Fake nails

We had a similar issue with my stepson, who got his ear pierced when he was around ten. His dad openly objected, but Eric got his ear pierced anyway, because his mom thought it was okay. Parents often disagree about things like this, and when it is a step child it just has that added degree of sensitivity. Eventually Eric decided it wasn't as cool as he thought, and it was more bother than it was worth. At the age of 10, your SD might learn how much work it really is to keep your nails nice. Make her pay for all the upkeep, and I'll bet she soon gives it up!

Susan is mom to Alexander, Isabel, David and stepmom to Eric. She does community outreach for arizonamoms. Be sure to enter the Back-to-School $1000 Giveaway every day July 4-31!

Personally I think that is way to young (but that is just my opinion.) Plus, getting these does ruin your nails. I once had them done while in a wedding party in my mid 20's (all the bridesmaids were doing it & they looked so pretty) well, boy did I learn my lesson. When the nails are removed completely your nails are extremely sensitive - it hurts for quite some time. I decided to NEVER again do that.

So yes, she seems young. However, there is another situation aside from the age thing. She is your stepdaughter & if her mom gave her permission well that is something you must tread very carefully. I'd talk to your husband about it (the daddy) as he should have been a part of this decision making. I think if daddy feels its okay then you just need to smile and maybe over a period of time talk about these nails (in a positive manner) and maybe over time she'll not want them anymore. Now, if daddy does not approve then he should surely get with the ex-wife to discuss. I know if it were my dad, he would have been furious, as he was very strict (I couldnt even wear glossy lipstick at 16!)

So, you are in a situation where you should voice your opinion, but go about it very carefully. As you do not want your step daughter to resent you about the whole fake nails situation.

LisaMommy is a 38 year old discussion leader for arizonamoms.com from the Paradise Valley/Scottsdale area. Her two boys are ages 7 months and 3 years old.

One of the things I love about girls around age 10 is that, one day, they're aspiring fashion models and the next, they can't wait to get out and play in the dirt. You just never know who's going to show up at the breakfast table.

As someone else mentioned, she probably won't want the hassle or expense of keeping them up. I'll bet that once this set comes off, she won't be interested in doing it again for quite awhile.

At least it isn't permanent, like a tattoo or a piercing. I think that her Dad ought to mention that he needs to be involved in rites-of-passage decisions, but I wouldn't let it turn into a big deal.

I also agree that she's too young, but as the step-mom, it's one of the decisions you're likely not going to get a say in. I'd just ignore it for now - in fact, it's probably her turn to do the dishes tonight, don't you think? And see how much trouble she finds the nails cause for her. They'll pop off soon enough.

Don't make a big deal out of it, but if she asks you, I'd just tell her that you think that make it harder to do fun stuff like play games, etc. I agree she's still very much a little girl.

Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.

At 10 I was so glad to finally get my ears pierced. :) Nails Huh? I agree with the other ladies. It's 22 bucks some places to get a "fill" so every two weeks or every week depending on the upkeep. Sure is a lot of babysitting to keep that up. They'll come off soon enough. At this age I would say something to her cause if you let it go she may think that it's ok, but if this is a situation between the father and the mother then have the father make this talk happen. I grew up in a divorced family so I know all the tricks.

Lisa - Mom to her spunky little Scarlette

I have a step daughter a little younger than yours. I have good friend who also has a step daughter who is older and she is really at a loss sometimes as how to manage things as "not the momma!"

It's really hard when you see your stepchild do something, that the other parent allowed, that you believe is harmful and/or different from what you would allow if she were your daughter. Be sure to share with your husband (privately and not in front of her) how you feel about things so that he knows your feeling and loving concern for her well-being.

In the end, as terribly hard as it may be, her mother and her father have to be the ones to make the decisions. I know this can be really, really hard, particularly if she spends a lot of time with you. It is abundantly MORE difficult when you feel like the mom did something behind the dad's (your husband's) back.

I spend a lot of time with my step-daughter and I have reactions to things as though she were my own...but alas, she is not. I have to remind myself of that a lot.

I think that a woman who takes on the role of loving another woman's child is a wonderful woman indeed - and there is a reason why he is married to you, right? ;-)

I think the other moms here are right. Those nails are going to drive her crazy and she will be begging for them to come off. Frankly, the one and only time in my entire life where I wore fake nails, I was an adult and could only stand them for 3 days!

Maybe something that you could do once she realizes that the nails are not such a good thing, is make a date to take her to a salon for a kiddie manicure (with her natural nails ;-)) and do it together as a girly-girl thing.

Best wishes and good luck!

Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She is a business owner, community volunteer, and aspiring runner (whew!), who most enjoys her roles as wife & mom. Her children range in age from 4 to 13.

Yes, I think she is to young for fake nails at 10. I don't think it is that big of a deal. I like Karina's idea of having her wash the dishes though.

I have had fake nails on and off again over the years. I got tired of having to take care of them and I was an adult. I can't see a 10 year taking care of them. I am thinking this was done without much thought on either party. Maybe the Mother wants a buddy/friend instead of being the Mother and thought this was a cool thing to do. I think your SD will get tired of it and will move onto other things with her Mother to test the boundries.

Let us know how the the nails fair.

KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.