Is it wrong to want to return a Mother's Day gift from my husband? I am truly grateful for all that he does and I know that I have a wonderful husband....here's the deal, he went out of his way to get me a "designer" purse for Mother's Day and while I like it, I can't say I will use it. Since having our kids, those kinds of material things are no longer important to me. As someone else said on here, I would appreciate more time, that's enough for me! So is it wrong to return this (what I call expensive) purse (while I have several sitting in my closet) or should I just grin and say thank you?
I don't want to hurt his feelings or seem ungrateful, because I really do appreciate the though!
KiKaMom
Anything that my husband
Anything that my husband gives me as a gift is very appreciative. I like to keep all items, because sooner or later, I will wear it, and plus, it is special because that is something he wanted me to have. He did his best to make me happy and I wouldn't spoil that for him.
How would you feel if you bought him something and he wants to take it back and exchange it? It would make me feel like I can' t please so why even try.
My husband gave me two pair of earring for Mothers Day and told me you can take them back if I like. I loved the thought and I will wear them because they are from him.
It would not mean anything to me if I go back and replace them with an item that I choose myself.
I would keep it and use the purse on a special event or a getaway. I'm sure it will make his heart proud.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
My take is why keep
My take is why keep something that you won't use or don't care for just for the sake of making your other half feel good. I don't think it's about not being able to please I think it's about personal style when it comes to things like clothes, accessories, etc. why keep something to collect dust just to make him feel like he did a good job selecting something. Yes, it's the thought that counts, but when it comes to gifts that are costly, i.e. designer purses I personally don't think I could let $100 plus dollars sit collecting dust just to pacify my other half or lead him to believe I liked it if I didn't. Ultimately, I don't think guys really care that much when it comes to whether you return something and get something different. I know a lot of men who openly tell their wives to return it and get something they like if they don't like it. Men aren't as soft hearted as women when it comes to things like that; at least in my opinion I don' t think they are. I'd say return it and get something more useful if you're really not going to use the purse that often.
You know your husband better
You know your husband better than anyone, so I would follow your gut instinct on this one. But, if you are still not sure, I would put yourself in his shoes, would you be upset or somewhat disappointed if he returned something that you got him father's day. If so, it is probably best to happily accept the gift this year and find a time to use it. Make sure you let him know how much you appreciate it, but also drop enough hints about your needs being simpler for the future. Good luck, I am sure you will do the right thing.
JuneSlager is a discussion leader for arizonamoms.com, raising three children (ages 15, 14, & 11) in Northeast Phoenix.
Picking out gifts doesn't
Picking out gifts doesn't usually come easily to men. I would keep it, because I'd appreciate the effort that he went to, to select it and the anticipation that he felt, hoping that you'd like it. My mother-in-law returned gifts, for all very logical, practical reasons, but it really diminished our enthusiasm to give her a gift the next time. I still have books that my husband bought me that I only read the first chapter to and jewerly that I can't possibly wear because he spent too many years in a row buying jewerly. I would keep the purse, try to use it and then in 6 months, walk the mall, hand in hand, and point out the things that you WOULD like as gifts, stressing how you really don't need any new expensive, designer items, since having kids. If he tunes in to the fact that the last present that he bought me was such an item, I'd claim to love it and stress that since he'd bought me all the luxury items that I could use for a long while, that some of the practical things would be nice.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
I would tell him how much I
I would tell him how much I appreciate the thought and the expense and the effort. Hmm, now I planned to ask if you could take it back without having to announce it to him? But, I think I've changed my mind. If you guys can afford such sweet and expensive gestures, save it and use it on your next date night.
Lovemy4 is a discussion leader for North Central Phoenix, tired mother of 4 great kids and wife to one great husband.
My husband will get me
My husband will get me things I want but would never buy for myself (or can't after buying everything for everyone else). However, if he missed the mark a little he wants me to speak up BUT I had better have another item in mind that is for me and his feelings don't get hurt.
I'd take it back. He'll know
I'd take it back. He'll know when you don't use it, and you'll feel sick about the money spent everytime you do. I keep some things that I think are just okay, but if it cost a lot, I'll usually return it if I won't use it.
I always say lots of thank yous and how sweet it was of him, but I just can't personally rationalize having such an expensive bag when I really don't need it. Mayeb you could suggest a better use for the money that he would enjoy too.
Brooke Romney is an unbalanced mom of three young boys who constantly has too much to do, and too little time. She writes the Mom Beat column for The Gilbert Republic.
Boy, you're really not
Boy, you're really not getting a consistent answer here! :) I would keep the gift. If your husband went to the trouble to find something special for you, keep it, use it, and appreciate his thoughtfulness.
Hobbymommy, 38, is a discussion leader from Mesa. She is a happy stay-at-home mommy to a 3-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
Thanks for all the replies!
Thanks for all the replies! It's officially a tie right now :) The gift is a nice gesture and I am thankful! I think his feelings might be more hurt if/ when he notices that I hadn't been using the purse if I kept it. Being that it was quite expensive, I think I am going to return it and have a fun date night with him and maybe buy something a little more practical that I will use for a lot less money :)! We could use some of the extra money for gas these days!
KiKaMom
I don't think it's wrong but
I don't think it's wrong but I think it would hurt your husband. It sounds like he wanted to do something special for you. Whether your still "into" material things or not isn't the point. HE wanted to get you something nice. I'd keep it!!
Paz
"he went out of his
"he went out of his way"....
Are you sure that you weren't just looking for permission via at least one person to agree with you, to return the item? My experience tells me that if you felt the need to check with others, then you knew in the back of your mind that returning a gift that someone went out of their way to get for you, is "bush league".
Sometimes we just expect our spouses to be so understanding of the way we see things, we think that they'll just "not mind". Although he probably won't admit it, he will probably feel like he got it "wrong". Men live for pleasing their women and take it much harder than we ever realize when they "fail" at it...even little bitty failures. Therapists get to hear this everyday from men. Men notoriously feel this way when we women "critique" the outfit that they put the baby in, or bring home the wrong brand of something from the store, etc.
I have never returned a gift from my husband and I never will. My husband once bought me a $50 leather bound "journal", despite never seeing me journal anything. He loves the look of leather books and is always scribbling quotes down. He would have liked the book, so he imagined that I would too. I wanted so badly to exchange it for perfume, but I didn't. I forced myself to TRY to use the darn thing, but I not only had nothing to say, but I hated my handwriting! I decided to use it as my feel good notebook and every so often write down loving thoughts or deeds about my husband. In a few years, I plan to wrap it up and give it back to him.
I would use that purse once a year, going out with my husband on our anniversary. You create something that way, something more valuable that even the large amount of money spent on the gift to begin with. In a few years, that gift will take on such sentimentality, that the "cost" of the "material" thing will seem much too cheap for such a symbol.
"The meaning of life, is to give life meaning"
I wouldn't pass on the opportunity.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
Her's what I think.... I
Her's what I think.... I had a similar problem, my husband bought me a really expensive watch for Christmas one year and I about choked when I found out how much he paid for it. I nicely explained that while it was a nice watch, I could pick up 10 watches at Dillard's for the same price. He said he wasn't much of a shopper so he really didn't know what I was looking for and that if I was happy with picking out a different one than he was happy.. I feel as long as your not a serial gift returner than he will understand.....
Optimist, I was truly on the
Optimist, I was truly on the fence on this one. My mom wasn't sure what to do either, hence I posted here. Would it make a difference if you knew it was $300?
I am not a serial returner and he has bought me purses (and many other things) in the past, which I have kept and loved without question. I have changed a lot since having kids is all I can attribute it to.
KiKaMom
I realize that I tend to
I realize that I tend to look at things in ways that most people don't. I guessed that was around the dollar amount in question. Please don't take this the wrong way...it just seems that when you look at that purse, you are seeing a big, fat dollar sign. I simply wanted to point out the other ways to see the gift.
When we shared an apartment in college, my sister once bought me (on credit) a ridiculously, expensive birthday present, simply because she knew that I would NEVER spend that much on myself for a luxury item. She bought me a Waterford vase and waterford crystal candle holders, that cost over $500. At the time, it was clearly the most expensive thing in the house! I had no business owning it. I wanted to take it back so badly. But, the ridiculousness of the gift, was a clear indication that she was trying to express how special I was too her and that our friendship was a "luxury" to her. She convinced me to keep it and now, years later, I'm glad that I did. We talked about the fact that I didn't "need" a luxury item and honestly, she never bought me anything like that again. But, it BECAME special in so many more ways than it was the day she gave it to me. I once did the same thing for her. Years ago, you couldn't find the character Curious George anywhere. He wasn't licensed and it was but a memory from the 70s, but he was my sister's favorite childhood character. I found a limited edition, Curious George cookie jar that was numbered 206, since they only 1,000 of them in the world and then they broke the mold. It cost $200. I bought it for her. Again, she had no business owning a $200 cookie jar! (who does?) - especially with the lack of organization in her house! LOL. But, the gift was driven by the same feelings...to give someone something "special".
Would you keep the purse if it costs $5? Does his gift mean more than the dollar amount spent?
Like I said, everyone is different. I would do, what I would do. And that is, I would keep the gift, use in a very special way, and down the road let hubby know your preferences for gifts in the furture. Let him know that your new purse is the last "luxury" item that you need. I just wouldn't take the wind out of his sails, because of the cost. He obviously felt that it was reasonably affordable, so I'd let it go at that.
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
Very great point you made.
Very great point you made. Also, if something ever happened to my husband, I can one day show my son that this is what daddy got me. If I took it back and exchanged it, then what could I tell my son.
My husband is also very soft hearted, and there is no way that I would make him feel that his choice wasn't good enough. Once my mom gave me a beautiful leather coat, and because it cost so much I told her to take it back. I regret it so much to this day. It showed her that I didn't appreciate her taste in spending that amount on me. It is terrible that we have to learn from our mistakes.
One Happy Mom in Arizona.
EXACTLY! And, God forbid,
EXACTLY! And, God forbid, you did lose him, EVERY single gift that he ever bought for you, would be a catapult of special feelings for him, as you imagine him shopping for you!
My husband has genetically high cholesterol and diabetes. He sometimes says that I treat as if he were "terminal". Well, he is...and so am I...and so are all of our loved ones. Maybe I'm overly sentimental, but I try "give" every aspect of "life meaning".
She could keep the bag and spend the next few months, looking for that perfect dress to go with the new bag, for an anniversary night out! And when she takes a picture that night, then one day, she'll have a story, for the kids, behind the picture, about the bag...about the lessons that gifts give too!
"Only a life lived for others, is the life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein
That actually happened to
That actually happened to me. My husband bought me a very nice designer purse for my 30th birthday. I LOVED that he picked it and took the time to see what I would like. It was not the right colors or size but... I kept it and used it everyday and LOVED it! My husband is pretty sensitive (yes, there are some out there) so I would hate to hurt his feelings at all. Then...while walking in the mall, we did see some other designer purses and I should him the size and color I liked and got it for Mother's Day! Good luck!
There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one!
I would keep it and use it
I would keep it and use it every single day! Yes, indeed! Why not enjoy it? This past year, I returned to carrying the "fun" purses I missed and you know what? It's been great. I feel like I've finally broken away from carrying something that looks like a diaper bag! Further, your husband will be inspired by your appreciation of his gift. Even though their gifts may miss the mark at times, God Bless 'em, they really take a great deal of pride in gifts they choose themselves.
I have a sweet cousin who gave us a set of crystal goblets for a wedding gift nearly 7 years ago. She made me promise to use them every day and not just for special occasions. She had recently lost every single possession in a house fire and said that she had a house full of things she was "saving" for a special occasion. So, I made the promise and you know what? In all this time, only 2 glasses have been broken and have been broken by GUESTS to our home (i.e., not the people who use them every day)! Isn't that interesting that the notion of a daily treasure lessened the stress of keeping something for a special occasion and we have been able to benefit from their beauty every day.
Celebrate the same "spoil" of a wonderful purse from your husband. :-)
Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She spends most of her days juggling her duties as a mom, wife, and business owner. Her three little kittens range in age from 4 to 13.
Yes, your way of thinking
Yes, your way of thinking does make sense. Sometimes, I am not so sentimental (obviously). So, I will keep the purse, b/c like you said he did take the time to pick it out (and it is cute) b/c he thought I would like it (and I do). When it comes down to it, it's only money, but his feelings are irreplaceable. I will use it and now I'll go out and get a wallet to match LOL :) Thanks for the comments! This is my first time posting and it was pretty cool :)
KiKaMom
Go for it! And, welcome to
Go for it! And, welcome to our group!
Mouse_tales is a discussion leader in the East Valley for arizonamoms.com. She spends most of her days juggling her duties as a mom, wife, and business owner. Her three little kittens range in age from 4 to 13.
I know this is going to
I know this is going to cause a lot of comments but my husband gives me guns for gifts on holidays. I love guns. and even though he has gotten me a few that I would not have bought mysellf , I always keep them and chrish them becuase HE bought them for me. And I'm glad I do becasue the other day his co worker was loking for a specific gun that he had bought me. I have tow of the same kind because he bought one and my Dad bought one for me on my birthday. I am keeping both. So my husband asks if I would sell his firend the gun he bought me and I told him I wouldnt becuase he had given me that gun . He just beamed. I could see that he was so proud . I know that he puts a lot of time into shopping for my gifts and even if I alrady have something, if he buys it for me , it is somethign to treasure because he picked it out and saved up for it. I'm sure there are a lot fo things he would like to use that money for so I know he sacrifices his wants to get me what I like. I just dont know what i would do with a purse but i guess if i got one, i would make a date with him just the two of us and make sure i used that purse when we wne tout. there is no reason why it should collect dust in the closet, use it for special occasions.
This is a tough one...it
This is a tough one...it think the answer depends on the kind of relationship you two have. If it's no big deal to either of you to return a gift, whether for mother's day or birthday or whatever, then I'd do it. No sense in wasting money on something you won't use.
But if he's sensitive about that kind of thing, then keep it and figure out a time to use it when you're with him like a date night.
Susie is a discussion leader in the east valley for arizonamoms.com. She has two sons, ages 7 and 3.