Well, same old story if you ask me, but here goes.
I am pretty new to the Valley. Moved here in Feb 07'. I came out here for a few different reasons, but all in all, I needed a new start. So, my son, Ricky (3 1/2) at the time and I drove our butts out here, met up with my boyfriend / ex-boyfriend, depending on the month, and planted down in the NE part of town. I also made my ex-husband come out, but that's a whole different story. :-)
I guess what I'm getting at is WOW! I never realized how hard it is to meet friends, that do or do not have children when you are a single parent! It gets pretty lonely moving to a city you have never even been to, and I'm sure my little man would LOVE some new friends, I just am not sure where to go to meet honest, good, fun people- for Ricky and I.
Any suggestions? And please don't tell me "playdates". I would honestly like to get to know the parent before I let my son get to know the child. My biggest thing here is I would like to meet other women/men, like me, who are dedicated to thier children, single parents or not. It doesn't matter! I just want to meet some good people for both my son AND I. HELP!!!!!
"Everything will be OK in the end. If EVERYTHING is not OK, it is not the end"
well, hopefully your
well, hopefully your situation is more stable than it sounds, for your little boy's sake...the part about the on again off again boyfreind and the ex-husband.......I always cringe when I read stories about single moms bringing different men in and out of their children's lives. Children really need a stable atmosphere.
In any case, I think there are plenty of single mothers around......you can probably meet them at the park or your local mall play area.....or where you work, if you are employed. I would also suggest getting your son into a good pre-school, perhaps you can meet some other ladies there. Good luck.
Ok. Now that you all have
Ok. Now that you all have said you piece, some being more helpful than others (THANK YOU), I beleve it is my turn to have the floor again.
About me and my life.
Name is Ashley (24).
Grew up in Pittsburgh PA.
At 18, I enlisted into the Air Force fresh out of high school.
Met my ex-husband at 19, got married, got pregnant several months later, found that he couldn't keep it in his pants, divorced, and got out of the military as a new single mommy. Stayed single for 2 years after moving back home and met my current "on and off again" boyfriend. He and I have been together, "on and off", for 2+ years. He is the ONLY man I have been with since my ex-hsband and he is the ONLY man that my son has had the opportunity to get to know other than his father. My boyfriend too, is a single, divorced father (30) of 2 beautiful children ages 8 and 6.
I take quite a bit of offense to the comment of my life being potentially unstable.
I have worked my butt of for the past 4 years to build a good life for my son.
I keep a very structured home with learning, love, respect, fun and an openmind.
I have my son in a WONDERFUL pre-school that I pay VERY good money for where he learns more than most children even have the opportunity to learn.
I work a great M-F 8-5 job at $16 an hour to make sure that I have time with him every night and weekend.
I do it all on my own.
I would NEVER put my son into a situation where his emotions were at risk. Especially with a male "father type figure". His father spends quite a bit of time with his son also, hence the comment of me making him move out to PHX with me. The fact that his fater and I divorced was simply for the fact that I CANNOT spend my life with a man that wasnt to spend it with other women.
I didn't join this site to be judged, critisized, or offended.
This site is SUPPOSED to be a way for women to share, express, help and learn.
I have NEVER passed judgement on ANY single Mommy as every situation is different. So I must say that I am somewhat disappointed that it has come down to me defending myself to a complete stranger.
To you ladies that have given me helpful advice on where to meet some new friends for my sone and I, THANK YOU. You have responded kindly and I appriciate.
I wish all of you good luck in EVERYTHING you do with your children. Thank you for your help ladies and I hope all of you have a fabulous day!!!!
"Everything will be OK in the end. If EVERYTHING is not OK, it is not the end"
I'm married with 2 kids, but
I'm married with 2 kids, but with the crazy hours that my husband has we joke that I'm a single married lady. Like you I work full time but am able to get off a a decent hour to spend time with my kids. I don't like playgroups and I cannot go up to people at the park and make conversation. The only way I have met people is through the teams the boys are on.
Not sure how old your son is now, but I have a 10 and 4 yr old. We spend lots of time at Casey at the Bat (40th St Union Hills) playing inline hockey. They are great people there and a season is only $150ish. If he is interested in it I can help you get used gear to get going.
Oh you are wonderful!! I
Oh you are wonderful!! I just replied to a post about hockey moms and I am ecstatic that there is a place so close to me! I am going to try and get out there this weekend. You can e-mail me if you like. aemarano@safeguard.us if you are really interested in helping me find used gear for my son. Thank you again so much!!
"Everything will be OK in the end. If EVERYTHING is not OK, it is not the end"
I know you're not looking
I know you're not looking for playdates but maybe playgroups are the way to go - you can meet a lot of people at one time and she what clicks.
check out this site for info on playgroups and a whole lot more:
http://azactivekids.com/index.html
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 7 and 3.
Hi. I don't know about you
Hi. I don't know about you but I found the last comment quite judgemental. I have two boys, 7 and 1 and I live with their father but we aren't married. We have been through a lot, so the last thing I will do is pass judgement. Getting toyour topic, I just moved here three months ago from Pennsylvania and have only one friend out here so far. I'm not real sure where you are, but I am really down to earth and I would love to have another girl to talk to. If you want to talk or just chat my e mail is leesgrl1402@yahoo.com.
Your'e right , it was
Your'e right , it was judgemental. It's my opinion (and that's the purpose of a discussion board, for people to comment and give their opinions whether others find them agreeable or not) that people should use extreme caution when involving outsiders in their children's lives, i.e. on again off again boyfreinds, etc....you are still in a committed elationship with your child's father, so that is not the same thing. I didn't get married until my son was a month old, my husband and I had been living together for years and were engaged, but I didn't want to be a pregnant bride. The situations I take issue with aren't so much about the marital status, they are about the multiple people involved in the childs life.....I take it from the way the original post reads that the ex-husband is the boy's father.....and the on/off boyfreind is not. It can be upsetting to a child to have people drift in and out of their lives. First their parents split up, and that is tough enough....and then they start dating other people who the child may then become attached to....and then they inevitably split up and the child has lost someone else so they are hurt all over again. If my husband and I split up I wouldn't involve other men in my son's life, I'd put romance on hold until he was grown, but that's just me.
OK, point taken. You are
OK, point taken. You are right about what you said, because if I was to be without the father of my kids, the last thing I would do is bring a man around them. You were justified with what you said. I guess you are just a little more blunt than I would be. But you are honest and I respect that.
Katy1999 - Just
Katy1999 - Just curious...How do you feel when others judge you for having a child when you weren't married? Or for your problems with depression? Or for your divorce?
My husband and I dated for 7 years - without living together - before we married. We have been together for 19 years. We finished our educations, while working full time, and traveled Europe for years before having children. I might look at your situation and judge your decisions to be "unstable".
Some people walk around with a metaphorical 2x4 on their shoulder and every time they turn around, they whack someone in the head with it and then say, "gee I'm sorry, but I didn't MEAN to hurt you".
Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean you have the MORAL right to whack somebody with it! Yes, we all know that this is America and anybody can say anything that they want, because afterall, it's just their opinion. But, you know what? She didn't ask for your opinion about her life decisions, anymore than you are asking for mine.
She asked if you had suggestions for where to meet people. Period. Do you like irritating people with your opinions? Do you think that you provided keen insight for her that she's never heard before, esp from her own family?
Opinions are great for understanding new perspectives on an ISSUE, but not for commenting on other people's lives. There is a distinction. I'm sure that I've made you mad, but for once, stop and really think about why you are mad....
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
Sorry to disappoint you, if
Sorry to disappoint you, if that's the case, but I am not mad, or interested in arguing with you at this point.
Yes, the comments above are judgemental, and no, I really don't have a right to judge anyone, any more than they have a right to judge me.
Honestly, I was probably snapped at this person because I was frustrated about something else and wanted to rattle someone's cage instead of dealing with what was really wrong with me, which is not the best course of action.
That's more of a reason than an excuse. I think to a certain extent a lot of people are guilty of this in the "cyber world". That doesn't make it right, but it happens.
I am not a terrible, hateful person, but I'm not a saint, either. I'm human. I think people are rarely all good or all bad, but somewhere in between. Yes, I did live with my husband before I was married, we had my son and then were married a month later. If I could go back and do it over again, would I do it that way? Probably not, but that's the way it happened. I don't think that makes me less of a person, or less of a mother, pehaps you do, but I don't. By the way - I am not divorced, nor have I ever been, I think you may have confused me with someone else on that one. I do struggle with depression, and a myriad of other issues, but I would hope that someone with a psychology background would not pass judgement on someone for that. Perhaps you are, I can't really do anything about that.
I am not sure if you are going to go through and comment on everything I have said in the past - but I have read what you said and I do understand what you are saying. I can't go backward, all I can do is move forward at this point.
I'm not judging you, nor
I'm not judging you, nor have I. I do admire you willingness to openly express yourself and in light of that, you will note that I have never attacked you personally. I did wish to challenge you though, because it's not fair to blast someone personally and some of those comments in a few posts could have been really hurtful. I will play Devil's Advocate on ISSUES, but we should all be cognizant of the power of our words and "live the examined life, subjecting our motives and actions to the scrutiny of mind and heart" before we hit "post comment".
As women, we must know that on some days, we are more vulnerable than others. I can easily imagine someone, new to town, reading those judgmental words and feeling so low that she takes out hurt feelings on her child, or beats herself up emotionally and her child has to have a sad mommy that night.
We're all smart and capable enough to debate a tough issue without commenting that someone's actions are "poor parenting" or other negative generalizations. And, I'm quite certain, that if challenged, we can refrain from unfounded personal, insinuations too (re: other posters).
Thanks for fessing up to a bad day. I hope it gets better!
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
thanks....
thanks....
I'll be honest ladies. I am
I'll be honest ladies. I am thrilled to see people express themselves so intensely, but try to remember. I only want to make some new friends.
I got invited to my very first "playdate" this week, and I'm very excited about it, but again, that is for my son. Not necessarily me. So if anybody wants to chat, let me know. I don't judge! ;-)
So, thank you for backing me up. I didn't ask for any opinions, but it is somewhat refreshing to hear an opinion that doesn't mesh with mine and hear someone other than my self defend...myself!
BTW, work is terrific, Christmas was wonderful and bountiful, and I'm still kicking butt and taking names in the Mommy sense! ;-) Thanks for all the support ladies. It's nice to know that I'm not the only lady here who doesn't have a cookie cutter life!
"Everything will be OK in the end. If EVERYTHING is not OK, it is not the end"
I empathize...being new adds
I empathize...being new adds to the difficulty of finding friends with children close in age to your son.
I found The Little Gym classes on Saturday worked for me since I work m-f also. They let you try a class for free so you could see if Ricky liked it and if there might be friend potential.
My only friend with a child of similar age is a stay at home mom - so her schedule is very different than ours so it is difficult to have play dates.
Good luck
Bahama Dreamin
I am so feeling your pain,
I am so feeling your pain, it is really hard to make new friends. I am a single parent of a two year old, and none of my current friends have children so it is really difficult to hang out wih them now. Iam totally lonely too, and need HELP!
I totally agrree with you on the playdate thing! LOL
Megan
If ANY of you would like to
If ANY of you would like to talk, set up a time to meet, etc., please, send me a message via e-mail.
aemarano@safeguard.us
I would love to meet some of you!!!!!!!!
"Everything will be OK in the end. If EVERYTHING is not OK, it is not the end"
I know what you mean about
I know what you mean about wanting to make friends and finding it hard. We moved-out here about 3 yrs. ago when I was 7 mos. pregnant, I've sadly really not made one friend, and Lord how I have tried!!!! I'm in my 30's, lived all over the country and the world in my younger-days even and NEVER had any problems making friends. I'm very outgoing, kind, interesting, etc. I'm from the South, it's quite a different "culture" social enviornment here. I'm sure I'll probably step-on some toes by saying this, I'm sorry (I've also found that a ton of new comers to Phoenix feel the same way that I do) but I've found most (a rare few exceptions) people are very closed here, stand-offish, un-friendly and sometimes (sorry guys, please dont' hate me, or start a huge "thing" on here) down-right rude. It definetly "ain't the South". And it can't be blamed-on heat, crime, big-city, a lot of people from out of town, drugs, etc. B/C I came-from and have lived in cities larger, hotter, more crime-ridden, etc. than here. I dunno', it's hard, it really is, I know there are nice people out there, but it is very hard to find them here in Phoenix. Perhaps a lot of nice Moms can connect here on this site? If you'd like to chat you can email me directly at: ajoseph19@cox.net
I'd be more than happy to get to know you. I'm a nice, normal, fun Mom to a 2 1/ 2 yr. old boy, and I'm a great friend.
:)
I was reading thru this
I was reading thru this thread.....and I have to admit that I moved out here with dd (dear daughter) 3 1/2 years ago to SE Valley and I've found it extremely difficult to make new friends as a single mom!!!!
It was easy for me to make/have friends in my 20's, because I could 'hang out' anytime I wanted to, not having any kids. But most of my friends, I've made around here are married and have family commitments and obligations. I haven't met any other single moms to go out and have lunch/dinner with. *sigh*
Strange, when you ask anyone's advice, you see yourself what is right.
- Selma Lagerlof
Hope, ditto to you also!!!
Hope, ditto to you also!!!
Happy Wife. Happy Mother to Ashley 11/14/87 and Izabel 11/3/06
Ashley, please do not take
Ashley, please do not take head to Mrs Katy1999. unfortunately she can be somewhat, ummmm negative. I have a 15 month old baby girl, I work and I am home alone at night. My oldest daughter is in school and my husband works evenings. If you ever want to get together please let me know. I was a single mother with my 1st child, and it can be really hard. So remember me if you can!!!! You take care!!! And let me know if you want to hang out with kids!
Happy Wife. Happy Mother to Ashley 11/14/87 and Izabel 11/3/06
Hi there, I just read your
Hi there,
I just read your request. I am a single mom as well to an 18 month old boy. I have lived in this state almost all my life. I agree that it is difficult to make new friends when you are a single mom. I am a single mom by choice and struggle with getting along this my baby's father. I am also looking for new people to meet that have young children to talk to and possibly hang out with. My circle of friends is extremely small since I had my son and it is very lonely. I would like to find someone who has children close to my son's age so that he can start developing good social skills and people that I can possibly relate to. I hope that you have enjoyed your time here in Arizona so far and hope to here from you soon. If you're interested in talking you can email me at averyjade@hotmail.com
Wow! Seems like a very
Wow! Seems like a very heated discussion! Seems like you wanted somewhere to get support and you got judgement passed instead! Well if you would like to talk or anything My name is Stacie, i dont' have any children yet but will at the the end of november! I left my baby's daddy because he couldn't keep his hands off me! I am really looking for new friends too!! My emial is keelahkat@yahoo.com please contact me
keelahkat@yahoo.com