Schedule change

It would break my heart to give up my child any day of the week, so I know how it hurts you, but the right thing for the child is being with each parent as much as possible.
My brother is going through the same thing. The ex-wife tries to make every excuse so he can't see the kids. She keeps them so busy on a schedule and uses that for the reason. I'm sure he will have to take her back to court eventually. I would discuss the pool issue and see if he can correct it. I would too be concerned about that, but since she is old enough to follow rules better, it may not be a big issue as it would with a child under age 5. I am not in that situation myself, but I hope I would do whats best for the child and let the dad be a big part of her life as much as possible. I would never keep the father, grandparents, aunts, uncles away from my child. Kids need all the family members to lead a healthy and balanced life.

One Happy Mom in Arizona.

I feel your pain being a single mom too and sharing visitation/custody. Of course the most obvious thing to do is to do what's in the best interest of your daughter. Is your daughter pretty resiliant or does she struggle with change? If she's pretty resiliant and changing her schedule won't bother her at all then maybe you could try it. If she struggles with change maybe it's not the best thing to do since she's used to the schedule she's with now and a change to it could bring on unnecessary anxiety, stress, etc. To me it sounds like a lot of bouncing around, although I know that's the norm for some children who spend time with both mom & dad.

I would voice your concerns to him as well. I would mention that you're concerned that he is on the telephone all the time and just because she's there with him if he's on the phone all the time while she's there that's not considered quality time. On the pool fence situation I would not agree to any changes until there is a fence installed. A pool without a fence is just an accident waiting to happen.

I too have had the same schedule for about 5 years with my ex. I am now currently going through a custody battle with my ex-husband(which sometimes causes a strain on my relationship). Our divorce was final in August of 2004. He served me this time around in order to spend more time with our 5 year old. He wants him on his days off (which are weekdays) becuase he is a car salesman. I am planning to put him in summer camp and he starts school this upcoming August. I worked with him for over a year to allow him to see him but went back to our court ordered schedule the first of the year. If you can save a court battle and are willing to make compromises I would say do it. In my case my son doesn't like to see his dad (and we never talk ill of his father to him or in front of him). These are his own opinions he has of his father.

If you are only worried about not having her every other weekend you are pretty lucky. I understand the pool thing as well. We have a pool with no fence and my son can swim.

Talk to your ex and share your concerns and fears, the pros and cons, etc. Make a list of everything you want to discuss and why you feel the way you do. Then set a date when you can discuss it in person or over the phone.

I'm going to come at this a little different than the rest of the posters. I have my daughter full time and her father doesn't see her at all even though the options are there for him to take her on holidays and school vacations so first off be thankful that he loves his little girl this much that he wants more time with her. Hopefully his motives are genuine and it's not to get out of child support payments or something. Regarding the pool comment, you can make that part of the change custody agreement in court that he must get a pool fence or a locking device on the doors. Also, if you aren't completely sold on the 2-2-5 (which 3 of my friends have and say it's a pretty good idea and arrangement) ask the court to grant his same days and like one weekend a month for a year first, then go and and ask for the 2-2-5. He might change his mind after that year. As far as not knowing what to do on those weekends...girl take time out to read a book, catch a movie, clean your house, lunch with a friend, take a vacation. As a hard working mom, you deserve some fun also!

Good luck either way and hopefully it all works out!

"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."

I think the proposed new schedule sounds great. As for you not knowing what to do without your daughter on the weekend seems like an excuse to not change the schedule. He deserves to have weekend plans with her as well. Not just on the days he works or she goes to school most of the day. The best interest of the child should be considered top and foremost.

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!

I want to thank everyone for their comments today! It's really helped me a lot!:)

When I was newly divorced, DD went to her dad's every other weekend. I won't say it wasn't tough seeing her go. I just made the best use of my time alone. I did all the cleaning, shopping and things that were not fun to her. I also used those for my dating weekends. Then we were able to have more quality time together when she was with me.

I now have a 2-2-5 schedule that is similar to the one you described. There are definitely things I don't like about it. But it seems to be the best option for a 50/50 split.

If at all possible, keep the issue out of court. Having a judge decide what is best for your child is always scary. Put the specifics in writing so there is no confusion and no hassles later on. Specify pick up times, who transports, how holidays will be handled, etc. I know firsthand it's not always possible, but it would be easiest on her if you could keep similar schedules and rules.

Maybe you could ease into the schedule. Your ex will probably be more agreeable if it's spelled out in writing and not just a vague "later you'll get more time".

I'd also stand firm on him getting an approved pool fence. We hear about pool tragedies all the time. You could explain that since she would be there more, he will have things that have to get done that he normally does on his own. So he may not always be able to supervise as he does now.

I remember when I was researching in college majoring Reading, academics shoot up tremendously when a father reads to a child just 10 mintues a day. This shows us just how significant a father is in a childs life. For this and so many other reasons, I hope if I'm ever in this situation, I would make the best decision for my child and give him all the father and son contact as possible. I want the best for my child, just like everyone else, so being with the father is critical in a childs eye whether we like it or not.

One Happy Mom in Arizona.