EVERY evening, when we get home I ask (tell, beg, threaten, etc.) my kids to take their shoes off and leave them by the front door, so that we can find them easily in the morning. My 8 yr old complies, but my 5 yr old struggles to get this routine down. I reminded him no less than 6 times last night, as I unpacked a few groceries and started dinner. Of course, as we raced out of the house this morning, his shoes were no where to be found. I asked him and he insisted that they were in the car. My guys frequently kick off their shoes in the car, so I believed him (seeming to forget my own reminders from last night). As I filled the car with kids, backpacks, water bottles, half eaten breakfast, my laptop, purse and the library books that are due today, I glanced at the floor and did indeed see the soles of a couple of shoes. Off we went. By the way, their school is 30 minutes from home, so I really couldn't go back. But, when I went to put those shoes on my kindergartener, I discovered that these were his OLD shoes that he had apprarently, outgrown over the weekend! (he had two sets of sneakers because when we went to Flagstaff to go sledding, my older son accidently left one of his shoes in the snow, as he climbed back in the van, so we had to buy him new sneakers. Of course, my younger son felt that life wasn't worth living if his brother got new "sketchers" and he didn't!...but, I digress!).
So, my son cried and complained that these shoes were too small. I checked - his toes were close to the end, but not deformed or anything! I asked him to please just wear them today. He whinned some more and complained. I told him that we'd get new shoes later, if he would JUST PLEASE wear them for the three hours of Kindergarten today. He cried some more! My mind was racing with all my my work deadlines today and I started to panic. I reminded him that if he had put his shoes by the front door, as asked, then he'd have them. All that I could think of was "natural consequences" and that fact that I have enough to get ready in the morning and by God, I need some help! Then, I blurted out, "If you don't stop complaining, then you won't be going to school!"...Okay, he thought!. Next, I had him whinning that he didn't want to go to school! Ugh. This went on all the way to school, until finally my exasperation convinced him to zip it. He got out of the car, without a smile and sulked away. I know how to deal with crying, whinning, tantrums, but a kindergartener sulking away in defeat (no pun intended) was too much. I knew that he had every right to be upset. I pulled away slowly, but watched him walk to the playgorund, but instead of dropping his backpack and racing to the monkey bars, he sat on a bench and dabbed his eyes with his shirt.
I don't know what the "right" thing to do in this situation is. But, I called work and said that I'd be late and dashed over to Walmart and bought him some sandels. I took them back to school and called him out of class. He looked surprised and relieved, as I took the sneakers off and put the sandels on. I kissed him and sent him back into class.
I hate these grey areas when it's so hard to make the right call. I'm pretty sure that none of the men in my office ever had a morning like this, though.
I was reading through your
I was reading through your blog and finally got to the end. I was relieved that you had went out of your way and brought him some comfortable shoes. Thank you! Yes, it is rather frustrating to continually ask, beg, threaten to leave their shoes by the door. Perhaps this lesson will remind him to do that. Perhaps when you get home tonight, you can ask him to put his shoes by the door so that he dont get stuck with the wrong pair of shoes again because you wont be going to the store a 2nd time. Good luck!
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
Awww...my heart goes out to
Awww...my heart goes out to you ... I would have caved and did the same thing ... it's so hard to leave them knowning they are unhappy and wondering if 5 minutes after you drive away whether they will still be there sulking or if they'll have bounced back to normal and are playing and not having one thought about what made them upset in the first place. My daughter has done some of these same things before, i.e. forgetting a jacket and getting to school and telling me "well everyone else will have one" when it's not too cold out, but there's still a chill in the air, but knowing by 10am it would be warm enough with out a jacket ... so I've gone back home to get her one due to my own guilty conscious of wondering if she'll be shivering for the 15 minutes or so she's outside running around and because her way of putting "well everyone else will have one" struck my heart just the right way .... I think you did the right thing ... chin up!!
we do the shoe at the door
we do the shoe at the door routine also, it has gone well for years, but my daughter all of a sudden likes to wear her shoes in the house (and can't find them when she decides to take them off). So now I have to make an attempt to STOP as we all come in and make her take them off and put them on the rack while I'm standing there, hopefully it will sink in again.
As for the small shoes, we had crazier incident. At bathtime I noticed my 8year old son had a blisters on all his toes on one foot, these were shoes he had worn for a month or two and he didn't notice they hurt his feet or anything, so I went to look at the shoes, well, one shoe had SOOO much wet dirt packed in the toe end, it not only weighed a pound, but it took up a full inch of shoe . . which made his toes blister. He never even said anything to me about one shoe not fitting! BOYS!
I totally sympathize. My 8
I totally sympathize. My 8 yo still has problems remembering to put her shoes in the correct place. She has two pairs of sneakers and still, we have problems. Today she suggested I go to the store and get another pair. She started arguing that her shoes don't fit her so well, that\'s why she needs another. Frankly, it think it's because she leaves her shoes everywhere - car, backyard, my room, den...and so she can't find them right away.
Arizona Moms Editor Yvette Armendariz shares stories about raising her kids and tips for busy parents in her Time-starved (goddess) Mom blog. She and her husband are raising two children, ages 8 and 11.
LOVE the story. Sounds so
LOVE the story. Sounds so familiar. 5 year olds and shoes--we always have an extra in the car too. Not on purpose, he just can't seem to keep them on. I think you did the right thing too--you know your kids and know when the hurt is real and when it's defiance.
Also, thanks for the great lying advice. I've changed my approach and we'll see how it goes. It really made sense to both me and my husband.
Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.
I think you made the right
I think you made the right call....you would not have been able to get through your day and concentrate on work without feeling bad about those shoes pinching his feet.... natural consequences or not!
I have done something similar...........we live far away from our son's school, (we live in Gilbert but it is in Tempe)too and on this particular day he had an intramural basketball game right after school. But - since it was not a regular PE day, he wore slip on Vans to school and when we got to the school parking lot, we realized we left the basketball shoes at home. I was actually on my way in to the office.....another 20 or so miles west, and then planning on leaving work in time for the 4pm game. So, even though it added a lot of time/mileage I called in late , turned around and drove home and picked up the basketball shoes so I'd have them when I arrived for the game.....I was worried about his feet hurting during the game from improper footwear and his ankles not being supported!
You are right about one other thing - men don't have days like that!!!!
btw...the thought of my son
btw...the thought of my son taking his shoes off in my car made me laugh because I'd probably pass out from the smell of sweaty little feet....lol
I used to have all kinds of things in my car, but since I bought the new one I have become a clean car fanatic.....no eating, no drinking anything but water(well, except for my coffee but shhh don't tell), no leaving paper, wrappers, toys, shoes or anything behind...this goes for dad as well...I do a sweep everytime we get out....and after almost 2 years my car still has a faint new car leather smell! The last one was absolutely trashed by the time I sold it. I said not this time, i am keeping that darn thing clean if it kills me.
My heart went out to you! I
My heart went out to you!
I don't live very far from the school thank god, but my kids forget things all the time and are calling me when they get to school..like you really have the extra time to go back and get what they left behind. Any how I would have done the same thing too. I always do other wise I feel bad all day.
I guess it what makes us a good mom. My kids take there shoes off by the stair case when they get home so they know where their shoes are. But they don't always wind up there either.
Not many men probably had
Not many men probably had the morning you had, nor did they have the look your son gave you when he saw you at school later. That would have carried me through the day...