I have a 6 year old step daughter. She comes to stay with my husband and I on the third weekend of every month, but lately we have been trying to be a lot more involved in her life, especially her schooling and trying to get more visitation with her. (it's a loooong story, we have only known her for about 2 years.) Her mother claims that she wants us to be more involved, but we just got her report card for kindergarten, and she had 19 abscences in the first semester of school. Isn't that quite a lot? We spoke with her mother, and she made it sound like it was no big deal, but the teacher is talking about holding her back in school again (she was held back in kindergarten from last year.) because of her poor performance. This is an exact repeat of what happened last year. She had almost 40 abscences last year for the whole school year. WE were told by the school that truancy laws do not apply to kids in kindergarten.
Mom has physical custody, but our paperwork states that we have joint legal custody. We can't afford any more lawyer bills, we have paid out over 35k in child support payments/lawyer bills in 2 years. what should we do? We really don't want her to be held back again. But mom claims she has it under control, and has "nicely" told us not to worry about it.
I don't know custody laws or
I don't know custody laws or divorce laws, but can you get in touch with the teacher yourselves? Can you talk to the Principal? Is your step-daughter doing poorly because she's not in school much or is there a learning disability that needs attention? I would be a little concerned about that aspect of it all.
Also, is a note to the judge appropriate at this time? Would you be able to get letters from school attesting to her absences? Maybe that would help your cause without adding to your lawyer bills.
Just a thought. I feel for you guys because it seems the girl really needs more guidance and your hands seem tied. Good luck to you guys. I hope you get what you want for this little girl!
If your husband has legal
If your husband has legal joint custody, then he should call the school and arrange a meeting with first the teacher and then the principal. Tell them what you're willing to do to help. (Take custody documents with you.) Truancy laws may not apply to a kindergartener but they would apply to a first-grader and her age puts her in that range.
Karina Bland is raising her 9-year-old son in Tempe with a lot of love, humor and support from her friends and family. A longtime journalist covering child welfare and education issues for The Arizona Republic, she blogs about raising good kids.
Yikes! As a mother to 3
Yikes! As a mother to 3 step girls I can feel your frustration on this matter! Our girls brought us thier report cards with 9 tardies this semester. I'm not a lawyer but I do know that the "joint" part of your custody papers should say that you have equal rights with the education of your child. Set up a meeting at once with the school (teacher, other parent) and see if you can come up with a agreement on how to get the little one there more efficiently. If that doesn't work then I hate to say it but maybe spending a little more money and asking the court to get involved is a good idea. Whether truancy applies or not, the lack of getting her the proper education as required by law can be considered neglect.
"It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..."
Why if you have joint legal
Why if you have joint legal custody do you only get her the third weekend of every month? Do you live very far from the mother?
It is a long story. We did
It is a long story. We did not know my husband had a child until 2 years ago, and because we did not know her, we have been working with what is called a graduated parenting time plan. Until she was 3, her mother had informed her that her father was someone else, because she was not sure who the father was. (my husband was unaware of this) Don't worry ladies, the conception date was well before we started dating. It was a one night whoopsie-daisy.
Our next step is every other weekend, but a lot of that has to do with what the child is comforatable with, and she misses her mom a lot when she is here. It is very confusing for her.
We have scheduled a conference with the teacher and the principal. The trouble is actually getting the mom to take proper steps to insure she gets to school.
Another thing that I would
Another thing that I would do is get her, your husband and yourself into a group mediation/counseling session to help with the transition into every other weekend and help with all the changes that have happened to all of you.
I have 3 step daughters and have been in their lives for 10 years and one thing that I can tell you is if you do the transition sooner rather than later they will adapt faster. Don't force anything but, from my experience children are more accepting when they are younger.
I think making the appointment with the teacher and the school is a great idea but it doesn't force the mother to do anything to change what is happening. I'm sure many of you out there won't want to hear this but... if you want to see things change you need to get your step daughter more and make sure things are moving in the right direction for her because ultimately you can only really control what happens at your house and have no say whatsoever at the mothers. Trust me I know that for a fact.
Ok, so what would I do? Just
Ok, so what would I do? Just what everyone has been saying. Call the school and get a meeting with the teacher and the principal. Full custody or partial custody, you are an important part of her education. Get involved for all of your sakes. I am afraid if you don't do something now, you will be paying for court costs at some point. Invest now before it becomes to late.
KarilouMomof2 is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com living in Tempe. Her daughters are 9 and 6.
have your husband talk to
have your husband talk to the mom in a more forceful way. since she is now part of his life and he has legal custody it is his responsibility to do the best for the child. talk to the teahers and principal and if they cannot get mom to change then tell her you are going to call cps and leave it at that. this child needs to cuced and mom holding her back is jeoparizing her education. there may not ba a truancy law for kinder but there sure is a law that states that the best interests of the child are more important than what the mom thinks. and.. as a step parent, let you husband do all the talking to the mom. makes things much easier. you might also want to talke to her and ask her what she does on the days she doenst go to school. is she sick? she may be having some reactions to the new parenting situation. if that is so, then sh needs to get some help soon