yes -- one or both of my kids drowns."
Not a hard choice! If you feel uncomfortable with this situation, just say NO! Better to be derided as a 'paranoid mom' than comforted as a "mom in mourning" by your family.
New to AZ --- and missing autumn leaves and the smell of apple orchards!
OMG, your last comment is
OMG, your last comment is resonating with me! You are so right! Do you want to call my in-laws for me???? :)
Just send me their
Just send me their number!
When my own kids were little, I told my inlaws:
"I am paranoid and neurotic, and your opinion of me and my mothering skills is the very LEAST of my worries!"
Say it with a smile because you don't want to hurt their feelings, just let them know your priorities.
New to AZ --- and missing autumn leaves and the smell of apple orchards!
MomieOF2 "I would say let
MomieOF2
"I would say let them go, your children seem to be of a responsible age.
"we need to sometimes let down our guard just a little."
My first concern is you thinking children at ages 4 & 5 are at a responsible age and second thinking we need to let our guard down regarding pools when it involves 4 & 5 year olds.
There is an article on the front page of the republic right now about a lady (50 years old) who drowned this week at the San Marcos Resort in Chandler. She was 50 years old!!
I completely disagree that 4 & 5 years olds are responsible and even more so when it comes to being around a pool and also disagree that we need to let our guard down with children that age when around water .... if anything we should be putting our guard up more when it has to do with pools & water at that age!! Children that age are fearless & vulnerable and don't anticipate the tragic outcome that could come from a decision made on their own to go in a pool or water by themselves. Not to mention they will panic if anything happens leading to even more tragedy!!
Yes, I said what I said but
Yes, I said what I said but I also said that we are all accident prone at any age. I could stand up now, loose my balance and hurt myself. (knock on wood) I guess responsible is the wrong word, let me use "older". And I also wasn't talking about letting our guards down when it comes to water, I meant life in general. As much as we all worry about what could happen, sometimes we can never be too cautious of our surroundings. And in my comment I also wrote that the MIL and BIL should be aware of her concerns and so on. Gee, aren't we in a critizing mood today!!
Even in my having issues
Even in my having issues with the over-protectiveness of my ex, I whole-heartedly agree with the other posts here. This is just bad juju.
Here's some ammo
http://www.ci.phoenix.az.us/FIRE/watersafe.html
OH OH OH! I forgot this... My kids were invited to a pool party at a friends apartment complex (4, 6 and 7) and you best believe that I (trained as a lifeguard more years ago than I care to think of right now) will be there supervising.
When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll do something to change it.
http://www.aunyx.net
I would not want my kids to
I would not want my kids to go either. I am not sure how expensive they are but maybe see if they would be willing to get one of those saftey nets that go over the pool. They can even come with alarms. Is there any kind of lock that they can put on the door that they can use while your kids are visiting? I dont have a pool but maybe there is some sort of temp childproof device that you can purchase to take over.
Logically, your husband is
Logically, your husband is right; they should be fine. However, if you're not comfortable, ask your BIL to install child-proof locks -- and offer to pay for them if he can't afford it.
Just tell him what you have told us. Your kids are decent swimmers, but you'd just sleep better knowing that there's no chance that they could sneak into the pool unsupervised.
Believe it or not, my BIL
Believe it or not, my BIL will not install the child-proof locks b/c he thinks it will take away from the "look" of the house (i.e. would not go with his Pottery Barn/bachelor look) AND would drive the value down! He couldn't be more wrong in my opinion!!!!!! So, guess what girls, they are NOT going. It's unfortunately stirred up a big 'ol argument with me and my husband, but I'm standing my ground on this one.
What a bunch of horse poop;
What a bunch of horse poop; who's going to see child-proof locks and say, "Oh, my. I'm sorry, but I can't approve your new mortgage if you have those dreadful things on the doors."
Just calmy say, "Dear, I don't care if you think I'm over-reacting. I don't even care if I *am* over-reacting. So long as your brother cares more about his interior decorating than the safety of my children, there will be no sleep-overs at his house."
Feel free to stick your tongue out and say, "So there."
GOOD FOR YOU!!! But Darn!
GOOD FOR YOU!!! But Darn! Now I've lost my award as THE most overprotective mother! sheesh! ;-)
I pass it on to you... ;-)
Okay... its good to do as
Okay... its good to do as much preventive work as possible. But you child is not going to have fences around him all his life. Teach the kid how to swim. I told my daughter that I would install a net over the pool for my grandson. But I also made her commit to teaching the child how to swim by the time he is 3. Because there aren't going to be net/fences around him all the time! Protect your child by teaching what they need to do in order to survive!